Page 50 of Broken Chorus

“Not a chance in hell.”

“Why not?”

“’cause I already gave up the booze, which, I admit, was bad for me. But the weed keeps me from crawling up the walls.”

“You ever think about calling me when that feeling hits?” Hawk asked.

“You’ve kinda got your hands full.”

“I’ll never not make time for you. I thought you knew that, but the only times you’ve picked up the phone since you visited have been to read Dani her bedtime story.”

“Because at least that’s something Icando to help you,” Aaron said. “Besides, the only time you pick up the phone is to growl at me about something I’ve fucked up! I’ve begged Kelly to stop sending you messages about what’s going on with the band. You’ve got more important things to worry about, and that’s okay, you don’t need to worry about any of this, especially me.”

“Whether I need to or not, I worry, especially when you start smoking up before you even roll outta bed.”

“So I’ve perfected the art of wake and bake. Everyone needs a talent.”

Hawk really had to grip the counter hard to keep from shaking him again “You’re plenty talented without that shit.”

“And you’re biased.”

“Bullshit!” Hawk snarled, slamming his hands on the counter to be certain he had Aaron’s attention. “If I didn’t believe you could handle taking over the vocals, I’d be the first one to tell you not to do it. What I heard on that recording Kelly shared with me tells me that not only can you, but you need to.” Hawk said. “I think you’ve been smoking so much of that shit lately that it’s fueling your anxiety instead of curbing it.”

“I don’t smoke that god damned much!”

“Then you’re smoking the wrong strains. How high is the THC count in what you’ve been buying lately?”

“High enough.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“It’s the best one I’ve got.”

Shoving away from the counter, Hawk started to pace, sorting words and rejecting them so he didn’t say something hurtful. “What’s your excuse for not texting? Or not sending anymore photos and memes?”

“Maybe I finally got the hint, okay,” Aaron said. “You told me to give you space. That’s what I did.”

“By making out with Kazzy?”

“It felt good to be wanted for a moment.”

“When have I ever not wanted you even when I’m pissed as hell!”

“Whatever.”

“What the fuck is your problem?”

“When I asked to stick around you turned me away, remember,” Aaron snarled. “And when I did send you photos, all you did was point out that I wouldn’t be able to do whatever I was doing if I was up there with you. I get it, okay. You’ve made it clear that you don’t want me and I’m trying to be good with that. Now you wanna push me into singing in front of a bunch of strangers and on top of it all, you don’t want me to take the edge off so I don’t look like a complete idiot when I try to pull that shit off. I’m not like you, Hawk, I don’t like having everyone’s attention on me. All I ever wanted was to make music and feel something that didn’t suck all the god damned time.”

Huffing, Hawk threw up his hands and grumbled beneath his breath as he continued his relentless back and forth journey between the dining room and the kitchen. “Did you ever once stop to think that I only said that because I didn’t want you waiting around for me to have the time and energy to give you what you need? I sure as hell can’t handle you wandering off to the city to find a club and someone who can! If you’re up there with me, then you’re mine! You should know by now that I won’t share!”

“Wha….”

“You heard me. Think on that for a moment while you listen to what I’m about to say.” Only when Hawk was sure he had Aaron’s undivided attention did he continue speaking. “I need you to be sure. I know what I feel. I know what I’ve always felt but you’ve constantly run hot and cold and that’s okay, that’s you and you weren’t ready for what I wanted to offer. You’re still not. Being ready means you leave that shit alone. I won’t have it up there, not even where the kids can’t see. I love you. Do with that bit of knowledge what you will. I’m going to take these sprinkles upstairs now before Dani leads a search party after us. I’d like you to walk out of here with me, but if you’re truly hell bent on doing those dabs, then I’ll leave you to it, though I think Dani might be a little upset that you weren’t the one to hand these to her.”

It was dirty pool, but Hawk didn’t care at this point. That video and Aaron’s continued insistence that Kazzy would be a good fit for the band had left Hawk feeling a bit salty and on edge.

“I’ll come up with you,” Aaron murmured, though he still wouldn’t meet Hawk’s gave.

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