Page 29 of Broken Chorus

Bitterness and disappointment churned like bile in the pit of Aaron stomach, and he felt a momentary pang of shame at having fallen so into rhythm with a stranger that he’d forgotten his long-time bandmate wasn’t there. It felt like a betrayal of that friendship and everything they’d created together.

Instead of responding, he simply nodded Micah’s way, grateful that there was nothing more to say, as he wasn’t sure if he could manage it. Not when he felt like he was spitting on everything the band had ever been. Nothing about that sat right with him.

“Maybe it’s time for a break,” Kelly muttered with his head still bent over the paper he was scribbling on. “It might give me a chance to organize some of this into something legible rather than a bunch of sentences with arrows pointing in the general direction of where they should be.”

Aaron couldn’t see his face, but from the tone of his voice and how focused he was on the notepad in front of him, Aaron doubted he was experiencing the same turmoil Aaron was. Of course, he’d had two weeks’ worth of practice sessions to getover whatever feelings he might have been wrestling with, while Aaron was getting hit with everything all at once, which was playing havoc with his emotions now that the song was over. Best to get a handle on them before he was forced into an interaction that didn’t involve the way his fingers moved over the strings.

“Can I borrow your balcony,” Aaron asked as he set his guitar on its stand. Getting up was a different story, he staggered, then arched his back, feeling the vertebrae crackle and pop all the way down his spine.

“No, it needs to stay right where it is, but you can go use it to smoke up, since I know that’s what you plan to do.”

“Hardy, har, har,” Aaron grumbled, but he couldn’t help but smile, ‘cause he’d known that was the response he’d get when he phrased his question that way.

He was halfway to the balcony doors when he realized he was being followed. A glance over his shoulder revealed shoulder length blond hair, brilliantly vivid blue eyes, and a seriously impressive full throat tattoo. What the hell was that?

The smack of slamming into the balcony door stopped him short and yanked his attention away from the tattoo and his curiosity over why Micah would be following him in the first place.

“You’re supposed to open it with your hand, not your face,” Micah deadpanned.

Despite the way his cheek stung from colliding with the glass, Aaron chuckled, then opened the door properly and stepped out into the waning day. Streaks of color marred the deepening blue of the sky, the white of the clouds highlighted in brilliant orange and yellow. Aaron never took his eyes off them as he slipped a case from his back pocket and produced one of the blunts he’d rolled earlier in the day. He heard Micah fiddling witha cellophane wrapper, the scratch of a lighter proceeding the stench of cigarette smoke.

The sound of a shrill, angry bird screeching erupted from his phone, the first sound it had made all day. He’d assigned that sound to Hawk in loo of the hawk scream he’d initially considered, mostly because it made him laugh to picture Hawk’s fierce face with that sound coming out of it.

I haven’t received anymore pissed off texts from Kelly, so I assume everything is going okay.

Of course, Hawk was checking up on him. Best to go ahead and answer before he assumed the worst.

It’s going, I guess. I still don’t know how I feel about any of this.

Hawk’s response was immediate, which meant the kids were occupied, or already in bed.

Then stop trying to feel anything.

Grumbling, Aaron took a long toke before typing his answer.

How the hell am I supposed to do that?

Figure it out!

Yeah, figure it out because Hawk didn’t want the answer to be that Aaron was done with music. The thought hit him with such vicious clarity it was like getting gut punched. He sagged against the railing, throat too tight for the smoke to travel down, so he wound up doubled over, coughing and gripping the metal bar.

He longed to typedonewith the kind of finality that would close the door on all the bittersweet things between them, but a word couldn’t make his heart stop hurting or all the pain of beingrejectedagaingo away. But maybe he could figure out how to make it hurt less, even if that meant drowning himself in green leafy substances and Kelly’s fucked up version of some future for them in the music industry.

At least Micah was silent, as were most of the cars that went whizzing past the building. It made for a peaceful night, though they occasionally found themselves the targets of a nearby crow’s taunts. It was perched on the far railing of the balcony, hopping left then shuffling right in an interesting little dance. Aaron watched it through the curl of smoke around his head, the ache in his shoulders lessoning with every puff. There was something about its eyes, piercing, like it was staring into Aaron’s soul. He shivered, wondering what it saw there, and if it was something ugly.

Caw caw, shuffle hop, caw some more, like it was performing for him. It reminded him of the days when the band was new and a good performance meant something besides Raman and peanut butter for dinner. Hawk’s ringtone again, dammit. Aaron hadn’t even responded and the fucker still had more to say to him.

Fuck it.

He hit thedo not disturbbutton without reading the message, then instantly felt a cold pang of fear, worried that it had something to do with one of the kids, and immediately turned the feature off again.

Put your focus on the music and do what you were born to do.

Aaron knew it was meant to be encouragement but all it felt like was another stab to the soul. He’d read the words that were written, but in his head the words echoed asput your focus on the music, it’s the only thing you’ll ever have.A sudden breeze blew his hair into his eyes, and when he brushed it back, thebuckle on his bracelet caught the dragon earring in his right ear, giving it a little tug. Joint held between his lips, he untangled it and slipped the earring out of his ear. A shiny silver circle in its belly held a stone that was supposed to represent the moon. When a light beam struck the stone, making it shimmer, he was reminded that crows loved shiny things.

Maybe it was the peacefulness of the night, or just unsuppressed curiosity, but instead of putting the earring back in his ear, he inched closer to the crow, took a drag, and inched some more. He didn’t want to get close enough to startle it into flying away, just close enough to hang the earring from the wrought iron bars before backing off to see what it would do.

He finished that first blunt waiting for the bird to make up its mind. So far, all it did was eye the shimmering piece of metal like it was a trap. No worries. A lyrics break meant Kelly would be at it for a while, and Aaron had rolled four before coming up, so he popped another out of the case, even though he was good and stoned, lit it and leaned against the railing, staring at the crow.

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