Page 27 of Broken Chorus

“And now we’re broken, just like my last one and the one before that!” Aaron snapped. “I’m really starting to wonder if it’s just me! If I’m the one whose too broken to belong anywhere, or to anyone, and ifthat’swhy everything falls to shit when I’m around.”

“You didn’t cause the band to fall apart.”

“But I couldn’t do a damn thing to keep it together, either,” Aaron said. “When Jason and Ethan bailed, the only thing I cared about was getting so numb that I didn’t have to feel what it was like to miss them. You asked why I didn’t go with them?Easy, they didn’t ask. I wouldn’t have been a good fit for them any more than I’ll be for you. The only difference is that they knew it and you refuse to get the point through your head. You can do with that what you will. That’s all the truth I can give you right now.”

“Just answer me one thing,” Kelly said as several long, tense moments of silence stretched between them. “Did you start feeling this way about the music before Hawk left, or after?”

“Before,” Aaron admitted, holding Kelly’s gaze. “But I stayed for you guys, because I didn’t want to fuck up what we’d created and unlike the rest of you, it was the only thing I had and sometimes, I resented it, because falling in love with the music wrecked what little of a relationship I had with my grandparents.”

“No, they wrecked that like they wrecked your guitars,” Kelly said, reaching out and catching Aaron’s wrist. “They destroyed it like they did your love of singing, and I think that’s why you don’t want to front this band. Because you’re still ashamed of the way they stood you in front of the whole congregation and made you repent for singing a metal song. They don’t have the power to do that anymore, Aaron, and they shouldn’t have the power to put that look in your eyes.”

“I won’t sing because I don’t want to sing. I’ve never wanted to be the frontman.”

“It’s a damn shame and a waste of talent, but then, you’ve never believed that you had much of that, either,” Kelly said. “I blame them for that, and I hate them for it and for all the ways they’ve made you feel like you were doing something wrong just by living your life the way you wanted to.”

“But was I really or was I just following the only people who gave a damn about me?”

He could see by the expression on Kelly’s face that he didn’t know how to respond to that, though he did finally release the hold he had on Aaron.

“I’ll play, if that’s what you really want,” Aaron conceded. “I just wanted you to know where I stood before you asked again.”

“I want you to want to play for you,” Kelly said. “If you truly can’t, then I’ll except it.”

Aaron was quiet for a moment, glancing everywhere but at Kelly. “I guess we’ll know after the next jam session, because I can’t answer that yet and maybe that’s what Hawk really sent me up here to find out, so, when is it?”

“I still don’t know what time it is now!” Kelly snapped, glancing around until his eyes landed on the dragon skull clock above the mantle. “Shit! Less than an hour from now.”

“Then I guess we’ll have our answer by the end of the day.”

“Yeah, I guess we will, now, do us both a favor, go back downstairs, grab one of your acoustics and get your ass back up here. I need to grab a shower and find some food. Fuck! Where the hell did the day go?”

“It vanished behind your eyelids.”

“Ha. Ha. Just go. I’ll leave the door unlocked for you.”

“Wanna tell me what the hell I need my acoustic for?” Aaron asked, even as he pushed away from the counter and headed for the door.

“A little something we’ve been working on, and please don’t give me shit about it being too soft when you haven’t heard it yet.”

“Fine. Whatever.”

“Hey Aaron?”

“Yeah.”

“Have you and Hawk resolved your shit yet?”

Shrugging, Aaron muttered, “We fucked.”

Kelly stuck a finger in the air and twirled it around. “Kinda figured.”

“There’s nothing else to know.”

“Sure. Deflection was never your strong suit, so I know there’s more. You’ll spill eventually, now hurry up and get moving. I still haven’t had breakfast, and I doubt you have either.”

“That’s because it’s technically lunch time and I forgot to go grocery shopping again.”

“At this point, you’d be better off having shit delivered and calling it a day.”

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