Page 17 of Broken Chorus

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“’Cause it had nothing to do with you and everything to do with my issues,” Aaron replied. “Besides, I’d always tell myself that next year would be different. That I’d find something that didn’t have anything to do with music and it would fill the hole the songs never could. But here we are.”

“Yeah, the only difference is, you have a choice, and I don’t have that any longer,” Hawk murmured, reaching for Aaron’s hand and giving it a small squeeze before releasing it again. “You’ve still got a chance to find everything you’ve been searching for.”

Aaron snorted and let his head roll against the back of the couch until his neck cracked. “Maybe I’ve already found it.”

“If that’s the truth, then what are you doing here?”

Glaring, Aaron raised his hands then let them drop back into his lap, fumbling with the tangle of words that whirled through his mind. How to explain that the only place he ever felt good, safe, sane and at peace with himself, was when he was wrapped up in Hawk’s arms? How to make him see that Aaron was tired of random hookups, tired of looking into eyes that weren’t Hawk’s, tired of searching for what they’d had between them when they weren’t determined to make a mess of it?

Swallowing hard, he stared at the floor, licked his lips, and offered the one thing he could verbalize. “I wish you’d let me stay longer than a weekend.”

Hawk grumbled, shifting his weight, bouncing the cushions a little. “Hiding out here isn’t going to fix anything between you and Kelly, or stymie your thirst for performing, at least not for long.”

“I don’t crave it the way I used to. It’s not even my favorite drug anymore.”

“I know. I heard weed was. I hope you didn’t bring any up here.”

“Hell no.”

They were silent a little while, Aaron staring at the ceiling, questions swirling through his mind. “What’s it like, waking up to the kids every morning, making breakfast and doing all that domestic shit.”

“Pretty damned wonderful when no one is having a meltdown.”

“That’s what I thought.”

“You’ll get to see it for yourself in the morning,” Hawk replied. “And learn how to make monkey bread.”

“What the hell is that?”

“Something Ella’s Daisy troop did at their meeting last week. She came home with a recipe card and has been after me to make it ever since. I grabbed the ingredients at the grocery store the other day, some backup ones too, in case we screw it up. Figured with you here, it would be easier to supervise in case Dani got bored. She’s a real menace when it comes to getting into things. You’d never believe that I’d childproofed the place if you saw some of what she gets up to.”

It felt good to laugh, so Aaron gave into the urge, especially when images started popping into his head of little Dani leaping off the arm of the couch with a blanket over her head, calling itherparicoot. That had been the last time he’d visited, and she’d been downright feisty when Hawk had told him to take it away before she hurt herself.

“Guess we’re making monkey bread and wrangling a little monkey,” Aaron said once he’d finished chuckling at the memory

“Yup.”

The next stretch of silence was longer, and yet, it was never the uncomfortable kind that made him squirm and wish he was anywhere but exactly where he was at. If anything, he felt more relaxed than he’d been in weeks, even with access to endless strains of weed.

“You’re a natural with Dani,” Hawk said, having captured Aaron’s hand again. This time he held on to it and drew circles across Aaron’s knuckles with his thumb. “Not that it surprises me. I’ve seen you with every stray animal that’s crossed your path for years. The thing that I’m still wondering is why you’ve never kept one.”

“Heh,” Aaron grunted, rubbing at the spot where his t-shirt was stuck to his skin. “It’s not like I could take a pet on the road with me. There’s too much shit we’re responsible for. Meet and greets, signings, after parties. It wouldn’t be fair to keep them cooped up on the tour bus or have one of the roadies walking them. If I ever have a pet, I’m gonna be the one caring for it. I’m gonna be the one whose bed it curls up on at night, and I’m going to be there when it’s scared or sick, or at the end when…”

Aaron swallowed hard at that and ducked his head, because that was the real reason he’d never kept one. They died and then he’d be alone again and how do you start over when you know it’s only going to happen again?

“I guess you’ve got a point there,” Hawk said, cutting through his thoughts. “But a cat…or even a ferret….”

“Still needs love, attention and time that I’ve never had.”

“So, what’s stopping you now.”

“I don’t know. Everything’s still too up in the air. I don’t know what I’m going to do about the band or even what I want to pick up from the grocery store. My cupboards are empty man, I’m talking Mother Hubbard bare, and yet I wander down the aisles in a daze, pushing an empty cart.”

“Try shopping stoned.”

“I have. I don’t even get the munchies anymore. Just a severe case of theI should not eat thats.”

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