Page 77 of Broken Chorus

“F…” grumbling, Aaron let the word die on his lips.

In fact, he managed not to swear in any language, though a couple dozen words rolled through his head. Surly Hawk didn’t intend for him to call Declan up and just blurt out questions about his chair. Was he supposed to lead in with what had happened in the grocery store, or just warn him to be cautious with his chair around Dani? Would that kind of warning be taken as offensive? Was there a special way he was supposed to phrase it? Declan wasn’t his grandfather but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t get pissed if Aaron said all the wrong things and what was he supposed to do then?

Damnit, damnit, damnit!

If today had proven anything, it was that the unexpected happened whether he was prepared for it or not. Hawk had said several times over that Dani was at an impressionable age. One where she copied the things she heard and saw. How he dealt with shit would shape how she’d handle things in the future. He needed to be a good role model for her and her siblings. They deserved that from him. If he couldn’t give it, then maybe he didn’t deserve to be as big a part of their lives as he was hoping to be and that was a cold and sobering thought he was unable to get off his mind for the rest of the day.

Chapter 18

Of bats and fireflies

Hawk was reading Dani the story Aaron had intended to read to her, but he’d given Aaron the order to ‘fix it,’ and Aaron had to admit, he’d put it off long enough, despite the band having settled into the guest cabin hours before. Which was why he was heading out there now, hands shoved in his pockets, trying to work out what he desperately needed to say to Declan to smooth things over between them.

Only he still hadn’t figure out how to open the conversation, which was why he hadn’t tried calling Declan and making a fumbling mess of it from a distance, despite how tempting it had been. The truth was that he’d been too scared of fucking up and being the cause of him changing his mind about coming out, which would have completely derailed their progress as a band and their plans to play Rocktoberfest.

Stalling and still mentally sifting through words, he walked around the guest house once, then proceeded around it a second time when no words came to mind when he reached the door. He told himself to suck it up, that he had more reasons to fix things than just Hawk and Kelly demanding it.

Declan truly was a super talented drummer, and if Aaron could find the same level of comfort playing with him as he’d found with Jason or Kazzy, then the possibilities were endless. It had surprised him to learn that Declan was one hell of a lyricist too, but the folded squares of notebook paper in his back pocket were all the proof he’d needed of that.

Okay, so maybe he’d checked with everyone else, including Cade, to see if they’d made the edits first, and only learned that Declan had when Cade commentedwrong twin. He hadn’t even looked at Declan after Cade said it, he was too uncomfortable to glance his way

Which was when it dawned on him that Micah had been right all along. Aaron really didn’t see anything about Declan but that chair, and that was really, really fuckin’ shitty.

“What if it was me?”

They’d been lying in bed, Hawk playing big spoon,Family Guymuted on the television and Aaron slowly drifting off to sleep. At first, he hadn’t understood what Hawk was referencing. Their last conversation had been about the style of sled to get for the kids for the upcoming winter. Saucers, disks, toboggans, inflatable mouse faces, kitty cats and donuts, there were somany styles to choose from, especially when they took age into consideration. Helmets were a must too. They’d discussed making a trip to the sporting goods store to get properly fitting ones for each kid. With that in mind, Hawk’s question made little sense to Aaron’s foggy, sleep craving brain.

“You can wear a helmet too, if you wanna, just don’t ask me to wear one.”

“That’s not what I was referring too,” Hawk had grumbled, “but since we’re suddenly on the subject, we’ll all be wearing them if we’re sledding. I’m not gonna have you rocket into a tree and crack your head open. Don’t even try and argue, it’s not negotiable, ‘cause the moment you don’t wear it, one of the kids will think it’s okay for them to take theirs off, and that won’t fly on my watch.”

“Okay. Okay. Point made. I’ll wear one if we’re sledding with the kids.”

“You’ll wear one if we’re sledding, if we’re on the back of my Harley, if we’re riding 4 wheelers or tearing around on jet skies, ‘cause I am not losing you to recklessness, do you understand me!”

It had been on the tip of his tongue to say ‘yes sir’ but he’d choked it back, since they weren’t at that stage of their relationship yet. They’d talked about it though, and he knew a time would come when Hawk would welcome it as much as Aaron would revel in getting to say it.

He’d started drifting back to sleep before it had dawned on him that if Hawk wasn’t talking about sleds and helmets, then Aaron still had no clue what he’d meant when he’d saidWhat if it was me?

“What if what was you?”

“What if I was the one in the wheelchair?”

“I’d kill whoever put you there.”

Hawk had sighed heavily and kissed the side of his neck. “While I appreciate the sentiment, you are still missing the point. It isn’t about blame or how it happened, it’s about how you’d treat me if it did.”

“I wouldn’t walk out on you if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Good to know. But would you still treat me like who I was before the accident?”

“I mean, I’d understand that there was stuff you wouldn’t be able to do anymore, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake Aaron I know you are not that dense! I’m asking if you’d still laugh with me the same way, joke around and bullshit with me, flirt with me, tease the hell outta me and drive me up the fuckin’ wall!”

“Of course! Why wouldn’t I? You’ve never given me a single reason to be afraid of you.”

“That’s exactly the point. Why wouldn’t you still see me as me? If the only thing to change about me was that I needed a wheelchair to get around, then why let it alter what we’ve always had as friends and lovers?”

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