Page 22 of Stuck with You

“Taylor is pretty closed off and kind of cold,” I explained. “But I’ve seen her open up a bit over the last several weeks. Like sometimes when we’re at the club and she thinks I’m not paying attention she’ll be giving me a tender look. Or she’ll kind of stroke my skin after we’re done with our scene. I thought that meant she was falling for me too.”

My sister gave me a considering look. “Is there a chance that you’ve just been seeing what you want to see? I mean, other than the BDSM stuff, what do you really know about her? Have you two even had a conversation? Where does she work? What’s her favorite color? Does she have a pet? You’ve never even been anywhere with her outside the club, have you?”

I looked at my sister in horror. “Oh God, you are right. I don’t know her at all. We don’t talk about anything personal. It’s just infatuation. There’s no romance between us. I’ve made all this up in my head, haven’t I? I’m so pathetic.”

Bree patted my knee. “You were trying something new. You just got… muddled. But now you know you like kink, and you know that you are attracted to women, some women at least. Take what you learned from this experience and use it to find a real relationship, one where both people are invested.”

“You’re right,” I said. “It’s not like I have to see Taylor again anyway.”

I slept in my sister’s guest room and when I woke up late the next morning, hung over from both wine and crying, there was a text from Taylor on my phone.

Taylor:Hey, I wanted to check to see if you were okay? Last night was kind of intense.

I ignored it. Clearly she was just doing her job as a dominant, making sure that I was okay. There was nothing personal about her text.

My sister and I were eating lunch when another text came through.

Taylor:I didn’t handle things the way I would have liked to last night. Can we get together for coffee or something? I think we need to talk.

Now she wanted to get together outside the club? I didn’t think so. When I didn’t respond, Taylor tried again.

Taylor:I want to apologize for being so abrupt with you last night. I know I hurt your feelings and I’m sorry. The truth is, I was a little freaked out. I know I’m supposed to be all chill as a domme but I lost that last night. Please, can we talk?

I turned the phone around and slid it across the table to Bree. She read the text with a frown.

“What was she freaked out about?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Well, I think there are two likely options. She was freaked out because she could tell you have feelings for you and didn’t know what to do about it because your feelings are unwelcome,” Bree speculated. “Or she was freaked out because she realized thatshehas feelings foryou, and she doesn’t want that. Either way, I don’t know if this is helpful information for you. I mean, if she has feelings for you and she wants to explore something romantic, wouldn’t she be saying that?”

“Yeah, you’re right,” I agreed. “Should I ignore her? Or respond?”

“What would you do if this was one of the guys you dated?” she asked.

“Ignore them. I don’t have a lot of patience for people playing games with me. And once you engage with someone like that, it’s hard to get them to leave you alone.”

“There you go,” Bree said. “Ignore her. You deserve better, sis. You deserve to be with someone whowantsto be with you. Someone who appreciates your love for the gift it is. Not someone who’s so closed off.”

Taylor sent two more texts over the next day, both asking to talk, and when I ignored both of them, she sent two final texts the following day.

Taylor:You don’t want to talk to me. I get it. I won’t bother you again, I promise. But I want you to know, I’m really sorry about how things happened. My last relationship was a trainwreck and…

Taylor:Well, I won’t get into all that other than to say, it made me think I can’t trust my feelings. That I suck at relationships. But I want you to know I had a great time with you, and if you ever change your mind about talking or seeing each other or you just want to do another scene, I’m here for you. Take care.

I debated responding and even started to compose a reply a few times before I finally decided to delete the entire messagestring. Otherwise I’d just keep re-reading it, and that wasn’t my healthiest option.

Bree was right. I deserved better.

After moping around for a few weeks I joined a lesbian dating site and promised myself to go on some dates with women who interested me. I was still figuring out my sexuality. I knew I was attracted to certain men, and I was incredibly attracted to Taylor, but I wanted to see what happened when I explored a connection with other women. I wasn’t experienced by any means, but at least I’d had sex with one woman. I wasn’t going into the lesbian dating scene totally blind. I was sure I could figure things out with the right woman.

And maybe if I was really lucky, the woman would be kinky. Or I’d find another BDSM club to visit.

Taylor

Three months later…

“I don’t know about this.”

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