Page 57 of Fire Bound

I wantto keep playing in the rain with Jax’s wolf. It’s no surprise I’ve found yet another side of Jax that I love. Even the sides of him I hate, I love. The ugly, broken, mean sides I love and unfortunately want them all. I’ve become addicted to him even though it hurts.

He fights me when I usher him back toward where I left my clothes, but begrudgingly he eventually follows me. I’d love to spend another hour in the woods, neglecting our real-world problems, but we’ve already wasted more time than we should out here.

My wolf pouts for a second before finally allowing me to shift back. The cold wind blows against my bare skin, making me shiver. The black wolf standing next to me releases a low whine, not happy I’ve changed back. “I know,” I tell him, running my hand over his head. He leans into my touch immediately. “We have to go. Can I have Jax back now?”

His eyes narrow as he makes an indignant, chuffing noise before he turns away from me. Confused, I jog ahead of him and stop him from going any farther. He tries to get around me, but I hold my ground. Kneeling in front of him, I smooth my hand soothingly over the side of his face. “I promise I’ll see you soon, but right now I need Jax.” I lean my forehead against his as he grumbles in displeasure. If Jax keeps him locked away, like I’m starting to believe he does, it’s no wonder his wolf is reluctant to go back. He doesn’t know when the next time he’ll be free is. Living locked away isn’t healthy for a wolf. “Come on, Jax,” I whisper even though I’m not sure he can hear me. “Come back to me.”

The wolf backs away from me, making a low, unhappy noise in his chest. His head shakes back and forth, and he snorts, as if he’s fighting to maintain control. Eventually, the man wins, and the wolf is locked back inside. The black fur melts away and is replaced with perfectly smooth, tanned skin.

Once again, Jax appears in front of me on his hands and knees. His chest heaves and his fingers dig into the mud underneath him like he’s confirming he’s once more human. His head is bowed and he’s yet to look up at me. I’m not even sure he knows that I’m here.

When I say his name softly and his head snaps up in surprise, my theory is confirmed.

Blazing violet eyes widen and his lips part in a silent gasp when he finally sees me kneeling before him. All of the color drains from his face. “Remington?” My name comes out as a croak.

“Hi,” I answer with a small, nervous wave.

His gaze looks over every inch of my naked body like he’s looking for something. “Why are you here? Are you okay?” Jax looks more confused than I’ve ever seen him.

“I’m fine,” I assure him. “Am I not supposed to be?”

His head shakes back and forth. “No,” he rasps. “You should be dead.”

Shifting always makes me feel like I’ve been run over by a steamroller. Every fiber of my being is in pain after I’ve spent time in my wolf form. I think it’s my wolf’s way of punishing me for keeping him so tightly locked up and only allowing him freedom once every few months.

I can’t believe I lost control tonight. It’s been so long since I’ve last done that. When I shift, I methodically plan it out months in advance. There are a few small uninhabited islands off the coasts of America that I like to shift on. The only things that are in danger there are the wildlife. There aren’t any human lives there that might accidentally fall victim to my wolf’s wrath. I lucked the fuck out tonight that I was able to get to the wooded area we’re in now, but what I don’t understand is how I managed to stay within the parameters of the trees. Usually, my wolf would have just run off into the town and started wreaking havoc on the citizens. Not that I’d remember doing it.

I never remember what happens while I’m in my wolf form, which is why I have no idea what Remington is doing naked in front of me right now or how she was able to be around my wolf without being killed.

“What?” she squawks. “What do you mean I should be dead?”

I bring my hand up to shove the hair that has fallen into my eyes out of the way but stop halfway through when I discover my hands are covered in mud.Better than the usual blood.“You were around my wolf?” I ask.

“You don’t remember?”

When I don’t immediately answer her question, her unyielding stare finally breaks me down. “I… black out when I shift,” I reluctantly admit. “I never remember what horrors I’ve inflicted when my beast is in control.”

“Oh,” she mumbles while she ponders what I’ve said for a second. “Yes, I was around your wolf,” Remi finally confesses. “Well, it was more than just being ‘around’him. We got to know each other, and I shifted and let my wolf play with him for an hour or so. Took us a minute to figure each other out, but no surprise, just like you did, he grew on me.”

I feel like I’m in the Twilight Zone. I’m hearing what she’s saying but I’m not believing a word of it. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

“What doesn’t?”

“How you’re alive right now when you shouldn’t be.” I sit back on my haunches and stare at her in disbelief. “Remington, there is a reason I’ve never shifted in front of you or your pack before. Hell, there’s a reason I’ve never confirmed if I was even able to shift.”

She cocks her head to the side, clearly perplexed. “I don’t understand, he seemed a little testy… intense even—”

My cold, cynical laugh cuts her off. “Intense,” I repeat, shaking my head in awe. “Intense is putting it mildly.”

“Jax, what are you saying?”

I release a long breath. “All this time, I haven’t been protecting you from me, I’ve been protecting you from him, Remington. Every single person I’ve ever shifted in front of my wolf has killed or attempted to kill. From the very start, my wolf was disturbingly fascinated with you which concerned me because every other person he’s ever been captivated by he’s wanted dead. I couldn’t risk your life by letting him get too close to you.”

She crouches there silently, like she’s trying to process what I’m telling her, as her eyes take on a confused look. “Jax, I feel like we’re talking about two different animals. Yeah, we got off to a little bit of a rocky start, but after that, he was completely fine. Sure, he’s got a quick fuse, but so do you so it wasn’t that different.” Her fingers trace along a healing mark I’m just now seeing on her jaw. In a flash, I’m kneeling right in front of her, taking her face in my muddy hand so I can examine the wound. “It’s fine. Like I said, we had a rocky start, but he felt bad after he did it. Just like you, he can be gentle when he wants to be.”

“He’s never gentle,” I argue, still not understanding what’s happening. “There isn’t a second—a moment of peace—where I’m not fighting him for control. With every breath I take, I’m forcing him to stay in the binds I’ve placed on him. We share a mind and a body, but we don’t share souls. Mine is dark and corrupted, but his is pure black.”

As if Remi’s putting together the pieces that have been missing, her eyes search my face, but they’re not truly focused on me as she thinks. Finally, her lips part in a soft gasp as she jerks her face out of my hands. She clambers to her feet and backs away from me while her hands sink into the mussed strands of her hair. Remi paces for a beat before her head snaps in my direction once more. “So, this is why then?” she begins to question. “This is why, since the very beginning you’ve kept me at arm’s length and why when you finally did let me in, you brutally turned on me?”

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