Page 45 of Fire Bound

No. I don’t.“You deserve every ounce of happiness in this world, and I’d sacrifice everything if I thought I could be the one to give it to you.”

Her head tips back so she can look me in the eye. “Can we pretend for a minute that you are?”

“We agreed no more pretending.”

“I just need a minute longer.” It’s a lie. We’ll always need a minute longer. “Just give me this, Jax.Please. Let’s pretend that we’re not broken and damaged. Let’s pretend that we haven’t said the ugly things that we have, and let’s pretend that everything is going to be alright. Kiss me and pretend the world isn’t burning down around us.”

How am I supposed to refuse that request? How am I supposed to tell her no when she’s looking at me with those beautiful storm-like eyes?

With only a second of hesitation, I meet her lips halfway.

This kiss isn’t angry like the last one. The hot fury that fueled our last exchange has been dampened and replaced with remorse and sorrow.

We kiss each other like it’s the last time we’ll ever do this because it should be. If I’m strong enough to do what I need to, this will be the last time I taste Remington’s mouth and feel her tongue sweep across mine.

Our mouths work together in a slow rhythm like we are both desperately trying to commit this feeling to memory. With each brush of our lips across each other’s, we are memorizing the sensation.

My fingers thread into the soft shoulder-length waves of her hair as her hands knot into the front of my shirt. We cling to each other because without having to say the words aloud, we both know what’s coming. Remington isn’t an idiot. She’s smarter than most give her credit for. I’m sure she figured out I’m leaving before I’d fully made the decision myself.

Pressing my lips against hers in one last punishing kiss, I inhale her before I muster the strength to pull away.

“I’m going to take care of everything,” I promise her, burning the vow into our very souls. “I’ll make sure you can smile again, Remington. That’s all I want. You know that, right?”

“Jax…” She reaches for me, but her hand is met by the faintest cloud of smoke as I dissolve into nothing with a singular thought in my head.Find Sterling before he finds Remington and her family.

This is my purpose.

Covered in sweat and blood, some mine and some Ranger’s, I walk into the kitchen and grab a bottle of water from the refrigerator. Every single one of my muscles hurt and my bones ache, but I’d take the physical pain over the emotional pain any day. At least with a sore body, there are easy remedies. A little ice, some pain relievers, and maybe a hot pad, you’re good to go. It’s not that easy with emotional pain. Those wounds aren’t visible, there aren’t any physical reminders of what caused you to bleed, but somehow they find a way to hurt more.

He just left.

Without a word to anyone. Not even Pruitt and those two have become pretty buddy-buddy. She’s called or texted me every day asking if I’d heard from him and every day it’s the same answer. No, I haven’t talked to him. I’m not sure he ever plans on coming back. The way he slipped away from me makes me think he isn’t coming back.

It’s been four days since he walked away. For those four days, I’ve thrown myself into training. For months I craved the solitude of the quiet hotel room, but now the idea of sitting in that cold, impersonal room makes my skin crawl. Silence isn’t my friend right now. It makes me sit there and replay those last moments up on the ridge.

He was telling me goodbye without saying the words. That kiss it felt so…final. Like a breakup. Not that we were ever truly together, but it hurts just the same if not more. Instead of thinking of all the things I’ve actually lost, I’m mourning the idea of what could have been and that hurts more. The what-ifs replay in my head like a movie I’ll never get to watch.

While I train with my brothers, I don’t think about anything but what’s right in front of me, and that’s what I need right now. I can’t sit here and worry about where Jax is. If he’s doing what I think he’s doing, he’s a fucking idiot. He can’t find and fight Kaius and Sterling alone. If he could, he would have done it years ago.

It’s only been a few days of really focusing on training, but I already feel stronger. My mind is also starting to clear, my instincts are getting sharper with each training session. The dark haze I’ve been living under is clearing just enough that I can see a path in front of me again. I’m trying my best to fight against the sad cloud that has settled in since Gage died. It doesn’t hurt any less, but I’m so tired of it weighing me down.

I’m leaning against the counter, bottle of water in my hand when Whisper comes lurking around the corner with a look on his face. “You look weird,” I tell him. “Well, weirder than normal. You kinda always have that odd‘don’t get too close to me, I might sniff your hair or feet’vibe to you.”

His eyes roll behind his glasses. “I’m not going tosniffyour feet.”

“I’m relieved to hear I can now wear open-toed shoes around you,” I joke before taking a sip of water. “What’s really wrong with you?”

He trails a finger over the pristine white marble countertop, looking away from me. “Have you seen Jax?”

“Why does everyone keep asking me that?” My hand squeezes the plastic bottle in my hand in frustration. It makes an obnoxious crinkling sound. “I’m not Jax’s keeper and he’s not mine.”

“So that’s ano?”

“No, I haven’t seen or talked to Jax,” I grit out.

“Okay…” He trails off, but it’s clear he has more to say. Whisper doesn’t come across as someone that holds back but right now it’s clear to me that he’s holding back.

“Just spit whatever it is out already,” I demand. “I don’t have the patience right now to wait for you to find your words,Hot Topic.”

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