Page 96 of Fated or Knot

“As I have despised the very concept of fate.” He scoffed bitterly. “Some invisible force deciding who is a scent match, or a fated mate, and who loses said mate before they ever get to know them. I urged my brothers to give up on finding Pack Sorles a scent-matched omega. We’d searched for years without finding her. All we needed was a political match that we could support as a strong queen.”

I tried to pull my legs up as a shield, though the cast made it highly uncomfortable. What was he saying? Did he have regrets now that I was here? Or maybe he still didn’t think I’d make for a strong queen. I doubted it, too, but it felt terrible to hear it from one of my scent matches, even the one that was always the most skeptical.

He took in my posture and gusted out a sigh. “I knew I’d fuck this up,” he muttered. He shifted his weight so he was on his knees before me and tilted his head, deliberately baring his throat. My mouth dropped open in utter shock. “What I’m trying to say is that I was wrong. I was wrong abouteverything. I have been monumentally selfish, and I’m sorry, Lark. Please hear me out before you choose to dismiss me as your mate.”

That wasn’t a pose of trust; it was submission. Something an omega rarely saw from an alpha, ever. Marius had such a dominant alpha presence too… just seeing him this way boggled my mind. He maintained his deference as he continued, “I sensed that you were mine when we met as children. It wasn’t so intense back then. I just wanted to be your friend, to be close to you and protect you if you needed it.”

“I remember,” I murmured.

He rumbled low in his throat. “I don’t, not really, just howrightit’d felt to be by your side. You were my p’nixie, the most unique omega who’d ever visited here. Then you never came back…then word reached us of your death. I was in a practice spar with Theodred when Mother read the letter. Her sudden grief at losing a child hit their pack bond, and then his famed self-control slipped for one moment and he hit me with his full strength.” He ran a finger over the silvery scar crossing his face. “I came a hairsbreadth from death and returned with this. The best team of healers and human doctors around restored the shape of my face, but my disfigurement and damaged eye were the trade-off.”

“I see,” I said faintly, swallowing a secondhand sense of guilt. I hadn’t realized I was involved, even this indirectly, with his training accident. I wondered if he resented Theodred for the damage. “Which eye?”

I wasn’t too surprised when he tapped below his right eye. The angle of the scar crossed that socket. It was probably a miracle he still had it at all.

“That is my greatest weakness. If I am to continue as your protector, you mustn’t tell a soul. Theodred kept me as his apprentice and vowed to correct his mistake, which meant extensive extra training to hide how off-balance I was.” He sighed heavily. “I took to it with a vengeance. I got out of my infirmary bed a different boy, an angry one. I hated theworld and everyone in it, and most of the fae in the stars too, including you.Especiallyyou. My disfigurement was the constant reminder of your death. It wasn’t fair… Other kelpies never had to know the pain of losing their fated mate so young.”

My heart hurt for him, and tears pricked my eyes. He spoke from a place of deep pain, dredging the depths of who he was at this point. “Marius…”

He shook his head, remaining fixedly in his submissive pose. “My beast never believed in your death. I began fighting with it, furious that it, too, had turned on me. It urged me to leave my life behind and find you. The older I became, the stronger the urges were, until it began to take over and force my body in the right direction. No other female has ever been enough to dissuade it. It has wanted you and only you.My p’nixie. Kauz named it, like I have some split personality. It is a he now and answers to Niall. He only seems to like two fae, Kauz and you.”

Stars, this poor male. “Niall,” I repeated, mostly to myself. Something told me I would need that name.

His eyes began to dilate. “Don’t call him. He’s already too eager,” he growled. “He recognized you when I did not. He—I…am still so fucking proud you perfumed for me. As if some part of you still knew who your kelpie is. Even though I’ve been an ass to you since. My eyes told me you were not my p’nixie, but some frail imposter. I worried my instincts would lead me to breaking you if I allowed Niall any control. So, I tried to scare you away from me on the magirail ride here. If you didn’t touch me or talk to me, I could keep him in check. I only held him back by hurting you…”

Oh, so all that unfriendly posturing was for a reason. Marius gritted his teeth, his presence full of fury, though I had the sense it was all self-directed. My inner omega urged for me to go to him, as he was so clearly struggling. But he wasn’t done talking yet.

“And when he finally seized control, all he wanted was to fall down at your feet. To be claimed. To be your kelpie. I have fought myself for years when I could’ve been working with my instincts, and I will never outlive how sorry that makes me feel.”

He took a ragged breath. As he spoke, he grew increasingly upset, and his pheromones soured, rot lacing his green scent. “I failed at being your protector from the moment I accepted your false death, so…I throw myself on your mercy. I do not deserve to be your mate. I’m sorry I did not rescue you. I’m sorry I pushed you away. I’m sorry I blamed you for your reactions to your abuser. I’m?—”

Letting the blanket cushion my landing, I slid out of the armchair and onto my knees. I couldn’t take it anymore. I flung my arms around him, hugging the hard lines of his torso, and kissed his exposed throat. My lips landed right next to the parallel impression of closed gills I only recognized because I had them now, too.

He sucked in and looked at me with something like disbelief. “I’m not done,” he said gruffly.

“You are,” I assured him, reaching up to touch his face and the shadow of stubble gracing his cheek. My thumb brushed the dense end of his scar where the skin pulled taut. “How could I blame you for being an angry, lost kid? I forgive you, Marius. Maybe you won’t feel so feral if you don’t have to war with yourself anymore.”

He shuttered his eyelids over those predatory eyes and banded his arms around me. Nosing into my hair, he took a hitching breath. Then another. I was the one who cried, a couple tears spilling down my face as he released his grief one small sob at a time.

“I’ve been loyal,” he mumbled. “I’ve waited for you.”

“I know,” I whispered back.

“If we were parted again, I would tear the world apart to get you back. No force short of death could stop me. I swear it.”

I rubbed his back, trying to soothe him even though any purr I attempted to make got choked in my throat. “You won’t have to, stars willing.”

“I won’t war with Niall anymore. He’s right. I am yours.” His voice rose to a growl. “I want you to start the kelpie bond soon, p’nixie. Sink those little fangs in me.”

My breath caught. He couldn’t mean he wanted it right now. The rawness of how he felt meant he probably wasn’t thinking straight about his one permanent bond. “I will. But I also want more of the Marius I saw in my forgotten memories. My best friend,” I said.

He sighed and scented me again. “I can’t promise I know who that boy is anymore.”

“Maybe I can help you figure it out. And by the way, you’re not disfigured. I think you’re a handsome beast, especially when you smile.”

By the way he stilled, I figured that was the wrong thing to say about his scar. He released me from the hard grip of his arms to cup my face with both his callused hands. The feral side had risen in him, and it growled “mine” before grabbing a fistful of my hair and slanting a possessive kiss over my mouth.

He kissed me harder until I parted my lips and tasted his mint and waterlilies on my tongue. The pressure relented, and he stroked his fingers through my hair, petting it as he slowed to leisurely explore my mouth. His other hand wavered, uncertain, before closing around my hip.

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