Page 38 of Gathered Sparkle

The vibrations cut through the chaos in my chest, giving me something to focus on, something real. She rubs against me again before climbing onto my lap, where I bury my hands in her fur, clinging to her warmth and the steady rhythm of her purrs. It anchors me for a second, but then the weight of everything crashes over me again, making it hard to breathe.

Seeing Nova again, her face, her voice, it’s like ripping open a wound that has never healed in the first place. And worse, it’s tangled with an ache I can’t name, a feeling that’s too raw to even touch.

She lived on without me.

The door creaks, pulling me out of my thoughts. I look up sharply as it opens, realizing too late that I didn’t lock it properly.

Sylus steps inside, his usual cocky grin absent. Instead, his face is serious, his eyes scanning the room before landing on me. He doesn’t say anything at first, only closes the door behind him and crosses his arms, leaning against it.

“I figured you’d be up here losing your shit,” he says finally. “Tell me what’s going on.”

I don’t answer. What the hell am I supposed to say? That it’s as if my world was turned upside down? That I don’t know how to face her, let alone myself?

Sylus doesn’t wait for an answer. He pushes off the door and moves closer, crouching down in front of me. His eyes flicker to Jinx, who’s still curled in my lap, then back to me.

“Talk to me, Ric,” he demands softly.

“She’s alive.” The words feel foreign on my tongue like they don’t belong to me. “She’s… alive.”

“Who is she to you?”

Everything.

“My girlfriend. The girlfriend I killed in a car crash, the girlfriend I went to jail for.” Sylus’s brows lift, surprise flashing across his face, but he doesn’t interrupt. “I thought I killed her, Sy. For eight years, I thought… I thought she was gone. But apparently, it’s her twin I killed. Somehow, she thought I was dead too. And now…” I shake my head, unable to finish the thought.

“And now she’s here,” Sylus says quietly, filling in the gap.

“I don’t know how to deal with this. I don’t know how to even look at her. I’m not the guy she used to know. I’m broken.” My voice is a whisper. It’s the only way I’m able to say the words. “I prayed for years to turn back time. To undo what happened. To have her back.” My hands tighten a little around Jinx, who lets out a small chirp of protest but stays put. “But now she’s here, Sy. She’s here, and she’s still so damn perfect, just like she was eight years ago. And me?” I let out a bitter laugh.

Sylus’s eyes hold mine, steady and unflinching as if he’s waiting for me to get it all out.

“I wanted her back,” I continue, the words spilling out like a confession. “God, I wanted her back more than anything. But not like this. Not for her to see what I’ve become. She lived her life without me, and she… she’s still standing. She’s still…her.I don’t want her to see how broken I am now. It’s not fair, Sy. It’s not fair to put this on her.”

Sylus sits back on his heels, crossing his arms over his knees. “You’re an idiot.”

I blink. “What?”

“You’re astupididiot. I’ve gotten to know her these last few months, Ric. She’s tough as nails, but I’ve seen her hurt too. I’ve seen those cracks, and now I know what it was about. It was aboutyou.It was always about you.”

His words are a sucker punch. I mean, I just saw that she’s hurting, but I thought it was about seeing me again after all these years.

She was hurt? All this time?

I look away, my hand trembling as I stroke Jinx’s fur, but Sylus doesn’t let up. “She’s been carrying you this whole damn time,” he continues. “And I bet everything I’ve got that girl would doanythingto have you back, no matter what you think of yourself now. No matter what you’ve become. She’d be the one to help you get back to yourself.”

“Is that fair, though?” I shake my head, my throat tightening. “Is it fair to put that burden on her? She’s already been through hell because of me. I killed her twin sister with my stupid behavior. I can’t—” My voice cracks, and I can’t finish the thought. “She deserves better.”

Sylus lets out a heavy sigh as he looks at me like I’m the dumbest person he’s ever met. “Fair?” he echoes, disbelief coloring his tone. “You want to talk about fair? She thought you were dead, Ric. Shemournedyou.And now you’re alive. That’s not fair, that’s a fucking miracle. Nothing less.” Jinx shifts in my lap, pressing her head against my chest with a gentle nudge, her purring growing louder. Sylus notices and cracks a small, knowing smile. “See? Even the damn cat thinks you’re being an idiot.”

A quiet, strangled laugh escapes me, sounding more like a sob and reminding me of her almost hysterical laughter earlier.The way it morphed into sobs, the way her body trembled when she pulled me close, burying her face in my neck. Her tears, her desperation. And the way I pushed her away.

I squeeze my eyes shut, but the images don’t stop. The panic on her face as I recoiled from her, the fear in her voice as she called after me, the weight of the door slamming shut behind me.

Fuck.

“I fucked up.”

I’m falling apart.

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