Page 189 of Scattered Glitter

I pull her closer, wrapping my arms around her and holding her tightly against my chest. “I know,” I whisper, my lips pressing against her hair. “I know it hurts. I’m so,sosorry.”

I knew she lived her life always on guard, but even so, I could have never imagined the hell she’s been through, the hell she’s still carrying with her every day.

Glitter clings to me, her face pressed against my neck. Her tears are hot and wet against my skin, her breaths still only coming in shuddering gasps. “Please,” she pleads again. “Please,Koen.”

"I’m here,” I repeat. “I’m not going anywhere.”

I try to keep her still with my hand on her back, offering her some semblance of comfort, but she’s relentless. She’s grinding against me, her body feverish, her hips rolling as though she’s on a mission. She’s only in her panties, and I’m down to my boxers, allowing her pussy to hug my shaft as she moves. It’s torture, sweet, unbearable torture, and as much as I hate seeing her this broken, I can’t deny howfucking hard it makes me with her moving on top of me like this.

“It’s not enough,” she whimpers as she grinds harder. “Ineedyou.”

She confessed that she uses alcohol and men to cope—sex to cope—and even if I gave her permission to drink right now, it wouldn’t be enough. Not for this kind of pain. But I’m not going to fuck her. Not like this. I need her to see that she’s worth more than a quick fuck.

I want her,fuck, I want her more than anything, but I won’t let our first time be like this. At the same time, every instinct I have screams to pull her close, to soothe away the pain carved across her face. My heart pounds, loud and insistent, as if it’s trying to warn me, to remind me of those boundaries I’ve drawn in my mind. There’s a line I swore I wouldn’t cross holding me in place, keeping my hands from wandering.

I shouldn’t do this. I promised myself I’d be careful. I let myself go too far, let myself care too much, only to be burned.

I look at the woman in my arms again, and it’s like all the air is stolen from the room. Her pain is raw, naked, impossible to ignore, and my resolve wavers.

Just this once.

Closing my eyes, I exhale as I let my hands move to her hips.

Just this oncebecause she needs me.

My hands tighten on her as I deliberately pull her over my cock, and she gasps, her breath hitching as she feels the pressure. My balls are already drawn up tight, and I’m praying I don’t embarrass myself. It’s been so fucking long since I’ve been with anyone, and she isn’tjustanyone.

“I’ve got you, okay? I promise I’ve got you,” I rasp, ragged, as I guide her movements. My hands slide to her ass,spreading her open as she grinds down on me. The tip of my cock rubs against her clit through the thin fabric, and she moans, her eyes scrunched closed.

“More,” she gasps. “Please, Koen, I need more.”

I’m about to lose my fucking mind.

Every instinct in me is screaming to rip off her panties, to pull my cock free, and bury myself inside her until we both forget every goddamn thing that’s ever happened to us. But I need to keep my shit together—for her. This isn’t about me. This is purely to help her ride out the storm raging inside her pretty head.

I groan as her hands slide under my shirt, her nails scraping down my abs, making my muscles clench. She’s not fucking helping. “Get it off,” she commands in a near-frantic whisper, bunching my shirt up to my pecs. “I need to feel your skin.”

She yanks her shirt over her head, and my eyes are drawn to her shoulder first, to the scar on her perfect skin. It must be from the crash she’s now spiraling from.

Before the thought can fully form, my gaze drops, and I short-circuit.

Her perfect fucking tits.

My pulse thunders in my ears as all rational thought evaporates, my restraint dangling by the thinnest thread. I tear off my shirt, my body trembling with the effort to keep myself from losing complete control. All I know is want and restraint, guilt and desire.

None of it matters when she’s looking at me likethat, like I’m the only thing she needs in the world right now.

And then she’s leaning down, her tits pressing into me, her hips rolling over my cock again, dragging a low groan from deep in my chest. She tries to kiss me, but I turn my head, my lips finding her neck instead. I’m not giving her our first kiss like this. Not mindless.

“Still not enough,” she whimpers, her following breaths shaky. “I. Need. You.”

“I’m not going to fuck you like this.” I voice my resolve against her throat, a mix of grit and regret. “But I want you to use me, precious. Use me as you need to.”

Her eyes are wide and dark with need when I pull back to see her response, and she moves, lifting herself to adjust. She pulls her panties to the side and presses her wet heat directly against my cock, only the thin fabric of my boxers keeping us apart. I almost fucking break right then at the desperation, beautiful and raw.

“Eyes on me,” I tell her roughly, my hands on her hips guiding her as she starts to move again. I need to see her, to watch her pain turn to something else I can help her with. Her thighs clench around me as her pussy glides up and down my length. Her pupils dilate when our gazes clash, then her expression softens, if only a little, as she loses herself in the motion of our bodies.

Her hands find my chest then, and she picks up the pace. “Goddamn,” I growl out as her tits bounce with each grind. I reach up, cupping her breasts, rolling her nipples between my fingers, and she cries out, the pain in her eyes fading, replaced by something hazier, something that feels close to relief.

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