Page 73 of Scattered Glitter

Every fucking time.

This time, it hits even harder. I hate how much I already miss him being close, the warmth of his body next to mine.

When he comes back and slides under the covers, pulling me snugly into his arms, the void fills,and my body thaws with each soft kiss he presses to the top of my head. The relief is immediate, but so is the fear.

What the fuck am I even doing?

This is exactly why I don’t do seconds and let myself get attached. Safety is everything I want but can’t have. And the thought of him taking it away will be even harder.

“You okay?” he asks quietly, sensing the tension creeping into my body.

“Are you?” I counter, trying to push the unease aside.

“I don’t knowwhatI am. You just blew my brain out of my skull.”

I snort. “I didn’t blow you at all.”

His laugh is low, throaty. “Another reason we should repeat this.”

I turn in his arms, meeting his eyes again, and there it is, that grin, so damn cocky and irresistible. A reluctant smile curves my lips despite myself. “I told you—”

“I know.” His gaze softens as his hand strokes my back, his touch grounding me. “I… I don’t want this to stop. There’s too much good here.” I frown at him, but he quickly continues, “There is too much goodsexto throw it away. No strings attached, promise. Just you, me, and fun. Good feelings. Nothing else.”

I search his face, trying to gauge how serious he is, how much of this is just talk. But his eyes are steady, sincere. And for a moment, I let myself believe it.

Just fun. No strings. Over and over with the same guy.

The handsome-as-fuck guy who just rocked my world.

I can do that,right?

Maybe it’s exactly what I need now that drinking isn’t an option to dull the edges. Finding random bodies to warm my bed every time I’m spiraling will be exhausting. Having one person—one steady, reliable, insanely hot person—who I can turn to when I need that release? That doesn’t sound so bad. It almost sounds…safe.

I don’t answer him. I simply lie there and allow myself to sink into the sensation as the rhythm of his fingers stroking my back lulls me further into a dangerous sense of calm. I shouldn’t be letting this happen. This is exactly what I’ve always tried to avoid. Letting someone in, even fora night longer than I planned. Attachments make everything harder, even if they’re only fuck buddies.

The deeper you let someone in, the more it hurts when they leave.

Or die.

They take that warmth with them, and I can’t afford to lose something I barely have. God, I’m so tired of being cold, keeping everyone at arm’s length, convincing myself I don’t need this, and fine on my own. I’ve built walls so high that even I’m suffocating behind them.

Hottie continues stroking my back and hair, his fingers trailing down my upper arm. The fight in me is draining away with every gentle caress. He doesn’t push. He’s there, solid and warm.

Maybe I could give him something. Not everything, butsomething. Just enough to feel the warmth without getting burned. The way I did with Annabelle.

Can I walk that line when sex is involved?

“You don’t have to decide anything now,” his voice is a soft rumble. “I don’t need promises, just… don’t say no too quickly.”

I should absolutely say no, but instead, I stay silent and lean into him, letting his touch soothe the ache that’s been gnawing at me for longer than I care to admit. The tiredness in my bones is overwhelming, pulling me under, and I don’t have the strength to fight it anymore, not after the long fucking day I’ve had.

I’m too tired to think about the consequences or to push him away. Right now, all I want is to be held, even if it’s temporary.

He shifts beside me. “Can I… stay the night?”

I pretend to be asleep, hoping he’ll either quietly slip out or stay.

Just for a little while longer.

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