Page 56 of Until We Break

“Have you gotten what you came for?”

I wasn’t ready to answer. “Coffee?” I offered, squeezing through the tiny space by the counter to reach the coffee pot. I poured a mug for Caleb. I placed it in his hands so he would finally let go of the damn book.

“Let’s sit on the porch. But, I’ve got to get those biscuits.”

I stifled a laugh, watching this strong, athletic man who was capable of almost any physical task wrestle with a potholder to get the tray out of the oven.

“This will have to do.” He piled them on a plate and we walked together to the screen porch, sitting next to each other. I put my feet up on one of the faded cushions.

“I don’t know the answer to give you about why I came,” I finally replied. “I got the papers from a messenger. I’d been kicked out of the apartment I lived in with my boyfriend. The book tanked. The tour was canceled. I drove here with everything I owned stuffed in my car.” I held the coffee to my lips. “I guess I did want to come back to the island.”

“I’m glad you did.” His smile was easy. Sexy.

“Aren’t you going to ask the follow-up question?”

“What’s that?” He played innocent well.

“The conversation we never had last night. The one I owe you.” Last night we were swept away in each other. But I knew we couldn’t push away the truth. I couldn’t cast it away any longer.

“I don’t know what else to say. Why don’t you start with why you left?”

I closed my eyes. I wanted him to know all of it instantly, but he was right. I had to start at the beginning.

“There was something I never told you that summer.”

“I’m going to listen to all of it.” He leaned back into the worn cushions.

I exhaled. “The reason my mom and I were here with Uncle Walt the entire summer was because my parents had separated. I was too embarrassed to tell you, I think. I didn’t want it to define my time with you. It didn’t feel real.” I turned to face him on the loveseat. “I should have told you. I should have told someone.”

“What happened? With your parents?”

“It was only for that summer. I don’t really know what happened between them. They didn’t talk about it. We went back to Virginia, and they acted like everything was fine and perfectly normal like Mom and I had been on a big summer vacation together.” I stared at my coffee.

“That’s kind of fucked up.”

“It is. It was.” I took a breath. Thinking about my parents in the past tense always made my stomach drop. “I kept the secret too. I’m not sure why. When I was with you, I only wanted it to be about us.” I turned toward him. “Does that make sense?”

“Mmmhmm.” His jaw locked the way it always did when he was thinking.

“Then one day, I woke up and Mom said she had packed the car, and we were driving to Virginia.” My palms became sticky. “Walt seemed annoyed. He went out to get more bait or something. I don’t actually know. But he hadn’t come back by the time I was packed. We left without saying goodbye to him.”

“What?” Caleb rubbed the back of his head. It still surprised me how short it was compared to when we met.

“Yeah. Something happened between those two. Mom didn’t talk about that either. I don’t know if I was in shock. I was angry. I was so angry at my mom for making me leave when I didn’twant to go home. And I had no explanation. No reason from her. From my dad. I screwed up everything with you.” My face fell into my hands. “I knew it. I knew what I had done, and I couldn’t deal with any of it. I shut down.”

“I want to tell you it’s okay.” He sighed. “But God, it messed me for a long time.”

I nodded, still unable to look at him. “It messed me up too.”

He gently tugged my hands away from my face. “I wish I had known what was going on with you that summer. It makes sense now. If I had known, everything would have been different.”

I bit the inside of my cheek. I had hurt him. Hurt us. We had carried the pain of my indecision for seven years. I never shook him. Never forgot him. Never could untangle him from my mind.

“I know. I’m sorry.” I had to choke down the sob that almost cut off the words. I owed him that apology for seven years. “I’m so sorry, Caleb. I should have said it last night and when I saw you for the first time and every day I had a chance. I should have said I’m sorry.”

We sat in silence, and I wondered if the apology had come too late. I worried last night hadn’t knitted us back together the way I thought but only made a temporary stitch.

THIRTY

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