Page 20 of Until We Break

I’m not sure when or if it was something I decided, but I knew I wasn’t going to let this kid wake up scared and alone in an emergency room. I would walk to the hospital. Although, I looked down at my bare feet. My silk pajama shorts were stuck to my legs. They dried this way after I pulled the boy in from the capsized Sunfish. My tank top stuck to my chest and it was tight on my skin. I looked like shit. I felt like shit.

Caleb wanted to help. Maybe because he felt how desperate I was. How deep and rooted the desperation that was buried inside me had now started to become my scent. My state of being. It wasn’t about the book. Or the rejection. Or the weight of the Blue Heron. It was who I was now. He saw it.

I had convinced myself after a week on the island I wouldn’t see him. That maybe he had moved away, and he was gone. Like the ghost of him, I had created in my mind. When he pulled up to the dock, my chest tightened. My skin prickled. I didn’t know if he was a mirage or a hero. Fantasy or torture. He had haunted me for so long that I didn’t know how to look in the eye and believe any of it was real.

Caleb walked across the gravel lot. His boots kicked up dust. I waited for the inevitable speech about how I should go home, and someone would call with an update when there was one. I also knew that meant no one would call me because I was not a relative. I was not that little boy’s mother.

He cleared his throat. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Talked to one of the guys back at base. He has a buddy over here with a truck he’s not using. We can borrow it and ride to the hospital. He said we can use it for the night if we need to keep it that long.”

I stared at him. I didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t the inevitable speech.

“You still want to go?” he prodded me to answer. “I can tell him we don’t need it if you changed your mind. It’s cool if you want me to take you back to the island.”

I nodded. “Of course. Yes. I want to go to the hospital. Where’s the truck? Where does this guy live? How did you pull this off?”

He shrugged his broad shoulders. He had filled out even more in the last seven years. “It’s not far. Can you walk? Or errr…” His eyes traveled along my legs to my bare feet. “There’s a surf shop across the street. We could stop in. Flipflops? T-shirt? Maybe a hat?”

I blushed, running my fingers through the messy tangle of hair. “I don’t have my wallet with me. I jumped in like this when I saw him tip over and…” I didn’t think about anything when I saw him except that I had to pull him out of the water. I didn’t know until now I even had an instinct like that inside me.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s on me. But maybe go for the sales rack. Unless you want me to check the cutter for a Coast Guard T-shirt and pair of shorts?”

I remembered I shoved the blanket away when he offered it. It was still an option. Although, I didn’t want to walk through the hospital with a green wool blanket wrapped around my body. Wearing oversized men’s clothes was just as appealing. But this? To let Caleb buy clothes for me? He didn’t owe me anything.

“I’ll pay you back,” I promised. “As soon as we get back to Marshoak. Every penny of it.”

“It’s fine. Really, don’t worry about it.” We started to walk toward the surf shop. The Hang Ten sign for the store was bright yellow, almost neon.

A group of bells jingled when we walked inside. “I won’t take long.”

I found the discount rack and flipped through the shirts. Some were obnoxious, and designed for tourists. It didn’t matter as long as I could put on something clean and dry for the hospital. I gathered a pair of board shorts, a T-shirt with the Hang Ten palm tree logo on the back, and a pair of tan flip flops in my arms. I met him at the register.

“Is that all you need?” he asked.

“I think so. Can I change after you pay for it?”

He looked at the cashier. She eyed my pajamas and smacked her gum. I prayed she didn’t ask why I looked like someone he hauled in from a shipwreck.

“Dressing rooms in the back. But I need to cut the tags.” She rolled her eyes. “You can’t do it. Store policy.” She pointed to a hand-written sign over her shoulder.

“Of course.”

I waited while he handed her cash for the new clothes, and she took her time to snip each of the tags. It felt like ten minutes passed before she handed me the bag over the counter. I snatched it and ran to the dressing room. I didn’t bother to save my clothes. I left everything behind, sliding into the flip-flops. I emerged from the dressing room more anxious to get to the hospital.

“Which way?” I was almost out the door when I asked. Caleb was right behind me.

“Over here.” He made a turn away from the marina.

We walked in silence until we made it to the friend of friend’s driveway. Neither of us knew what to say.

“He said the keys are under the mat.”

I stared. “This is legal? We aren’t stealing the truck?”

He slid behind the wheel and reached under his legs for the keys. “Completely legal.” The truck started and I felt a sense of relief as he pointed us toward the hospital.

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