Page 2 of Until We Break

I shrugged. I was tired. Too tired to do whatever he had in mind. I had a few drinks. I should have paid attention to how many as I tried to count them up in my head.

“It’s late. I have to work tomorrow.” It wasn’t true, but he didn’t know my work schedule any longer.

Dean shoved his hands in his pockets. His face looked warm, either from too much beer or from the girl who was wrapped around him on the couch.

“What has it been? Like a month?” He posed the question as if he didn’t know the answer. It had been two weeks. The messages he left on my voicemail told a different story. Maybe drunk Dean could play it cool. I found this to be backward that his sober side was worse at hiding things from me.

I nodded. “Yeah, I think so.” I didn’t want to argue with him or fall into his trap.

“Do you want to hang out and talk? I can get you a beer,” he offered.

“I don’t think so.” I pressed my lips together. It was better to leave.

His head dropped slightly. “Who did you come with?”

I stared at him. If it wasn’t so dark, he would have seen that I was not going to answer his questions.

“I’m only asking because you can’t walk home by yourself. I can walk you home,” he offered. “You know there are no streetlights on Marshoak.” Part of me softened at the sweetness of the gesture, but it didn’t last long.

“No. I’m good.” As far as I was concerned, this was the safest place I had ever been.

“I’m not going to try anything,” he argued. “We said we were going to stay friends. Friends do this kind of thing.”

“It’s not that—” I didn’t know how to tell him I didn’t even want to walk down the street with him. It was one more conversation I didn’t want to have.

“I won’t even mention the last time I saw you. I swear.” He raised his hands in the air. “Friend shit only. Let me show you I can do this. For fuck’s sake, it’s been a whole month. I can handle a walk. Shit, Margot, this is messed up if we can’t even take a fucking walk together.”

“Right. Yeah. I know. I get it. Thanks, Dean. I mean it, but I’m going to walk back by myself. You should go back to the party.It looked like you were having fun in there.” I was ready for this to be over. We had been over, way before we broke up, but I couldn’t make him let go. I tried new ways to bury the old connections. Cold. Distant. Mean. It didn’t work with him. Nothing worked.

I tried to tiptoe around the brittle reality. I didn’t want to be cruel. I was afraid if he pushed back, I would open the part of me I hated. The part that went for the pain. How did I beg him not to make me be that person? Not tonight.

“You saw that? It doesn’t mean anything. We’re just hanging out.” I thought I saw him smile. Was the girl a prop? There was a sour taste in my mouth. I wanted to leave, not stir up a past that should stay buried.

“Stop. Just stop. You can hang out with whoever you want.” I started to back away. The words were on the tip of my tongue. Words that would wound him. Embarrass him. Words that could ensure he’d never speak to me again. My throat tightened to keep them from slipping out. “Goodnight. Have fun.”

“Did it make you jealous?” he yelled across the gravel. “Because if it did…”

I picked up the pace. I didn’t want to turn around. I didn’t want to use the weapons I had. I didn’t want to be that person again.

“Hey.”

My nostrils filled with smoke. I didn’t know who was next to me or how he was suddenly by my side. He walked as quickly as I was as if he was trying to keep up or steer me faster. His arm brushed up against my shoulder. He was tall.

“Hi?” I questioned.

“I can walk you past the house then circle back. Just to get you in the clear.” He took a drag off the cigarette. I couldn’t help but watch his throat as the smoke circled over my head.

“Why would you do that?”

We had careered off the driveway and onto the one-lane road.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because we don’t know each other,” I explained. I knew he overheard my exchange with Dean.

“He started walking after you. I didn’t like it.” He flipped the cigarette onto the street without caring that the end still smoldered orange.

My eyes widened. I was surprised Dean had followed, and I hadn’t realized it. More surprised this stranger intervened. “This isn’t a rescue,” I stated. “Dean is harmless.”

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