Page 10 of Fast

Spotting the location of the unofficial party couldn’t be easier. Bonfires warm the chilly night air, and rock music comes from a boombox. Some people are dancing, while others are just laughing and talking by the fire. Everyone has drinks in hand and the vibe is cool and relaxed at the same time.

“Come on,” Heather grabs my hand, pulling me to a spot by the biggest bonfire. “Dance with me, Zara.”

Her energy is contagious and before I know it, I’m shaking my booty and drinking something fruity and very alcoholic from one of the solo cups Levin and Chance offer us.

If Mom could see me right now, she’d blow a gasket. Guilt surges all the way up my throat, but I swallow it down.

I hate lying to her, but she leaves me with no choice. If it was up to her, the only places I would be allowed to go would be school and possibly church. She keeps promising me that she isn’t trying to spoil my fun, that she’s just looking out for me. Something about keeping me from making the same mistakes she made when she was my age.

I think everyone should be allowed to learn from experience. Mom regrets her entire relationship with Dad, to the point that she moved us to the other side of the country. She’s determined to give me the stability my father’s lifestyle could never offer me, or so she says. The truth is that she’s sad. When she was with Dad, she was a totally different person; vibrant, fun, alive. It feels like when their relationship ended, a part of her died.

There’s no doubt in my heart that she’s trying to do what she thinks is best for me. I know that with every fiber of my being. Clipping my wings isn’t the way to keep me safe from heartbreak, though. Of course, I don’t want to get hurt like she did, but what’s the alternative? The dull, joyless look in her eyesis scarier than any heartbreak. Scarier than a crash at high speed on a wet track.

I want to live life to the fullest. I want to experience all the highs and lows, the thrill of the unknown. If that comes with some pain, I’m ready to accept it. You have to bleed before you heal. Pain isn’t as scary as being numb.

So I ignore the guilt at the thought that I lied to her and dance my ass off to the music.

Shell Cove is more of a family oriented beach destination. Bridgeport is a party town, and I soak up every ounce of its wild energy.

The beach is wide and flat, the tide is low enough that the water is very far away on the dark horizon.

The party has been set up at the far end, away from all the bars and hotels that dot the boardwalk.

An actual bridge looms over us a few hundred yards away from the bonfires. It looks old, built in stone, with arches that interrupt the thick pillars at regular intervals.

I wonder if the water used to run under those arches, or if it still does when the tide is high enough.

“Zara,” a familiar voice pulls me out of my reveries and I find myself staring into Cal’s dark eyes. “I was hoping I would see you here.”

I stop dancing, crossing my arms over my chest to put as much distance between us as I possibly can. “What do you want, Cal?” I scowl.

“I want to talk to you. You came here with me, you’re my girl. You don’t get to leave me high and dry.”

His tone rubs me the wrong way. “You should have thought about it before you started acting like a psychotic jerk,” I bite out. “I thought you cared about me.” I hate the way my voice breaks at the end.

“Of course I fucking care about you!” he yells, in part to be heard over the music, in part because he’s clearly upset and possibly a little drunk. “Why else would I be so patient with you, huh? I’d have dumped any other girl who didn’t put out after a week. If you think you can break up with me after I’ve been waiting for you to be ready to go all the way for three months?—”

I laugh, but there’s no mirth in it. It’s such a bitter, sad sound that it feels almost foreign. If I didn’t know it just came from me, I wouldn’t recognize my own voice. “So that’s the reason why we can’t break up? Because you’ve been waiting? I’m sorry, Cal, but that’s exactly why I wasn’t ready. There was this constant pressure, it’s like the only reason you wanted to be around me was to have sex.”

He grabs the ends of his shaggy dark hair with both hands, as frustrated as I am. “You’re my fucking girlfriend!” he snaps. “Of course I wanted to fuck you. Why else are people together?”

We’re on completely different wavelengths. I’m glad I realized that before I made a huge mistake. “Because they love each other?” It comes out like a question, but I’m sure about my feelings.

I don’t necessarily need to be head over heels with someone to want to sleep with them, but I want to feel like I could really fall for them. I want to be able to trust them with my heart.

“Come the fuck on, Zara,” Cal scoffs. “How am I supposed to fall for someone I haven’t even fucked? It’s like buying a bike you haven’t even been on.”

I don’t let his mocking tone get to me. I’m not going to let him pressure me into something I don’t want to do. “You’re entitled to your own feelings, Cal. Maybe we want different things.”

He laughs. “If all you want is to make out and hold hands, maybe you should date someone in high school. If you want to play with the grown ups, you need to act like one.”

Cal grabs my forearm, but I shove him off. “Fine. Glad we had this talk,” it’s my turn to mock him. “Word of advice for the future, Cal. Whether you date someone in high school, or someone older, no means no. I feel so stupid, when I think I was gonna sleep with you tonight. Thank you for acting like an asshole before I made that mistake.”

He lunges forward. This time, he grabs both my arms, pulling me to his chest. “You talk a big game, Zara. I don’t believe you. If you really were gonna sleep with me, prove it.”

Before I can say anything, two tall figures flank me. “Get your hands off of her, you fucking piece of shit. Or I’ll finish teaching you the lesson you clearly didn’t learn at the racetrack.”

Chance and Lev are by my side, but it’s Ares who just issued the threat.

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