Page 75 of Make Your Save

Rowan disappears from the kitchen, leaving Lucy and me as he heads out into the garage, taking my suitcases with him. A few minutes later, I finally pull myself from the comfort of his home and walk out to the car. I get Lucy secured in her car seat and tears form alongmy lower lids as I know this is probably the last time I’ll get the chance to do this.

I climb into the passenger seat, glancing at Rowan as he rests his hand on the gear shifter, his eyes slowly searching mine after I secure my seat belt.

“Are you ready?”

No.

“Yes.”

The car ride to the airport is painfully silent outside of the music Rowan has playing. I don’t pay attention to the lyrics, but I notice that he continues to turn it up, almost as if he’s trying to block out the silence that stretches between us.

I want to say something, but I know I can’t. What could I possibly say? There’s no place for my feelings in a situation like this. I fell in love with a man I was never supposed to love. He needed me here to help him settle into life with his daughter.

And now he doesn’t need my help.

There’s no reason for me to stay.

Rowan follows the signs that point to departures, slowing to a stop outside of the doors that lead into the airport. Just beyond the sliding glass is the check-in for the airline I’m flying on and reality is hitting me directly in the center of my sternum.

Emotion wells in my throat and I struggle to swallow it back as Rowan puts the car in park. His knuckles are white as he holds on to the steering wheel,staring straight ahead. I watch him for a moment, unsure of what I’m supposed to do. He slowly uncurls his fingers, his chest deflating as he lets out a deep breath.

He doesn’t look at me, instead letting himself out of the car before walking back to his trunk. I can’t stop the tears that fall from my eyes in rapid succession, although I brush them away in a haste before sucking in a breath. I can do this.

Traveling was something I always wanted to do and this is a great opportunity for me. It’s a job at one of my dream hospitals, working in a field I wanted more experience in.

It just sucks leaving like this.

I’ve grown too attached to Lucy . . . and too attached to Rowan.

I force myself out of the car and meet Rowan along the side where he’s standing with both of my suitcases. His face lacks color and his eyes are distant as he watches me in silence. My feet don’t want to move, but I force them to anyway and I stop in front of him as I adjust my purse on my shoulder.

“I brought this for you to take with you.” He pauses, holding out the vase to me that we made together. “If you want it.”

I stare down at the blue vase, emotion engulfing me as I struggle to dissect what the hell I’m feeling. “Of course I want it,” I whisper, my words barely audible. “I thought maybe you would keep it.”

He shakes his head as I lift my gaze to meet his. “It’s yours.”

It’s not the only thing I want to be mine . . .

“Can I say bye to Lucy?” I ask him, my voice cracking around the words as my eyes search his. I can’t help but wonder if I’m that delusional, that I’m the only one who’s been feeling things between us. I wish he would tell me to stay, I wish he would try to change my mind about leaving.

Anything to show me that he feels this too . . .

“Of course,” he says, his voice hoarse as he lets out a ragged breath. His lips part as if he’s going to say something else, yet he doesn’t. He clamps them shut, rolling them between his teeth before he opens the door to the back seat for me.

Stepping past him, the smell of oakmoss and cedar invades my senses, a cruel assault on my heart. It takes everything in me to ignore it as I step closer to the car, bending down to Lucy. She’s strapped in her car seat, her blue eyes resting on me as I press my hand against her soft cheek.

“Hey, little Lu,” I murmur, my voice catching in my throat as I blink back the tears that well in my eyes. “I know your daddy can be a bit of a pest, but I’m going to need you to be good for him, okay? He’s going to be a little stressed for the next month or two, so try not to give him too much trouble...but don’t make it too easy for him either.”

I smile at her, even though she has no idea what I’m saying. Her little hands reach for me, her mouth opening as she smiles wide at me.

“I love you, sweet girl, and I hope I get to see you soon.”

Lucy smiles at me, a soft cooing sound escaping her, followed by a babbling. I stroke the side of her face once more, knowing I have to tear myself from this moment. Tears blur my vision and I wipe them away before pressing a kiss to her forehead.

I can’t look at her and I can’t look at him.

Ducking my head, I wipe the tears from my face, avoiding eye contact with Rowan like a fucking coward as I grab the handles of my suitcase. “Thank you for driving me here,” I tell him, my voice hushed as I look through the glass doors into the airport.

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