Page 16 of Atlas Uncharted

Ashlen wouldn’t be. She was too self-absorbed. I don’t even think she liked Kairi. Sometimes, when she thought I wasn’t looking, I caught her staring at Kairi with something like envy. I don’t think she liked me either. She loved the idea of me—the heir to my father’s empire, the perfect accessory to her carefully curated life. I almost hated her, but she would probably end up being my wife. That was a sad reality.

I watched Kairi for what felt like hours until I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. I knew it was Ashlen, but I didn’t move. I was wondering about Kairi. Did she care for me too? I knew she wasn’t as indifferent to me as she pretended. I saw the way her body reacted when I was close, but I wanted more than stolen glances and shaky breaths. I wanted confirmation. Proof.

I wanted her to look at me the way I looked at her.

I wanted her to admit it.

I wanted her attention the way she gave it to her books, to the stories she got lost in. I wanted her thoughts, the ones she never said out loud, the ones she kept locked up. I wanted to know what made her tick, what made her laugh when she was alone,what she dreamed about when she wasn’t forcing herself to be practical. She needed to be taken care of.

I wanted all of her, but she refused to let me in.

The only time she really talked to me was when I tricked her—when I picked up one of the books she loved, forcing my way into her world by reading the stories she got lost in. She had me reading books like Their Eyes Were Watching God, then The Parable of the Sower, Baldwin, Morrison. And I liked them.

She’d roll her eyes when I quoted them, but she couldn’t help herself—she talked, debated, argued with me. She hadn’t talked to me since the club incident, though.

She wanted to keep me at a distance, but I knew the truth.

She didn’t hate me.

She wanted to, but she didn’t.

And that was enough to keep me tethered to her. If she came right out and told me to leave her the fuck alone. I might. I wouldn’t.

I still thought about that night three years ago, when she took care of me when I was sick. I stayed up all night, afraid to sleep, knowing I’d probably never get another chance to lie beside her again like that.

I sighed.

She twirled her pen between her fingers, sighing too, before pressing it to her lips in thought.

And fuck, my mind went places it shouldn’t. My dick started to harden. I wanted to taste her so bad. Look her pretty skin all over. I willed myself to look away.

She could never be mine, not really. But that didn’t stop me from wanting her. It didn’t stop the obsession that had taken root inside me, growing stronger every time I saw her.

I wanted her. Badly. But I would not ask her to play second to Ashlen. Kairi wasn’t the type you put on the back burner. She deserved more than that, and I knew it.

I thought about a quote from Giovanni’s Room, the latest book I’d read because of her. Love doesn’t begin and end the way we think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up. I felt like I was stuck in the middle of a war, torn between the life I was supposed to live and the life I wanted. Kairi was my Giovanni, the person who made me question everything I thought I knew about myself. But unlike David, I didn’t have the courage to walk away from the life that had been laid out for me. Maybe this was my war. The fight to keep myself from reaching for someone I had no business wanting.

I felt like I was suffocating without her, though.

I watched her until the sky got darker, then followed her home on foot to make sure she was safe. When we got to her apartment, not wanting to deal with Ashlen, I turned away, retreating. The weight of my longing pressed down on me, heavier than the Florida heat, and I wondered how much longer I could keep walking this tightrope before it broke.

Chapter 9

Kairi

Class was canceled, which was a relief because I needed a break from the endless lectures and last-minute assignments that came with the end of the semester.

I mentally ticked off the things I needed to get done before graduation. I was so lost in my thoughts that I almost missed Mason slipping out of my apartment and heading out the back of the complex. He didn’t see me; he was too focused on making a quick exit. My stomach twisted as I watched him go, a cold unease settling in my chest.

Mason coming out of our apartment didn’t make any sense—at least not the kind I wanted to think about. I stopped in my tracks, my heart racing as I tried to piece together what I’d just seen. I knew Atlas wasn’t here with him; I had just ducked him back on campus.

As soon as I opened the door, the smell hit me—sex, sweat, and something else that made my skin crawl. My eyes landed on Ashlen—sprawled out on the sofa, half-naked, her red hair wild and her eyes low and relaxed as she scrolled through her phone.

“Was that Mason I just saw?” I asked, trying to keep my voice steady.

Ashlen slightly jumped, surprised but composed herself quickly, her eyes narrowing slightly. “Mason? What are you talking about?” she said, fake innocence dripping from her voice as she sat up, grabbing a robe and slipping it on.

I knew what I saw, and the smell of the room was confirmation. But I swallowed down the truth, forcing myself to look away. Whatever Ashlen was doing—or whoever she was doing—wasn’t my business. At least that’s what I tried to tell myself.

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