Page 97 of Savage Desire

He’s gone in the next breath, leaving me to slump further against the wall. Now I silently wish he could compel me. The confidence, the resilience, it’s not easy, but if I want to keep up this lie, I need to pretend.

Offering myself one final big breath, I push off the wall and blend back into the crowd as I make my way to the assembly hall. My eyes zone in on the witches’ section and I spot Bryony straight away with a spare seat beside her. She eyes me with concern as she waves me over, and I try as hard as I can to avoid looking in the wolves’ direction. A cheeky glance at any of the guys could result in me seeing Bianca too, and I’m not ready for that. Not yet.

“Are you okay?” Bryony asks as I take the seat beside her and nod, offering the best smile I can muster. “I was worried when you took off, but Drummond wouldn’t let any of us leave until we had our turn,” she explains, and I force my lips wider as I reply.

“Honestly, I needed the time to myself. Thank you, though,” I breathe just as the room falls quiet and I turn my attention to the front of the hall.

Professor Whitmore stands front and center, hands steepled before him as he looks over the crowded room. “Thank you for gathering before lunch. I will keep this short and sweet so you can all get some food before your next class,” he starts, beaming at everyone. “Most of you will be familiar with this time, but as we have new students from Florentine’s, we feelit is necessary for us to make an announcement.” My stomach twists in confusion as his eyes darken just a touch at the corners. “Tomorrow marks the acknowledgment of the next group of students to be released from the confines of their blood kin curse. Those affected will be called out and summoned to the gathering at noon tomorrow where their blood kin will be revealed, and next steps will be taken.”

My heart thunders in my chest. The room is overwhelmingly quiet apart from him and it only fuels my panic to greater heights. It’s not me, is it? I hope not, but I’m so confused about any information I thought I knew about my birthday since Florentine’s held so much back that I can’t be sure.

Gulping, I listen intently as Professor Whitmore reels off sixteen names, none of which are from Florentine’s, or those that came when I did at least, and I heave a sigh of relief.

“To those unfamiliar, this will happen on a regular basis. Any questions, please let us know,” he states before offering a short wave and exiting the stage.

Bryony scoffs beside me. “What questions are there to ask that they’re actually going to answer?” she mutters, and I hum in agreement even though her complaint leaves me a little confused. My brain can’t take any more, though, so I push it to the back of my mind and rise from my seat with the rest of the students.

I follow the sea of bodies toward the door, and when I step out into the corridor, I hear who I think is Wylder calling my name. I can’t avoid them forever, not that I’m even sure I want to, but when Bryony plants her hand on my arm, I focus on her instead of him.

“I need your help. Can I talk to you before we eat?” she asks, uncertainty warring in her eyes, and it leaves me a little unsettled, but then her fingers tighten and I wince, aware of the bruises beneath her touch. “Sorry. I just… please, Polaris,”she breathes and I nod before she tugs me outside and in the opposite direction of the dining hall.

I hurry to keep up with her, confusion churning in my gut as she finally slows her pace outside. She darts across the perfectly manicured lawn, settling on a large oak tree before taking a seat in the shade it offers.

Pressing my lips together, I do the same, dropping my bag at my feet as I fight back another wince at the pain raking through my body.

“Is everything okay?” I ask through gritted teeth as I gingerly hold my arms against my chest.

She hums, looking off into the distance for a moment before she turns back to me. “It’s not going well.” She doesn’t expand on the fact, but I don’t push, giving her a moment to find whatever it is she’s referring to. “The replacement for my coven I mean.”

I note how she doesn’t address them as The Renegades like usual and a pit forms in my stomach.

“How so?” I ask, already not wanting to know the answer, but she’s my friend. She’s helped me with a lot and I promised myself I would help her too. Even if it makes me uncomfortable because I know where her allegiance lies.

She tucks a loose tendril of hair behind her ear as she continues to look off into the distance before glancing at me again. “Everyone is out of sync in the group without our center. Lucille’s loss is proving hard, more so on others, but it’s leaving all of us disheveled,” she murmurs, making that little pit in my stomach grow.

“I thought you were having meetings with the other sections of your coven,” I offer, and she sighs. It’s all she really mentioned the last time we talked. I haven’t seen her much since then.

“We have, but it’s clear the expectation is for us to find a new center, it’s our only option.”

My muscles clench, bracing for what comes next, and when her eyes lock on mine I know the words she’s going to speak before her lips even part. “I’m asking you to reconsider, Polaris.”

My smile is tight, and I’m unable to hide the rejection from my face. “I’m sorry, Bryony. I can’t.”

“Please, just hear me out, okay, I?—”

“There’s nothing more for me to hear on this matter,” I state, rising to my feet. My body aches from head to toe but I force myself through it. Locking my eyes on hers, I sigh. “I am more than willing to be here for you, as your friend, but what you’re asking, after everything that happened, is too much.”

I hiss as I hoist my bag over my shoulder and she quickly rises to stand with me. She reaches out to grab my arm again, but quickly recoils when I back away. Desperation flashes in her eyes as she bats away the unshed tears.

“I want to be there for you, Bryony, I really do. The last thing I want is to see you like this, but I can’t sacrifice my morals and sanity for yours. I might not have much going for me, but I have that.”

She shakes her head. “I know it was bad, Polaris. I know it was a mess, but the reason behind it is gone now.She’sgone now, and it would help you feel more grounded with your magic too. It’s a win-win all round,” she insists, refusing to let it go.

I take a step back, struggling with the gnawing feeling in my gut. There’s a hint of guilt there, but what overwhelms me the most is the sense of pressure that I don’t want or need.

“I’m aware I’m going to need a coven eventually, Bryony, but it can’t be, and won’t ever be, The Renegades. I don’t want the constant reminder of that night with me forever, and that’s exactly what will happen if I intertwine myself into their fold.”

She nods, more tears tracking down her face. “I’m sorry. I said I would ask. I just… I don’t know what to do. My mind is mush, I’m so out of sorts, nothing feels right, my magic is… Idon’t even know what it is. I’m just lost and my connection to the elements is… wavering.”

---