Page 76 of Luka

I climb out of the car and head to the room Mila texted me about while I was on my way here. Leo’s neighbor heard agunshot, along with screams, and called the police. He didn’t shoot himself, but it’s lucky he didn’t hurt someone above him when he shot the ceiling. He did, however, take enough pills that the police found him seizing and foaming from the mouth. If they hadn’t been called, he’d be dead. And it would have been my fault.

I don’t know if what I’m about to do is the right decision. In fact, it probably isn’t. It’s probably a terrible idea. But I’ve had hours to think it through, and I haven’t figured anything else out.

Slipping past the abandoned nurses station, I find the door to Leo’s room and slide inside. Mila is asleep in the chair next to Leo, her neck kinked and a book opened on her lap. Leo sleeps with his face slightly pinched, like even in his dreams he doesn’t find relief.

I don’t immediately wake either of them up. I stand silently for several moments, my eyes going between the two before finally settling on Mila. It’s interesting to me that she’s here instead of my mother. Interesting but not surprising. Suicide is weak. My mother will coddle Leo in her home, but she wouldn’t be caught dead with a son like this out in public. She wouldn’t have condoned him going to the hospital.

But Mila… She’s loyal to a fault. It must be her biggest weakness, being loyal to all the wrong people. Being loyal tome.

Her eyes blink open, and she slowly raises her head as she awakens, a small smile coming over her lips when she registers me. She gives me a wave before patting the chair next to her. I wonder if Vitaly occupied it at some point. I can’t think of anyone else who would care enough to come here.

My hands tuck into my pockets as I cross the room and take the seat next to Mila.

“Hey,” she whispers. “I’m glad you’re here.”

I nod at Leo. “How’s he doin’?”

I don’t look at Mila, but I can hear the frown in her voice when she speaks. “Not good… They’re sending him up to the psych ward today.”

I nod. “That’s probably for the best.”

“Yeah… Mama is furious. I wouldn’t be surprised if she disowned him after this.”

“That’s probably for the best too.”

Mila is quiet for several moments, and I think it’s because she agrees with me. But then, “It’s easy for you because you don’t care what anyone thinks. You’ve never cared about Mama’s or Papa’s approval… It’s different for me and Leo.”

I let that rest for a minute, my hand rubbing across my jaw. My first emotion is disgust. Because I find it pathetic how much she cares. How needy she is. Her entire life, our family has revolved around her and what she can accomplish, andmy god, she never tires of having her back patted.

But my second emotion is shame. Because it isn’t her I’m angry at. It’s never been her.

“I would make a fool of myself trying to earn their approval,” I start. “They put faith in one child, and that child wasn’t me. They made that clear very early on.”

Mila sighs. “They moved us here so our entire family could be elevated.”

I turn to face her, letting my hand rest in my lap. “I’m happy things worked out for you, Mi. I really am. And I feel sorry for all the shit they put you through… But I was seventeen when they moved us here. In Russia, things looked promising for me. I was working beneath a top lieutenant. I’ll never know what that could’ve turned into, but our parents had more faith in their thirteen-year-old daughter’s vagina getting them what they wanted than they had in me. I think that’s fucked up. What I can’t understand is how youdon’tthink that’s fucked up. I don’t understand how you’re not angry.”

She looks down at her lap and picks at her black-painted nails. “Is that why you’ve always hated me?”

“Because you aren’t angry?”

She stares at me point blank with the signature Alekseev cold expression. Except, with Mila, I know it’s a defense mechanism. It means she’s feeling too much.

“No,” she says. “Because you think they loved me more than you.”

I go to belt out a laugh, but I can’t find any oxygen in my lungs. I settle for facing forward, stretching my legs on the white tile.

“I don’tfeelloved,” Mila says, a tiny bit of emotion breaking through. “I mean, Jesus. Papa would’ve had me executed for my relationship with Vitaly, and you know that. Mama would’ve supported him. And Leo… I don’t think Leo has the capacity to love right now. Or ever has, I guess.”

I still don’t look at her, but she continues.

“I had really hoped that with you being at the mansion, we could’ve gotten closer these last few months… I’m sorry I made you a guard. I realize now how insulting that was. I just wanted you around… I want to know you, Luka, and I want you to know me.”

My chest feels tighter with every word Mila speaks until I regret the conversation altogether.

She wanted to be around me. She wanted to becloseto me.

I thought all she wanted was to humiliate me. To ensure I knew she was queen, as if I needed to see it to fully comprehend the magnitude of her power.

---