Page 74 of Please, Sir

“I’d… like to talk, too.”

I put my arm around her shoulder, savoring the way she lets me keep it there as we leave the gym and head toward the ambulance.

CHAPTER

TWENTY-NINE

As soon aswe’re back home, I offer Riley some sweats and another Turner Saddlery t-shirt. Her clothes have mascara andhimall over them, and I can tell she wants out of them. Jo Jo guides her into her bathroom, offering her an array of face washes and hair clips so she can wash her makeup off, take a breath and feel a little better. With those two safe and occupied for a few moments, I use the time to ice my fist.

I know Jo Jo is still feeling hurt and betrayed,and I’m so proud of her for being there for Riley today, despite how she feels. These last few months, our relationship has been so strained, and everyone was quick to blame the teen years. But my thoughtful, sweet girl is still herself in times like these—I can see that now, and it tells me all I need to know: it’s more than teenage angst. It’s a rift between us. One I plan to repair today. No more living the way we’ve been.

I need my girl back.

Hudson’s advice washes through me. The best way to connect with Jolene is talk to her like a young adult, instead of hiding things from her like she’s a child who is incapable of understanding. There’s a lot she can’t understand about the way Riley and I are together, but the foundations of it all– companionship and love– she’s well within her limits of understanding… as long as we give her the chance.

While Jo Jo and Riley are in Jo Jo’s room, I fill a pot with water and place it on the stove, starting the burner. Digging out a box of pasta and a container of my homemade sauce from the freezer, I turn on the oven for garlic bread. A few minutes later, noodles are cooking, bread is heating, and sauce is simmering, just as Riley comes out with Jo Jo, the two of them whispering as they move down the hall together. Jo Jo seems to be raising Riley’s spirits after everything that happened this afternoon, and it makes my chest twist with emotion.

Jo Jo pulls a chair back for Riley, then for herself, and the three of us sit. I pour them each a glass of water, and face my daughter. Her dark hair is straight, down around her shoulders, framing her face so beautifully. She has my eyes, but the shape reminds me of Janie. So much of her does. I smile. “Jolene, I’m sorry that I didn’t talk to you about things growing between myself and Miss Riley.” I make sure not to look around the room, down at my water glass, or anywherebut her eyes, just the way Dr. Tanner instructed. “The truth is, I wasn’t sure what was really happening with us, because adult relationships are layered and complex. One date doesn’t equate to a wedding ring, and I told myself all my life I would never introduce you to a woman that wasn’t meant to be my next wife.” I glance over at Riley, finding her gaze fixed on me. Beneath the table she bumps her knee into mine, and that tiny gesture of support makes my chest burn with passion for her. I level my gaze back on my daughter, who is quiet and listening–two things I haven’t witnessed from her in the past year.

“But the truth is, Jo Jo, you’re old enough now to understand that relationships between two adults are complicated. And instead of trying to hide things with Miss Riley, I should’ve just told you. I just didn’t know how to broach the topic when I believed you pretty much hated my guts.”

“I don’t hate you, dad,” Jo Jo sighs, her voice quiet as she plays with the cuffs of her sweatshirt sleeves.

“I know you don’t actually hate me, Jo, but let’s put it on the line right now, okay? Conversations with you haven't exactly been approachable or easy. And I should have just told you and dealt with your reaction, because that’s what a good parent does. I failed you, and Riley, too, by not telling you right away that I liked her.”

Jo Jo, still looking at her hands as she fidgets, says, “I’m sorry I’ve been so mean to you, dad. You don’t deserve it.”

Riley pushes back from the table as quietly as she can, tiptoeing toward the hall. “Going to give you guys a minute,” she says. As much as I want us to work it all out together, I realize Jo Jo and I have things to tackle– just me and her—father and daughter. I want her to understand that I’ll always be here for her, no matter what.

“Jolene, Miss Riley is the first woman since your mom thatI’ve cared about. And because I knew she meant so much to you, it scared me,” I admit, scratching the back of my neck. “I didn’t want to mess it up with Miss Riley, and have your relationship change.”

“I don’t think that would have happened,” Jo Jo says, adding, “She tried being friendly with me this week, even though I could tell she felt like total shit. It was me, I was the one who was a jerk to her.”

“Were you a jerk to her because you don’t want the two of us together or were you a jerk because you were hurt to find out the way you did?” My cheeks flame at the memory of my daughter walking in on me about to whip Miss Riley.

She tucks hair behind her ears. “I’ve always wished you would get remarried. I want you to have that. I want it, too. A step mom. And Dad, I love Miss Riley.” She finally meets my gaze, and my heart nearly bursts at the clarity shining in her eyes. “I was hurt that it was a secret behind my back, when I had told Miss Rileyeverything.”

I reach for her hand, and she lets me take it. “I’m sorry about that, Jo Jo. I am. And I can promise you that Miss Riley has never shared any of your secrets with me. Not a single one of them. She’s loyal to you, Jolene.”

She nods, looking at our joined hands. “You know the reason why I wanted to do cheerleading in the first place?”

Something ignites in the back of my brain, alerting me to a handful of memories. Miss Riley encouraged me to ask Jo Jo why she wanted to cheer a few times, and with everything going on, I failed to ask. Something in my gut tightens, and a knot of emotion swells in my throat. “No,” I tell her, “but Riley told me I ought to ask you. Multiple times, in fact. And I wish now that I had.”

A tear slips through Jo Jo’s lashes, but she uses the heel of her sweatshirt-covered palm to wipe it away. “I found apicture of mom. It fell out of one of your old yearbooks. I was looking for my grade school yearbook in the hutch, and I found your yearbook. Anyway, I found a photo of her from when she went to Bluebell High.” Her eyes glisten as they idle with mine. “She was in a cheerleading uniform.”

My chest tightens and the air in my lungs rushes out, leaving me slightly lightheaded. “She was a cheerleader,” I confirm, “for two years, yes.”

“You never told me that,” Jo Jo says. Tracing the wood grain of the table top with one of her painted white fingernails, she says, “you never talk about her at all.”

My heart plummets and my ears ring. “After she passed, I thought the less I talked about her, the quicker you’d move past the sad stage. Dr. Tanner recommended giving you a small period of time to grieve but to reintroduce mom and her memory into conversation.” I shake my head, my eyes growing hot. “It was too hard for me. I kept telling myself, tomorrow I’ll feel better. Tomorrow I’ll be less sad. Tomorrow I’ll talk about Janie. But every tomorrow never felt right, and my heart hurt for so long that by the time I felt ready, I don’t know, it just seemed like you’d be better off.”

“I understand why you didn’t talk about her much. I just… I went through these spells of really missing her, and I struggled to remember details about her. That’s when I started getting out old photo albums.” Her lips lift on one side, a peace offering.

“I’m sorry, Jo Jo. I never meant to make you feel like we couldn’t talk about her, and I certainly never wanted her erased from your mind or heart.”

She squeezes my hand. “Mom is always going to be in my heart. I was just… missing that mother-daughter connection.”

I nod, understanding her much better. “Are you okay, JoJo? I mean, I get now why you wanted to do cheerleading, but I just want to make sure that you’re okay.”

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