Page 68 of Jersey

"I deserve more," I whisper, reaching for the doorknob.

"I know you do," he quickly agrees. "It can't come from me."

I swipe at a single tear, hating that I look so weak in front of him.

I open the door, swallowing down a sob, and bolt from the room.

He doesn't bother to follow me back to the room I've been given, and I don't know why I thought he would even try.

Chapter 28

Jersey

Fire bites at my skin, my back taking the brunt of the flames, but even though I throw all of my weight against the door, I can't get it open. My fists hit the wood until my hands feel like jelly, as if I pounded until the bones turned to liquid.

In a moment of clarity, instead of shoving against the door, I pull, a wave of relief washing over me when it opens.

Horror fills every cell in my body when it's as if I'm no longer in the middle of the fire but watching myself from some far corner of the room.

Instead of running toward the boys' bedroom to save them, I turn left, opening another door that I've never noticed before. Barking meets my ears, but I don't hesitate to move further into the room, my blood freezing in my veins when I see Caitlyn's lifeless stare.

Strapped to the St. Andrews cross, her head hangs limply between her splayed arms, no life left in her pretty gaze.

Glass and other debris dig into my knees when I collapse onto the floor, my hands splayed on her thighs. She's already so cold, despite the flames licking up the walls in the room.

"She deserved better."

I spin to face the voice, anger swimming inside of me at the sight of Eden standing only a few feet away. The cigarette in her mouth doesn't even move when she speaks.

"But that's just what you do, isn't it, Roman? You feed a woman's addiction until she can't live without you. It doesn't matter what they give you. It's never enough. You didn't even bother to find your boys tonight. You ran to her instead, knowing she would still be alive if you were a better man. We would all still be alive if you were a better man!"

Flames engulf my wife, but it doesn't stop the sinister sound of her voice from echoing all around me.

I wake with a start, my skin covered in sweat. I've had some form of this dream enough to know that there's no sense in checking my skin for wounds despite feeling the burn of fire all over my body.

I don't waste a second in bed wishing the nightmare didn't happen. It gives it too much life, and I've spent years dwelling on my past.

I climb out of bed, ignoring the aches in my bones from no doubt tossing and turning all night as I head to the shower.

I don't bother to wait for it to warm, feeling as if the blast of frigid water is just one other way for me to punish myself for my shortcomings in life.

After I dry off and dress, my clothes feel scratchy on my skin as if the fire that licked at me in my nightmare had actually left injuries behind. It puts me on edge, my attitude in the fucking gutter when I leave my room for the day.

Maybe a long ride on my bike will set things right in my life, but I know as I glance at her closed bedroom door that my life hasn't been right for a very long time. I can't blame her. I'm responsible for my own actions, but it seems like my entire existence is making the wrong choices over and over again. That it doesn't matter what I choose, fate will find a way to fuck me over for it.

"Conference room," Jericho snaps as I pass by him, heading toward the kitchen.

I could argue, tell the man he isn't my fucking boss and grab a cup of coffee like I intended to do, but causing more problems than I already have in this house doesn't seem like the best idea.

When I step into the conference room, it appears that everyone was waiting for me to join them, and it makes me feel like a complete asshole for holding everyone up even though I had no idea I was needed down there.

"Morning," I say as I grab my chair, pulling it out from the table before sitting down.

The others grumble a greeting. Well, all except Nyx, who seems like he might've had a worse night than I had.

"We know that the man outside of Dr. Rudd's house the other night wasn't Scott Wilson," Casper says as soon as Jericho pulls the door closed.

The man doesn't seem to have ill feelings about not being one of the ones to take Adair down, and it sort of makes me wish my life were different. I had vowed to love Eden for eternity. Despite that passionate flame we shared dwindling rapidly after we got married, the woman gave me two beautiful little boys, and I knew I was going to always be grateful to her for that.

---