Page 6 of Jersey

I've been away on another job, and this first day back reminds me why I requested a job that put a little distance between this house and myself.

I don't dislike kids. I think they're great. But interactions with them always hit me square in the chest, and it's more than a little difficult to hide the pain this little boy causes me.

"I could help," Nyx offers, but just the sound of his voice makes Eli jolt.

Nyx is a mean-looking motherfucker. He always seems to be in a terrible mood, and I rarely see the guy smile. When he does, it's more of a sneer.

"Umm," Eli mutters, his eyes darting around the room as if he's looking for a way to escape.

"Actually, you can't," Hemlock says as he stands from the dining room table to take his dirty dishes to the sink. "I have a job for you."

Eli looks relieved, but when he gives Nyx a soft smile, it's clear just how great of a child he really is.

"Maybe next time," the child offers the man.

"You got it," Nyx tells him as he pours his coffee out in the sink, giving the boy a quick, genuine smile.

"His muscles are bigger than mine," I say as I lean in to talk to Eli.

Eli looks around once again, from the looks of it, making sure Nyx won't be able to hear him. "He scares me."

I nod in agreement. "Good thing he's on our team, huh? Sometimes a big scary guy can come in handy."

Eli sits up straight again, and I can see his brain working with the consideration. "Good thing."

The child has been through so much in his very short life, and I can only imagine the work it takes to trust people now that he's safe.

I know that Jericho has assured him he's safe here, but the more people who remind him and prove it through their actions, the safer he's going to feel.

"Hey," Jericho says, his eyes landing on his son.

My heart clenches at the love in the guy's eyes for the child, and it's a feeling I remember all too well.

"Did you find us some help?"

Eli points to me. "He's got big muscles."

"Bigger than his," I whisper, throwing a thumb in Jericho's direction.

Eli giggles like only a seven-year-old child can do, head thrown back, all of his teeth showing.

"You don't have plans?" Jericho asks.

I shake my head. "No place I'd rather be."

It's not exactly the truth, but what I want is impossible to get. Hanging out with Eli will somehow be a balm to my soul as well as one of the more painful things I could choose.

I'm not the first person to lose someone who I loved, and I know I won't be the last, but some days are worse than others. Eli caught me on a better day, but honestly, I don't know if I could've told him no, even if it was a horrible day.

I don't know that I could live with seeing the disappointment in his eyes, not after already failing so many people I was tasked to keep safe. Letting others down might be exactly what it would take to send me off the deep end.

"I'm ready when you are," Jericho says, heading toward the coffee pot. "We have an hour and a half before your friend comes."

I know that “friend” is code for his therapist. Jericho mentioned that Eli has been seeing someone since he was rescued several weeks ago.

"Since you have the big muscles," Jericho says to me with a devious grin. "Grab that box at the bottom of the stairs and carry it up to Eli's room for us."

"Am I the pack mule around here?" I ask as I stand and carry my coffee cup to the sink, but I leave the room with a grin on my face, wondering how long I can keep up the act that nothing in the world is bothering me.

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