Page 90 of Degrading Her

“Your sister,” I said.

Her shoulders relaxed, and for the first time in a while, a small smile crossed her lips. That confirmed it for me; I knew what she needed. Even when she didn’t.

By the time we made it back to the farm, she had finished her bottle of water and was sitting up fairly straight. Maisie met us in front of the house, Wilder looming behind her, making sure nothing got near her. I hadn’t understood his need to be around his wife before, but now I understood it.

“What the hell?” Maisie asked. “How did you?—”

Fiona threw her arms around Maisie, and the two sisters hugged each other, not letting go. Finally, after they had exchanged embraces, Fiona pulled back.

“I can see why you didn’t tell me about your husband,” Fiona said. Wilder acknowledged her statement with a dip of his chin, and Maisie laughed.

“At least I got to work up to that moment where I learned he was a killer. Not you.” Maisie shook her head. “It was sprung on you. That’s pretty intense.”

Fiona glanced over her shoulder at me. “Very intense,” she said.

I rubbed my forehead, and Fiona turned back to hersister. The two of them went inside of the house and I called one of our clients, a private doctor who worked off the clock for us. He checked me over quickly, urging me to rest and let him take x-rays, but I ushered him to Fiona; she was the one he needed to worry about. And once he said she needed to let the drug work out of her system and let her bruised face heal, I relaxed.

When Fiona came out to the front room, I gestured toward the pastures. Erica’s body was already in the Dairy Barn, but we still needed to destroy it.

“You want to come with me to put the corpse in the incinerator?” I asked.

She wrinkled her nose. “No way.”

I nodded, then walked there by myself. Slid the door open. My heart pounded, knowing that this would be over soon. Fiona would be gone. And for what? The Feldman Farm didn’t matter to me.

Not unless I had her.

I picked the corpse up in both arms, then shoved the body inside, shutting the door before I switched on the machine.

A hand slid around my back.

Fiona lifted her shoulders. “I changed my mind,” she said, her voice reluctant.

I stared at her for a moment, my heart heavy, but hopeful. This was why I had hated her. These things she could make me feel. Like love. And hope.

It was also why I loved her.

“Sometimes it’s better to watch them disappear,” I said.

“Did you watch your father burn?”

I stretched my fingers. “I put the bullet in his chest. I didn’t need to.”

It would take hours before the corpse was reduced tobone fragments. But the machine hummed, and the two of us stood there. My hand twitched, wanting to hold hers. I didn’t know why Fiona was there, but I had to say something to make it right. Trading my life for hers wasn’t enough for what I had done.

“There’s no other way to say this.” I held my forehead. “I messed up. I hurt you. And I guess”—I threw up my hands—“I thought that was what I wanted. To show you that you weren’t invincible. That none of us were. That you could be just as vulnerable as I was, even if you lived this protected, normal life.” I locked eyes with her. “But that didn’t feel good. I hated seeing you like that.”

She glared at me. “You were a dick.”

She was right. “I’m sorry.”

“I can forgive you, but I don’t know if I can forget what you did.” I let out a long breath, bracing myself. How could anyone forgive someone like me? “You’re a killer, but I am too.” With those words, her whole body quivered. “But I couldn’t let her do that to you. I don’t know if I’ll ever understand your family’s business.” She shook her head, her forehead scrunched. “But maybe I don’t have to. Maybe I just need to trust you.” She sighed deeply. “But you almost let me kill myself or killyou,Sawyer, so I don’t know if I can trust you.”

Those words sunk into me. How could I expect her to feel any differently? Her distrust of me was well-deserved.

She reached for my hand, a warmth surging through my arm, straight to my heart.

“But I want to try,” she said. “We were both being stubborn.” She tilted her head. “Maybe one of us was more stubborn than the other, but sometimes we don’t know what we’re doing until we’re already halfway through it. Trust me, I know.”

---