Page 70 of Degrading Her

Once again, Fiona had stopped me. It wasn’t about simply getting what she wanted, but actually proving herself. Her arched nose. Those pouty lips. For once, she had worn dark lipstick, similar to what her sister wore. Was she feeling insecure? Wanting to hide behind a mask?

“Winning the game with me shows that you’re persistent,” I said. “That when you want something, you go after it. And that sort of ambition is crucial to management.” I tilted my head. “I have faith in you.”

Her forehead furrowed in question, and it was the exact same with me. I didn’t understand myself anymore. Did I want her to fail?No.Did I want to ruin her perfect image of herself so that she understood that the worldwasn’ther oyster? That even good girls like her had to suffer? In a way,yes.Because no one had a perfect life, and she needed to understand that. It was the only way she could find her strength and overcome her weaknesses.

Perhaps that’s whatIneeded to do too. To understand that Fiona wasmyweakness, that she saw me for who I was.And that I needed to find my strength to overcome her. To show her that I was in control.

But I wanted to protect her and nurture her, too.

“It’s not always up to you,” I said. “You either have luck on your side, or you don’t.”

I pulled one of the dice from my pocket. Her eyes widened at it, like she finally recognized me from her past. It was a rare one. Red for blood, silver for weapons.

But she didn’t say a word.

“Whenever we roll, it’s a fifty-fifty chance. Even or odd.”

“Okay. Odd.”

I shook the dice in my hand, then let it bounce to a stop on the wooden table. Three silver dots gleamed at her.

“Again,” I said.

“Odd.”

This time, I rolled a two.

“Let me roll this time,” she said. I handed her the dice, and she shook it in her hand. “What’s your guess?”

“This isn’t my game. It’s yours.”

“Odd.” She held her breath, then rolled the dice: four little dots. The corners of her mouth sunk down.

“You can’t control everything,” I said. Though I didn’t know if I was saying that to her, or to myself. I couldn’t control my feelings for Fiona, nor could I control what she would do. She had proved that to me. “Even if you’re the one rolling the dice, that doesn’t mean you can tell it what side to land on. Shit happens.” That was how it had been with her little sister and my mother. No matter how hard we tried, we couldn’t bring them back.

“But why?” she asked. “Why leave it up to chance when at least you can make sure that you do everything possible to make sure it works in your favor?”

“Because sometimes even that isn’t enough.”

Her face softened like she could read right through me, seeing the pain inside of me of what I had lost too. But my phone buzzed, interrupting the moment;Wilderflashed on the screen. I answered, not bothering to give myself privacy anymore. If she hadn’t seen the video yet, she would see it soon, and whatever we had together would be over.

“Yeah?” I said.

“We found Roth.”

“Where?”

“Hiding in Lakeville,” he said. “Looks like an old relative’s cabin.”

Lakeville was about a fifty-minute drive from where we were in the restaurant, but we could make it there sooner if necessary. “Send me the coordinates.”

The buttons clicked on his phone. “Done.”

“Be there soon.”

I threw a couple hundred on the table, then pulled Fiona with me, guiding her by the arm, ignoring her questions about where we were going.

Lakeville was a woodsy community outside of Pierce, filled with plenty of lakes and waterfront cabins. I pulled up to the lake closest to the coordinate. The dark surface of the water reflected the moon, and across the lake, there was one cabin with a light on.

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