Page 41 of Drowning Her

“You have a choice, son,” Forrest said. The gun was heavier than I expected. I had held them before, had shot them, but never at a person. “You can uphold the family law.”

Did he mean to kill Mom?

I shook my head. “Dad, I?—”

He jerked the gun at me, willing me to take it. “I’m yourfather,” he boomed, “and you will treat me with respect.” Sawyer latched onto me again. Instantly, that fear surged through me. Never knowing when Forrest would strike next. But I had learned not to feel it anymore. To ignore those reactions. To make it seem like none of it was there.

“She will either drown, or you will put a bullet in her head. Either way, shewilldie.”

Panic squeezed my throat shut. He took my hand, closing it around the gun.

“Kill her, Wilder,” he ordered.

It was the first time he was letting me do this. Making me kill someone.

If I didn’t do it, would he kill me too?

Would it be merciful to shoot her instead? A quicker death?

What could I do?

Forrest raised his fists. “Kill her, you fucking pussy!”

Close your eyes,she had said.

I shut my eyes and pulled the trigger.

The sound was gentler than I expected. Sawyer didn’t even flinch. My breathing stopped. I opened my eyes. Blood pooled from the wound at the back of her head, muddying the ground like a dark cake.

Forrest let out a sigh, wiping his face on his arm. I dropped the gun.

My father had been married to my mother for ten years. He had made me kill her. Made my brother watch.

Was that love? Or was that death?

“Go back to the farm, Sawyer,” Forrest said. I looked up at my father, but his eyes were on Sawyer. My pulse raced inmy chest. He was making me stay. I knew what that meant. “Go on,” Forrest said. “Hurry now.”

Sawyer turned to me. I nodded. There wasn’t anything Sawyer could do to help me; we both knew it. I wanted him to go. To run.Now.And he did. My fingers twitched at my sides. My eyes fell down to the grass. I saw the gun lying on the ground in front of me. I reached for it. I could take Forrest down. Make him pay. But as my fingers skimmed the metal, Forrest grabbed my shoulders, pushing me into the pond. Mud oozed into my nostrils. Water in my mouth.

“She chose money over me. Sawyer over you,” Forrest said, his words even.

I couldn’t breathe. I pushed back, did everything I could, everything he had taught me to survive, but the bank was slippery and I fell onto my face. Again. Again. He was too big. I coughed and fought, blood pounding in my ears. My throat burned. My mother’s body was a few feet away.

“Your only choice is to kill, or die,” he said, tightening his grip on my shoulders, shoving me into the muddy pond water. I pushed back, willing myself to be stronger, to not be the child he thought I was. Iwasstronger. And one day, I would be stronger than him. All I had to do was try. And I had to do it. Had to beat him.

But it was no use. Everything tunneled, my heartbeat slowing.

Forrest let go, and I pushed myself up, choking on dirt and water. I leaned on my palms as I coughed up water and dirt, getting everything out. Forrest paced to the side of me, then kicked Mom’s body.

“Love. Family. Truth. Fuck it all,” he said. I held my chest, and Forrest picked up the gun, stowing it in his holster. His eyes darkened. His face was wet, caked with splatters of mud, as if he had been drowned too. But hehadn’t struggled for his life. He hadn’t even taken my mother’s life.

I had.

He cracked his neck, then looked down at me.

“Kill or die,” Forrest said. “There is no other option.”

Chapter 15

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