Page 40 of Drowning Her

Me? I was like my father. Strong and independent.

The three of us walked out of the main house and through the property. None of the ranchers or hunters were on site that day, and it was empty. No cattle to work on. No orders in the Dairy Barn. A wind chime off of the main house clanged with the wind, a decoration Mom had put there.

Where was she?

We headed through the pastures, walking for once. A sinking sensation swelled in my stomach the farther we walked. Why hadn’t we taken the side-by-side UTV? It’s like my father was procrastinating. The cattle lowed to the sides of us, a mother cow standing in the trees to the side, her calf lying in the grass. She bawled, a deep moan full of remorse. As we passed her, my father scoffed. He kept walking.

The calf’s neck was torn. Coyotes.

“Realize this,” Forrest said, his voice calm, his gait steady as we continued walking. “The only thing in our lives that’s guaranteed to any of us is death. We’re no different from that calf.” He motioned behind us. “Nothing in life is certain. Not love. Not family. Only death. It’s the only power that’s worth anything.” He stopped at a patch of dirt, then kneeled down, facing us, his hands on our shoulders. “It’s why murder is our family’s business. There will always be a need to eliminate others. There’s no reason to feel guilty about that. We’re simply expediting nature. Killing is where our power lies. It’s in our nature.”

His blue-gray eyes inspected each of us, making sure that we understood. I nodded. Sawyer glanced at me, then nodded too. We continued walking.

“No matter who you are,” Forrest said, “no matter who it is on the other side of that gun, death is the only answer.”

My muscles twitched, my stomach twisting into knots. I had this gut feeling that he was saying it to me. To ask mewhyI hadn’t shot her, why I had let her shoot me instead. And I couldn’t answer that. Why hadn’t I shot my mother?

This wasn’t like my father. He usually made sure I wouldn’t forget my mistakes. Why wasn’t he doing anything to me? Had I disappointed him? Had I disappointed Mom?

The pond reflected the sun in a blinding light. A woman kneeled at the edge, a canvas hood covering her face, her hands cuffed behind her back.

“Dad,” I said, my voice quivering. I never called him that. But right then, I had to. He yanked off the hood, revealing our mother.

“She stole from our family’s business,” Forrest said. Sawyer whimpered. I wanted to kick him, to tell him to shutup. He was embarrassing himself and me. “She shotyou,son. She. Shot. You,” he said, punctuating each word like he could barely comprehend the situation himself. “She chose her other son over you. And you’re not going to let her get away with that.”

The image of her flashed in my mind. Her scared eyes. “Dad?—”

Forrest grabbed her by the neck and shoulders, bringing her to the edge of the water. She screamed, muffled by the gag. Sawyer grabbed my side, hiding his face in his arms. And I was stuck in place. I had seen my father kill before. And I knew what was going to happen. Knew what Forrest would do if I tried to stop him.

How could I save her?

Could I save her?

Forrest held her face inches above the water.

“Say goodbye to everything you love,” he said, his voice trembling. Who was he saying it to? To Mom? To me? To himself? He shoved her into the water, and though Mom threw herself against him, trying to escape, it was no use. Dad was too big, and nothing she did was enough. Those seconds stretched on, ticking by, making my heart rate increase. I had watched him do it before. It was part of training. To understand what it took to be a hunter, and eventually, a rancher. Sweat coated Forrest’s face, his knees drenched in the pond water. But she pushed back, throwing him off. Gasped for air. He settled on her back, pushing her with all of his might. They had been married for years. It had never taken him this long to drown someone before.

What could I do?

Finally, her body relaxed. Forrest immediately got off of her. Shock pulsed through me. He usually stressed theimportance of making sure that the facestayedin the water until ten minutes had passed, to guarantee their end. But he wasn’t doing that right now.

Forrest pulled Sawyer from my side, making him look at the back of Mom’s head, her face caked in mud, her body buried in the water and dirt. But she wasn’t dead yet. She was only unconscious. There was still time. I could save her.

But how?

I stepped forward, and Forrest’s frenzied eyes met mine, wet streams trailing down his face. A subtle shake of his head told me not to go any farther. I stilled, but I had to defend my mother.

“It’s just money,” I said. “You said it yourself. Death is?—”

“It’s about loyalty,” Forrest growled. “She disobeyed me. Went behind my back. Stole from our business. When I had saved her.”

“But death should be the only thing we value.”

Forrest punched me, knocking me to the ground. “You don’t disrespect me, boy,” he said. “I vouched for your mother. Told your granddad that she was more valuable alive than dead. And she proved me wrong. And now I’ve got to take care of him too.” My head spun. I blinked. He stared down at me. “Get up.”

I didn’t move. He stomped a foot down into my shin, and I wailed, the pain blinding. “I said to get the fuck up.”

I shoved myself up. He handed me a gun. Blue engravings swirled like ocean waves around the grip. Bright blue, like the hottest part of a fire.

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