Page 96 of Verses Of Us

The hours passed by at a snail’s pace, and she never stopped questioning herself.

From the day they’d first met, there had always been a line drawn between them that kept them from being together completely. When she was younger, she’d despised that boundary, but at least now she knew its purpose—it was the chasm between the two distinct worlds they lived in. The separation between his world she could never fully belong in and the safer one she had built.

No matter what Ciarán said, no matter the passion and stimulation he provided, he could never provide her with the commitment and security she needed. Just like she could never be enough for a man who’d been around the world several times.

A flight attendant appeared at her side, pushing a drink trolley.

“Vodka, please.” The alcohol would play tricks on her and she knew it would hit her hard once she landed, but she didn’t care anymore. She’d risk it if only to stop her mind from obsessing over Ciarán.

But of course, the vodka did fuck all. Even once she’d downed her second, her stomach continued flipping over and her head throbbed even harder, but her eyes remained wide open and her heart kept splitting.

Jet-lagged and too drunk, bile climbed her throat as Alexis left the airport in a cab and made her way home. Her thoughts were a muddled mess, and she expected the worst of hangovers.

In a numb daze, she stumbled into her house, dropping her bags onto the floor, and looked around as if she’d walked in to a stranger’s home. Cold and unfamiliar, everything struck her as wrong, as if she didn’t belong.

A loud sob erupted from her mouth, and she allowed herself to break. Her body ached and her mouth was bone-dry, as if the Atlantic had been an arid desert she’d crossed.

Finding her bed, she tucked her knees into her chest, but it only added to the pain and did nothing to block the stabbing beneath her ribs. Tears poured down her cheeks, wretched cries ripped from her throat until the wanted darkness of sleep—or at least, something resembling sleep—took over. She welcomed the void like a long-lost friend, letting it wrap around her, consuming her whole.

BROTHER & SISTERS

Ciarán

ThealarmsystemnotifiedCiarán that someone had walked in the front door.

Only two people had the key. One of which was Rajesh, the other Saoirse. He made no attempt to even get up from the sofa to go check.

“Jesus, Ciarán,” his sister whined, stepping into the living room, grimacing. “What the hell’s wrong wit’ you?”

He didn’t lift his head, but kept his focus on the fireplace, lost in its flames. Saoirse walked over, kicking the carryout boxes from her path, then tossed the blanket off before taking a seat beside him on the sofa. Her assessing hazel eyes took in the messed-up hair, the week-long beard, the dark circles under his eyes, but he didn’t care. The last person he’d worry about his appearance with was his sister.

“What’s going on?” She touched his arm affectionately.

He shrugged off her touch. “What, can’t a man wallow in his pain and misery?”

“Sure, he can, but when he starts to smell, it becomes a problem.” She got up and picked up the containers and the candy wrappers on the coffee table, throwing them into a nearby plastic bag. “Why don’t you go shower? I’ll make us some tea and…” She glanced out the window. The sun was bright and shining over the fields. “We’ll go out for a chat.”

He rubbed his eyes. “Sisi, I love you, but can you kindly fuck off?”

“Oi, watch your mouth. I’m here because you asked me to come.”

He looked up at her and frowned. “I never invited you here.”

“You takin’ the piss?” She slammed her hands on her hips. “You called me.”

With a pinched brow, he stared at her, piecing together the blurred and scattered fragments of the last few days.

“You don’t remember?” she asked, her tone switching from frustrated to concerned.

“Sorry, I’m fucking knackered. I haven’t been sleeping much.”Or at all, he wanted to add, and rubbed his face a few times.

“Seriously, what’s goin’ on with you?” She sat back down, dropping the garbage bag and rubbed his shoulder the way their mam used to. “This isn’t like you.”

“She’s gone.”

“Alexis?” Hearing her name made him cringe. “When?”

“A few days ago, I guess.” He glanced up at his sister, his brain drawing a blank. “I have no idea what day we are.”

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