Page 53 of Verses Of Us

“That and… Laurel.” She raised an eyebrow, steadying the nervous flutter in her stomach.

“That was…” He stopped, his eyes darting away and a muscle in his jaw clenched. “I could have handled it better.”

“True, but that’s not an answer.”

“No, it’s not.” He shoved his tongue into the side of his mouth. She could see she was getting under his skin. “I fucked up, Lex. And I’m sorry for that, but…” He turned onto his side and smiled. “It’s not why I didn’t sleep with you. You deserved better than me.”

“That’s interesting.”

“What, that I actually kept my greedy cock in check?”

“You’re a pig,” she said, shoving his shoulder with a laugh. “No, that you think you weren’t worthy of me.”

“Ah, well…” He tapped his temple. “The issues running through here would amaze you.”

She smiled, watching him pull his gaze away as if nervous. After a few minutes, she spoke. “I used to wish I was her.”

His eyebrows popped up, and he slipped away, reaching for his forgotten pizza slice. “Did you?”

The sudden distance between them hit her hard. Regretful for what she’d admitted, she tittered and dropped her head into the pillow. “Forget I said anything.”

“Lex, I’ll always want to know what’s in that busy head of yours.”

“You sure?” she asked, peeking up at him.

“You’re the most honest person I’ve ever known. Don’t ever change that.”

He leaned back against the pillows, the slice of pizza slipping between his lips. A sudden jealousy of the melted cheese stirred in Alexis.

“You’re not alone with your regrets, you know?” he said between bites.

“No?” Shutting the box, she dropped it to the floor and stretched her body, running her fingers distractedly over his taut lower stomach.

He finished his slice. “I’ve had many, but not sleeping with you was never one of them.”

Her fingers stilled. “Oh.”

She pulled away, but he gripped her wrist, settling her hand firmly back onto his stomach. “Please, don’t stop.” The bulge under the sheet grew with her touch, and he released a contented moan. “You were too young, Lex. It wasn’t the right time. Not like… well, not like now. Now, we can be together. And I’m not bogged down by this voice telling me it’s wrong.”

“I wasn’tthatyoung.”

“Maybe not.” Ciarán shut his eyes. Alexis snuck her hand beneath the sheet, gripping his length. A hiss escaped his parted lips. Though she longed to kiss him, she enjoyed watching him too much to move.

He smiled, peering down at her, a mix of kindness and longing in a deep blue swirl. “Did you enjoy it? Your first time?”

“No. It was mediocre at best. Maybe I shouldn’t have waited…”

Their gazes remained locked as she kept stroking, their needs not fully satisfied and intensifying with each stroke of her hand. Without speaking them aloud, it was as if their true feelings were shouting. His thumb ran over her cheek, then he slid his hand behind her head, guiding her up to kiss him.

“It would have been nice.”

“It would have,” he whispered against her lips. “I wish I’d been the one.”

The insecurity in his voice melted her heart, and his words hit like thunder. The lump lodged in her throat prevented the words from coming out—I wish you had, too.

“You know what’s strange?” He swept a loose strand of hair off her forehead. “When I’m with you, everything drops away. The anxiety, the doubts. You’ve got this calming force over me and I can’t understand it. It’s like when I’m with you, I’m Ciarán, that guy from Dublin. Not thisthingthey all worship.”

“I used to worship you,” she kidded, sinking back down, resting her ear over his heart.

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