“Shit,” he said, trying to wipe it off with his finger.
“Don’t worry about it. I definitely need to wash them after…” Her cheeks flushed as Ciarán’s eyebrow perked up. The memories of the several times they devoured each other heated her body from the inside out. How could she still want more?
“You probably should.” Ciarán chewed slowly, keeping his attention on the pizza. But the same pull that brought their bodies together only hours ago resurfaced. “Mmm, this beats the shite I was going to make.”
“I’m sure it would have been delicious.” She tapped him on the arm, sitting up.
His eyes were on her again, making her self-conscious as she chewed the greasy but incredibly tasty pizza. A soft smile stretched across her lips. It had been so long since they’d seen each other, but also as if not one day had passed. He was like a dream she’d wanted to dive back into, but was buried in her subconscious, too far for her to reach.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he said, taking a second slice.
“Just something stupid.”
Forgetting the pizza, he wiped his hands with a paper napkin before bringing them to rest on her bare knees, his thumbs tracing the curve of her bent leg.
“Nothing you could say would be stupid, Lex.”
The touch of his thumb, the slight roughness of his skin, electrified her body.
She cleared her throat. “I was thinking about us… back then…”
“Ah… And?”
“I kind of regret some things.”
He perked up, his hands falling away from her legs. “What things?”
She shrugged. “Nothing. Forget it.”
He cupped her cheek. “Lex… Tell me.”
Piercing blue eyes glared back at her. In them, she saw honesty and trust, wrapped in promises of comfort and safety. “How different would things be if we’d taken things further?”
“Further?” He fell back into the bed, resting his head on the pillow, folding his arms behind it.
She nodded, but was sure she was making a fool of herself. “You know, if we’d had sex?”
He stared at the ceiling; his eyes fixated on something. “We did other stuff.”
She laughed, even though his tone sounded too serious. “Right, yeah, we did, but…” She undid her ponytail and tied up her hair once more, keeping her hands busy.
“You were a virgin, love.”
“Well, yeah, but…” She turned away. “Is that why it didn’t happen?”
His lips pursed as he considered this. “Probably, yeah.”
“Probably.” The words itched to come out, and she worried her lip.
After a long pause, Ciarán sighed. “Say it.”
“Say what?”
“Whatever’s on your mind.” His steely gaze contradicted what he was asking, as if the last thing he wanted was to hear were her thoughts.
“I guess I wonder if we didn’t sleep together because… it felt wrong.”
“You being a virgin?”