Page 81 of Savage Seduction

His expression falls. Moments before Ben had been at the height of sexual arousal and now sadness—or was it pity I saw in his eyes?

“It’s okay, Max. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do… if you’re not ready, I understand.” He goes and sits on the bed and pats the empty side next to him.

I follow him over and join him but continue to button my shirt and refasten my belt. I shake my head. “I know we’ve spoken about this already, but I guess I didn’t realize how Iwould feel the first time I was going to show someone I was… intimate with.”

“Am I the first person you’ve been with since the attack?”

I nod.

Ben takes my hand in his. “I’m honored that you would even consider opening your heart to me after what you’ve been through.”

“The thing is, I really do want to show you. Let you trace your finger along the raised lines, kiss it, taste me.” I sigh. “Maybe if I do, I can finally get over this unreasonable fear.”

“I’ll leave it up to you, but there isn’t a scar in the world that would make me look at you any different.” Ben hugs me and kisses the nape of my neck.

I slowly reach up to my top button and begin undoing them, one-by-one, until I reach the bottom, the shirt still held closed. Without a word, I slowly slide the sides of my shirt apart, revealing the huge scar that started at my left hip and cut across my abdomen. The top of the ankh-shaped scar ended under my left nipple. My breaths grow shallow as I try in vain to suppress the tears that well up and now flow down my cheeks.

Ben looks at the scar, frozen in place. Was he trying to come up with something nice to say? Despite his words, was he disgusted? He hesitantly reaches for the scar with his finger, tracing the top part—his hand trembling slightly.

“Please, say something.” I pull my shirt closed once again. “Ben?”

Ben clears his throat and looks away.

“What’s wrong?” I stand and take a step backwards away from the bed. “I knew this would be too much. I mean… we hardly know each other. Why would you want someone with a past like mine?” I turn to run away and trip over a box.

Ben jumps up from the bed and rushes to my side. “Are you okay?”

I wipe the tears from my face. “Peachy.” I scramble to my feet and try to pull the focus off myself. “Why do you have all these boxes everywhere? You’re not moving, are you?” My nervous laugh betrays my continued anxiousness.

Ben shrugs. “Not moving… well, sort of.”

“Sort of? Isn’t moving like being pregnant? You either are or not.”

“I was offered a chance to do some volunteer work in South America with Doctors Without Borders.”

Another blow to my stomach.He’sleaving the fucking country?“Not that you owe me anything, but when exactly, were you planning on telling me? After you fucked me? Going to work me over and then disappear? Or simply slip out of the country for what… six months?”

Ben furrows his brow. “I applied for this opportunity more than six months ago. Max, we hadn’t even met yet.”

He reaches for me, I pull away.

“I wanted to talk to you about this the last time we met, but I wanted to hear about what happened to you. Have that date be about you, not me and my work.”

“Ah,” I say, bitterness dripping from my lips. “This is all my fault, then?”

“No, not at all. It wasn’t until I started thinking about withdrawing my application that the hospital let me know it was already official. I’d been accepted into the program, and they were granting me two full years of sabbatical.”

“Two years?” I huff. The wild swing of emotions I’d felt in the last few minutes sent a surge of nausea through me, threatening to make me sick. I swallow hard and steady myself. “I think I should leave.” I turn and hurry toward the front door.

Ben follows close behind. “Please don’t go. Let’s talk about this. It doesn’t mean I have to leave. I know what it looks like, Max. I’ve already started packing, but it’s not like a jail sentence, there are still options.”

I can’t look back and don’t have it in me to continue to talk. I rush out the front door and get into my car. Without as much as a wave, I put the car in gear and sped away from the one man who had made me believe anything was possible—almost.

CHAPTER 31

Max

Istruggle up the stairs to my second-floor apartment. The adrenaline that fueled my argument with Ben has left my body. I'm now useless, barely able to climb the stairs as my knees tremble under my own weight. Pathetic.

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