Page 5 of Lethal Seduction

I put my hands up in self-defense. “Hey, I can’t help it if I’m a hopeless romantic.”

“Sweetie,” she says, putting a sweaty hand on my shoulder. “It’s been years. Maybe a half a decade ago it was cute, but now it’s just revealing.”

“Revealing, what?”

“You’re damaged.” She puts a supportive hand on my shoulder and squeezes. “But I still love you.”

I shrug and cross my arms.

“Don’t get upset. If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times.” She reaches over and squeezes my hand. “When you’re ready, I’ll go with you to your first counseling session. By then you’ll be comfortable with him or her. Trust me. I’ve been in therapy for years. Daddy says all starlets need a good counselor.”

I don’t have the heart to remind her she hasn’t actually starred in anything, unless you consider the commercial she did for that popular douche brand years ago.Mom, why do I have that not-so-fresh feeling?It’s the one speaking role she managed during the decades of auditions. I mean, she was great at pretending her crotch was musty, but it never seemed to translate into any real role.

“Are you going to go with me to the next audition? My agent says there’s a perfect part for me and you,” Tina says, giving her pouty face to guilt me into not giving up on my dreams of becoming an actor.

“I don’t know.” I look away.

“Why don’t you know? You’re a great actor.” She reaches up and puts her hands on my shoulders, squaring me up tolook into my eyes. “Remember that time you tried out for that commercial, and they loved you?”

I smile. “They did… didn’t they?”

“No one ever gets their big break without getting shit on along the way. It’s part of the Hollywood experience.” She shakes me like an abusive mother and then says, “We both need to count our blessings as my grandmother would have said, bless her soul in heaven. Neither of us has had to suck a wrinkly old cock on the casting couch.”

She makes a few very strong points. “What movie is the audition for?” My interest is now mildly piqued.

“They won’t give out any specific information, which tells me it’s a big deal. Usually, the indie films are pretty open about casting, but remember how hush hush that last Richard Thompson film was?” She puts her hand on her hip. “Blockbuster… and top secret.”

“Okay, I’m in. We can discuss the specifics later, but let your agent know I’ll be going too. Do you think she’ll still represent me?”

“Bring her a pack of menthol cigarettes, and she’ll take you under her dusty, ash-filled wing.”

I hug her, suddenly excited about a part I have almost no chance of getting. “Thanks for always looking out for me.”

“Of course. Oh, my, look what we have walking this way.” Tina pushes me away and starts to play with her hair, contorting her body to make her boobs look bigger than they are. I turn and see Jake Bloom approaching fast, too fast for me to collect my thoughts, let alone make myself look more appealing.

“Tina… Patrick,” Jake says, pausing after each name long enough to give us a fist bump. “What are you two doing here?”

Jake is the bartender at work and he catches the eye of every person who works there. No one is certain of his sexualorientation, but neither Tina nor I care as long as he keeps flirting with us.

“Tina and I come here to practice our archery skills. You never know when they’ll come in handy.”

Jake cocks his head to the side, his quizzical look making me want to crawl under a rock. “Planning on going hunting? It never occurred to me you’d be interested in something like that.”

I stammer a few unintelligible words.

“What my mute friend here is trying to say is, we come here to practice in case Hollywood decides to make another movie where archery is an integral plot point.” She smiles and nods my way.

“Ah, that’s right. I heard through the work grapevine, you tried to get the role of Katniss, didn’t you?” Jake smiles and takes a step closer to her. “You’re far too beautiful for that film.”

A sound between that of a horse whinny and a dolphin squeak emanates from the flushed Tina. She too grows speechless as her mouth opens and closes like a fish out of water.

I’ve got to do something to save my best friend from this humiliation. “I tried out for Peeta,” I manage to say as I shift my weight under the ever-growing awkwardness. “But in all fairness, we’ve grown fond of the sport.” I flex my left bicep in some kind of insane effort to appear manly.

“I get that,” Jake says. “Sports are great. I especially love a soothing hot shower after a long, hard, day of play.”

“Um,” Tina says. “I love showers. You too, Patrick? You, me… we… showers.”

I watch in horror as my friend dissolves into a pile of stuttering goo.Pull yourself together, woman.

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