Page 2 of Off Season

Bailey giggles and I can’t help but smile. “You’re a modern-day Robert Frost. Thank you.”

He nods in satisfaction. “You’re welcome. By the way, I bumped into the weird ginger across the hallway. He scowled at me. I feel like he might murder me in my sleep one day.”

Bailey shakes her head. “Stop it. Justin is a sweetie, but he’s in love with Kam. She constantly walks around half-naked. He runs out into the hallway every time our door opens. I think he’s hoping to get a look at her.”

I scoff. “Yeah, kitten, be nice to him. The poor guy will probably die a virgin. What’s the difference between a brick and a male ginger?”

Cheetah thinks for a moment. “I don’t know. What?”

I answer, “The brick gets laid.”

He chuckles. “Good one.” He peeks out the bedroom door. “By the way, there’s something boiling on your stove. It looks like it might overflow.”

I pop out of Bailey’s bed. “Oops, I almost forgot about my stew.”

Bailey moans in malcontent. “Ugh. Make sure that’s cleaned up before you go.”

As I approach the door, I notice that Cheetah is clean-shaven. I’ve never seen him this way before. I rub his face. “What’s with this? It’s not very sittable.”

“Sorry. My mother likes it when I shave. I indulge her for theholidays. Look at the bright side. It will be more like sitting on a woman’s face for you.”

“If I wanted to sit on a woman’s face, I would. Half your appeal is the scruff rubbing me in all the right places.”

“What’s the other half?”

“Hmm. Your stamina.” The guy can fuck me for hours.

He winks before I make my way to the kitchen with him hot on my heels. I quickly turn down the dial on the stove.

He approaches me from behind and looks over my shoulder. “Holy shit. Is that a boiling pot full of dildos? And I thought you didn’t cook.”

I turn my head and smile. “Dildo stew is my specialty.”

Bailey walks out of her room with messy hair and in an oversized T-shirt I know isn’t hers. I raise an eyebrow. “Is that Daddy Tanner’s shirt?”

She rolls her eyes and points toward the stove. “Seriously, don’t leave me with a pot full of your nasty dildos. I’m never cleaning that again. I have PTSD from that one time.”

I shake my head. “I just boiled them. They’re not nasty, they’re clean. Sanitized.”

Cheetah continues to stare in bewilderment at the big pot full of seven giant dildos in multiple colors. “Care to explain, Kam bam?”

“I wanted them clean for when you let me peg you as a thank-you for pretending to be your girlfriend this week.”

His eyes widen, and I burst out laughing. “Just kidding, kitten. I only use them on the ladies. At least once a month, I like to sanitize my dildo collection. In case our plane crashes, I wanted to make sure all the dildos were clean. I’m getting my affairs in order.”

Bailey deadpans, “Getting your affairs in order means cleaning your dildos? What about something useful like making amends with Mom?”

My face falls at the mere mention of that woman. “BeverlyHart is no mother to me and never has been. I care more about the silicone in this pot than I do about her.”

Cheetah rubs my arms. Clearly noticing I need a distraction, he asks, “Are you all packed? We should get going soon.”

“Ugh. Are you one of those people who likes to get to airports overly early?”

He nods. “Yes, I am. Let’s tear off the Band-Aid of the undoubtedly long goodbye to your sister and get going.”

Lots of cryingand two hours later, we’re sitting at our gate. Cheetah looks over at me. “Let’s run through the members of my family again.”

I shrug. “I’ve got it all down. No need.”

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