Page 17 of Off Season

Because women love sitting on it when it’s a little rough. Possibly something I shouldn’t share with my mother.

“How’s Papá?”

She sighs. “Stubborn as a mule. His truck is acting up again. He’s in the garage trying to fix it, making all kinds of unruly noises.”

“The truck is almost as old as me. It’s not fixable. Let me buy you a new one.”

“Ay, no! Your money is for your future familia. For when you buy a house near ours and raise your family. We have plenty. He’ll fix it. I have no doubt. If you need money forthe house, let us know. We have some saved for you just in case.”

I shake my head. Sometimes I truly wonder if they realize how much money I make. More than I could spend in ten lifetimes.

Hmm, I think I know what Santa will bring them this year. I make a mental note to call Uncle Roddy. He’s a car salesman. Getting my father a new car and my uncle a little business. Sounds like a win-win.

Ignoring the comment about me buying a house near them, I say, “I’m sure he’ll fix it. He loves a good challenge. He married you, after all.”

She giggles. “I’m not that tough. I’m a softie.”

I let out a laugh. “I love you, Mamá, but there’s nothing soft about you.”

“My stomach is soft. And too round.”

“That’s because you’re such a great cook. I learned from the best.”

“You flatter me. Speaking of cooking, are you cooking for anyone special right now? I can’t wait for the day you move back here with your wife and children, but you need that wife first.”

I roll my eyes. That’s now twice she’s mentioned me moving home in less than three minutes. That might be a record, even for her.

I’m not sure if that annoys me more than her constant questions about the status of my love life. She asks about it every time we speak, which is a few times a week.

Never one to ruffle any feathers, I answer, “No, Mamá. I can’t find anyone as perfect as you.”

“You’re full of mierda.” She gasps as if what she’s about to tell me is important. “I almost forgot to tell you. Mariana and her mother stopped by last week. We were making empanadas. She’s a wonderful cook, and she’s gotten even more stunning. She asked for you.”

Mariana is the younger sister of a childhood friend of mine. She’s best friends with my baby sister. Mariana has always had a crush on me. She’s attractive, but I just don’t see herthatway. She’s kind of…boring. I like a woman with a big personality. One who can match mine. My mother knows all this, yet she still tries to shove Mariana down my throat.

I do my best to remain polite. “Please give her my best.”

“You should do that in person. It’s time to settle down, mi hijo. Make me grandbabies.”

“You have seventeen grandbabies. You’re being greedy.”

“It’s my greatest joy in life. And who wouldn’t want a few more Gonzales niños blessing this world?”

“Better get Adriana or Camila on it.”

“You’re very funny.”

I chuckle. “I think so.”

“Well, when you come home for Christmas, we’ll see where things go with Mariana. I may invite them to join our family dinner.”

Oh no. She’s made it so obvious and uncomfortable that I rarely go home anymore. “I gotta run, Mamá. I have lunch plans.”

“With a woman? A date?”

“Yes, I have a lunch date with an amazing, perfect woman, so don’t invite Mariana just yet.”

She gasps. “How wonderful. Tell me about her.”

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