Page 85 of Off Season

The living room in the Gonzales house can best be described as complete and total mayhem. There are at least forty people chatting and sipping their morning coffee, with all the little ones tearing into their gifts. The floor is covered in discarded wrapping paper, bows, and ribbons.

He looks down at the big bag I’m holding full of gifts. “I told you not to buy anything. I sent all the gifts in advance and wrote that they were from both of us.”

I shrug. “I got small trinkets for your nieces and nephews. Kids should get tons of gifts on Christmas.” I was lucky to get one gift each year. I would have killed to have a Christmas like these kids do, surrounded by dozens of family members and piles of gifts.

“What did you get them? You don’t know what they like.”

“When you’re awake as many hours as I am, stalking social media to see what kids are into isn’t that hard. I know which kids like sports, which like art, which like dance, and which like music.”

He rubs my back. “That was nice of you. Thanks.”

I twirl my diamond ring which feels very heavy on my finger. “I’m a great fiancée. I can’t wait to trade this sucker in five days from now. I’m gonna get a new car with the funds,” I joke.

He laughs. “It’s yours. Do with it as you please.”

My chin drops. “I’m just fucking with you. I’m not keeping this Queen of England ring.”

He shrugs. “Suit yourself. I got it from a bubblegum machine.”

No he didn’t. It’s the real deal. I can tell.

We walk through the living room to an absolute sea of hugs, kisses, and well-wishes. It’s awesome. I quietly add the presents to the pile under the tree.

Cheetah’s mom serves everyone a tray of what appears to behot chocolate. He smiles at it. “It’s called Abuelita. It’s a Mexican hot chocolate. No one makes it better than Mamá. Best drink you’ll ever have in your life.”

All the mugs are one color except the one she hands me. I raise my eyebrow as she encourages me to take it. “Did you poison mine?”

She smiles. “Cruz said you prefer dark chocolate to milk chocolate. I made you a special one.”

Of course he told her. He thinks of everything. I rub his arm and whisper my thanks for always considering me.

Cheetah’s parents and siblings were all kind enough to get me gifts. Shoes, purses, dresses, and a designer wallet. I’m totally overwhelmed by their generosity. I’m a stranger and yet every single one of them thought to buy me a gift. I think I might need to buy an extra suitcase to take all this stuff home with me.

Aunt Maria is a piece of work. Her boobs must each weigh more than me, and I think she cracked one of my ribs when she hugged me, but she’s as happy as can be watching the Christmas morning magic of the Gonzales household unfold. Apparently she never married or had kids, so her brother’s family is her only family. It occurs to me that she may very well be me in forty years, sitting in a chair watching Bailey’s family in action.

As the morning roars on, Cheetah’s mother grabs a can of Diet Coke away from his father. “Ay, dios mio. I told you. No more diet soda. Nunca.”

I bite back my smile, but Cheetah asks, “Why can’t he have soda? He always drinks Diet Coke in the mornings. It’s been his choice of caffeine for as long as I can remember.”

His mother winks at me. “My daughter-in-law-to-be and I couldn’t sleep last night. Apparently, she’s a bit of an insomniac like me. While I usually cook, she likes to spend that time learning new things on the internet. We learned things together. Right, mi hija.”

I grin. “Right, Mamá.”

Cheetah looks at me skeptically and mouths, “Mamá?”

Ishrug. “We bonded. Turns out we have more in common than I thought.”

Like that she’s a dirty bitch. We were up half the night laughing as she discovered just how many things you can find on the internet.

Mamá nods emphatically. “I learned that diet soda kills testosterone, which kills erections. Your father is no longer permitted to have diet soda. I thought I threw it all away.”

Cheetah and his siblings all start dry-heaving while his mother and I laugh.

She continues, “And raw eggs have the opposite effect. Raw eggs will now be part of your daily diet, mi amor.”

Cheetah narrows his eyes at me. “What did you do to my sweet, innocent mother?”

I whisper back, “You didn’t think you were coming out of this whole fake fiancée thing unscathed, did you?”

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