Page 60 of Off Season

I turn to look at her, my face only a few inches from hers. “Is it so hard to believe that I enjoy spending time with you? That I’ve never met anyone like you? That I’m fascinated by you?”

She turns her head toward me and steels her face. “You just want to fuck me again.”

“That too because I’m wildly attracted to you,” I admit, “but I’m equally happy to talk to you, Kamryn.”

“What do you want to talk about?”

“Tell me why you don’t sleep.”

She turns her head away from me. “I have a lot of demons,Cruz. You don’t end up as fucked up as I am with a normal, healthy upbringing.”

“Does this have to do with your mother?”

She turns toward me again and pinches her eyebrows together. “What makes you think that?”

“I don’t know. I’ve listened to every word you’ve ever said. You and Bailey are unusually tight, and I know you both are close with your father, but you never go home. You haven’t since you left for college. You never talk about your mother; except the one time you mentioned her not allowing you certain kid-like liberties when you were young. But I know she exists. I guess I simply put the pieces together.” And I may have googled Kam. Anytime she’s been asked about her family in interviews, she mentions her sister and father, never her mother.

She exhales a long breath. “I guess you’re not just a pretty face with a great ass and giant beach balls. Yes, we adore our father. Yes, Bailey and I are unusually close, even for twins. We’ve had to rely on each other for as long as I can remember. Our mother is a piece of shit, but that’s all you’re getting from me. Now it’s your turn. How’s your relationship with your family?”

I shrug. I’ve got nothing to hide. “Pretty good. My family life was always chaotic. You know I have a lot of siblings. I’m the middle one.”

“I can’t imagine. That must be crazy.”

“Good crazy. Two of my sisters butt heads a bit, but everyone mostly gets along well. My father is a mechanic who still works his ass off. My mother helps babysit all the grandkids. I talk to her a few times a week. I’m the only one of my siblings who lives out of town. I’m most definitely expected to move back when I retire. My status as an unmarried man who hasn’t given her more grandkids is a constant topic. Like you, she doesn’t sleep well. She obsessively cooks during the night, though I think she mostly stays up and dreams of ways to marry me off. I know she means well, but she drives me nuts about it.”

“At least she cares about you. Be thankful.”

“I know, but it’s excessive. It’s the reason I only go home once a year for Christmas. In part, I can’t handle the pressure, but I also feel like I’m a disappointment.”

She rolls her eyes. “You’re a superstar baseball player who has a fuck ton of money. And you happen to be a good guy. A great guy. Why in the world would she be disappointed?”

“Money means nothing to them. Familia. Niños. Those things are success to them. In that sense, I’m a failure.”

“That’s nuts.”

“That’s my family. My mother even has the woman picked out.”

She scrunches her face. “Ouch. Is she a troll?”

I let out a laugh. “Not even close. She’s beautiful, sweet, and comes from a good, honest family.”

“What’s the problem?”

I look Kam in the eyes. “I don’t know that it’s the life I want. What they want for me doesn’t excite me. As for the woman, she doesn’t challenge me. She doesn’t make me laugh. She’s…kind of boring.”

“Vanilla sex?”

“I wouldn’t know. I’ve never even kissed her. I’ve known her for all of her twenty-five years, and I’ve never once come close to touching her. I won’t lead her on. You can’t force it. I refuse to marry someone for anything other than true love.”

“Is that what you want? Marriage? A family? True love?”

“Doesn’t everyone want that?”

She shakes her head. “I don’t. Fucked up people shouldn’t bring kids into this world. My mother is exhibit one. I refuse to be exhibit two in the Hart family.”

“Everyone is a little fucked up.”

“Well, I’m a lot of it.”

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