Page 118 of Off Season

His shoulders slump a bit. “I grew up in a different era. I think I always knew but didn’t always accept it. Your mother was beautiful back in the day. You girls look so much like her.”

I wince. “Ugh. She looked like a saddlebag with eyes.” Her looks declined rapidly once she began hitting the bottle hard. I hadn’t seen her in person in ten years, but the handful of times she flashed by the screen on our calls with him, I could see that her once-good looks were completely gone.

He sighs. “The years of alcohol abuse took their toll on her. You know full well that when she was younger, she was stunning like you two. We were high school sweethearts. She followed me to college. I experimented a bit while there but always maintained a relationship with her. When she fell pregnant with you two, I did the right thing. I married her. I don’t regret any of it because it gave me the two most precious gems in the world, but when you two left for college, I decided that I would no longer hide myself. That’s when I met Ray. I spend most of my free time with him, but I couldn’t leave your mother to fend for herself. She had no other family, and I couldn’t afford a hospital. I took care of her and spent time with Ray. He’s been understanding, but now I’m going to officially move in with him. I’m selling the house. The bags I brought are a lot of our belongings and some of your awards and trophies from over the years. Take what you want anddo as you please with the rest. Ray’s house is beautiful. I don’t need to bring anything but my clothes.”

I’m practically bouncing up and down with excitement for him. “Is he hot? Can we see pictures? When can we meet him? I need to meet the man who makes my father happy. Maybe a little interrogation too. I need to make sure his intentions are honorable.”

Dad replies, “Perhaps I’ll bring him with me on my next visit, or perhaps you two will actually come home now that…things are different.”

Bailey stands and hugs him. “I’m so happy for you. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

I then stand and join their hug before whispering, “Want to get matching rainbow flag tattoos?”

He chuckles before we pull apart and sit back down. He looks at me. “I’m sorry for how your mother acted toward you when you came out. I should have done more. She knew my…preferences and blamed me for you. It was a dark time for us.”

I let this all register. I don’t care about me at this point, I care about him. “She knew about you before Ray?”

He nods. “Yes. She always knew I preferred men.”

I shake my head. “Why did she want to marry you?”

“There’s a reason you only had my parents as your grandparents before they passed.”

Bailey looks at him. “Because hers were already gone.”

He shakes his head. “No, they weren’t. Not until you were five or six. People like your mother aren’t born that way. No one is born filled with hatred and bigotry. They’re made into that by their surroundings. If you think she was bad, you should have seen her parents. She wanted to get away from them. She saw me as that opportunity. For me, she wasmyopportunity to hide my true self. It was almost a business arrangement in which we both benefited. I know you think she got pregnant on purpose, to trap me, but she didn’t. She wanted me to play professional ball andsupport us.” Our father was a college basketball player but had to stop playing when my mother became pregnant with us during their senior year. “She was doing a little modeling at the time. When she became pregnant, I had to get a job to make us money. She couldn’t model anymore. You two arrived, and everyone oohed and aahed over how gorgeous you were. She saw you as her new meal ticket and…lost her way.”

I cross my arms. “It was more than that.”

He nods. “I know. Once you made it clear how much you hated modeling, I fought her on the issue. I know it took longer than it should have. I tried to make all three of you happy. In the end, I failed her the most. The misery consumed her until she turned into someone I didn’t recognize. My guilt over that is the reason I chose to take care of her all these years. But when I see how you two turned out, the amazing women you’ve become, I know I did something right.” Tears fill his eyes. “You both have such pure, kind, and caring hearts.”

I shake my head. “Bailey does. I don’t.”

“No, Kamryn, you do,” he says more sternly than normal for him. “Just because you’re more abrasive and a bit of a button-pusher doesn’t mean all those attributes aren’t there.”

Bailey nods her head. “Of course you’re all those things, Kam.”

I’m not going to sit here and argue with them. I know what I am.

He grabs both of our hands. “I’m closing the chapter on my past and looking forward to the future. In the words of the artist Henri Matisse, ‘There are always flowers for those who want to see them.’ I’m choosing to see only flowers moving forward. Let’s start off by you telling me all the good things going on in your lives.

I can’t believe my babies are going to be Olympians. My mother will dance in her grave when you guys are on the podium.”

Our grandmother was an Olympic champion swimmer. Wewere about fourteen when she passed. She left my father her gold medal, which my mother sold to support her habits. I’ve never seen my father as angry as the day he found out.

Bailey shrugs. “I’m not sure I’ll be on the team, Daddy. Ripley, Arizona, and Kam will for sure.”

I shake my head. “Don’t put yourself down. You’re just as good as us. We’reallgoing. That’s the plan. It always has been.”

Our father nods in agreement and then turns his attention to me. “What about you, Kamryn? Are you serious with the baseball player you brought to the funeral?”

I shake my head. “No, he’s my fuck buddy.”

He sighs. “Can you please not talk like that in front of me?”

“Okay. He’s my sex friend.”

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