Page 100 of Off Season

The last of the dirt is thrown on top of the grave. Kamryn simply stands there and stoically stares at the men completing their jobs and clearing out their equipment.

She insisted on wearing a hot pink dress and heels, calling today a celebration, but she’s otherwise been respectful. In fact, she hasn’t said more than two words since we arrived at the cemetery.

In fairness, Bailey has been quiet too, and their father, Chris, only said a few words at the funeral along the lines of hoping Beverly is now at peace. There were only a sprinkling of people in attendance. I think I recognized half of them from the bar last night. Kam and Bailey didn’t appear to know the other half. I guess they’ve been gone for a long time.

I was briefly introduced to Chris Hart, but I otherwise simply stood behind Kamryn, offering her whatever support she needed. Tanner did the same for Bailey as he and I exchanged frequent glances throughout the mostawkward funeral in the history of the world. I’ve never been to a funeral where not one positive thing was said about the deceased. Even the officiant kept it to general prayers, nothing overly individualized.

Bailey and Chris aren’t hysterical but are clearly emotional as they begin to move away from the grave. Chris silently walks to his car. A man who was in attendance, who I assume is a friend, walks with him and appears to console him. Tanner has his arm wrapped around Bailey as they make their way toward their rental car.

I see Bailey’s shoulders begin to shake as they approach the street, no doubt reality finally setting in. I wonder if it will be the same for Kam at some point.

She hasn’t moved from the graveside. She’s still hovering over the fresh pile of dirt, staring at it without any expression on her face.

I move to stand behind her. She turns only her head to me. “You should go. I have a few things to say to Beverly. Some parting words.”

I rub her arms and pull her back to my front. “I’m not leaving you alone. Say what you need to say and then lean on me when you need that. I’m here for you, Kamryn.”

“It’s not going to be pretty, Cruz. You might not like what you hear.”

“I share a locker room with thirty men. I can handle it. Do your worst.”

She nods before she turns her head back to the grave. She takes a few long breaths before practically gritting out, “Beverly Hart, you are the biggest piece of shit to ever walk this planet. I know what you did. I see you. I always saw you. How could you throw your child to the wolves? What kind of human being does that? What kind of mother does that to her child?”

She spits on the grave before she continues, “You never should have had kids. Why? Why did you get pregnant? Iknow you did it to trap him, but you weren’t capable of mothering. How fucking dare you bring children into this world. How fucking dare you consider doing to Bailey what you and I both know you were prepared to do.”

I can’t see her face, but I know she’s crying. Her voice cracks. “Bailey is perfect. She’s kind, sweet, compassionate, and thoughtful. I’m not sure how that’s possible with half your genes, but she is. I guess she got Daddy’s genes. I got all your shit genes.” She falls to her knees and yells out, “I’m no good because of you.”

I see both Chris and Bailey snap their heads our way at the sudden increase in the volume of Kam’s voice.

I hold up my hand and shake my head at them, letting them know to stay away. Kam needs this. She needs to finally let it all out.

She cries out, “You made me this way. I’ll never be normal because of you. I fucking hate you. I loathe everything about you. I hope you burn in hell where you belong.”

She sniffs and then wipes her nose before she spits on the grave again. Finally, she begins sobbing. Heavily. I expected the yelling and screaming, but I didn’t expect this. I’m happy for her that she’s letting go this much.

I drop down to one knee behind her and wrap my arms around her, whispering, “Let it all out.” She tries to fight me, but I don’t release her. “Let me in. Let me hold you. Lean on me.”

She shakes her head. “Why? You should get as far away from me as possible. You’re too good for me. I’m no good. Look at who my mother is.”

I squeeze her tightly. “Don’t say that about yourself. Youaregood. You’re great. You’re the way you are despite her, not because of her. You’re not Beverly Hart. You’re so much better. A million times better. She made people sad. You make them happy. You have a gift for brightening the livesand lifting the spirits of everyone around you. You’re loved by all who know you. You’re the most loyal and loving person who exists. She was incapable of any of those qualities.”

“I’m not capable of love.”

“Are you kidding me? Look at how much you love your sister. I’ve never in my life seen someone love so completely the way you love her. I have no doubts that you would take a bullet for her without a moment of hesitation.”

I pull her to stand so I can turn her around and take her into my arms. She wraps her arms around my waist and sobs into my chest. “I hate the way I am. I don’t want to be like this. I’m going to end up an old maid like your Aunt Maria, with my tits hanging by my toes and a man voice.”

I inwardly laugh at the description before kissing her head. “I happen to love the way you are. I wouldn’t change a thing about you.”

She lifts her head. Her sad eyes meet mine. “You wouldn’t?”

I tuck her hair behind her ear and whisper, “No. Brains, beauty, and the best sense of humor. You sound pretty perfect to me. Youareperfect, Kamryn. Don’t ever think otherwise.”

A small smile finds her lips. “What about my boobs? Do you think they’ll end up at my toes?”

I shake my head. “Not a chance. Your nipple holsters are too good for that.”

She sighs. “Can we leave today? Right away. I don’t ever want to come back to this town again. There’s nothing but sadness here. I don’t want to be sad. It’s not a good look on me.”

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