Page 97 of Property of Chaos

Who am I really? I glance down at my clothes. Is this who I am at heart?You know that too.It’s the most authentic representation of who I am becauseIcontrolled it. Because it makes me feelgood.

My lungs expand with a deep breath, the intake easier.

Theresa returns to the counter. “Feeling any better?”

“A bit. Yeah.” I eye the stack of dishes on the worktop behind her. “Can I help with anything?”

“Nope.” She turns away, gathering a few of the plates. “If you’re ready to talk, though…”

“Not yet.”

She gives a nod and then disappears out back again.

I reach for the water yet stall when the angry growl of an engine braking makes the windows vibrate. My gut tightens, invisible fingers crushing my heart as the masked skull I’ve cometo both love and hate stares at me through the window, the bike tearing past.

It was too quick. You don’t know it was him.

Except I do, don’t I?

I pad toward the window, pushing onto tiptoes to see farther down the street, but it’s useless. I can’t make out much other than four or five cars parked on the side of the road and the people going about their business like it’s any other regular day.Because for them, it is.And isn’t that just the most isolating part of all this crap? Knowing that my stepfather’s influence only affects me. Nobody else in Temperance is even aware of the evil setting down roots.

I return to the table and open the candy bar, picking a corner off the chocolate before I snatch up my phone and open my thread to Marianna.

Can you help me book my tickets to go face the devil?

I devour a few pieces of chocolate before she replies.

Are you sure you want to do this? Take it your visit to the doctor went well then.

I smirk, thumb hovering over the screen as I lick the melted candy bar from my fingertips. Yeah. It did go well, but not in the way she expected. That asshole scared the hell out of me—still has my nervous system on edge—but fuck him. Fuck every one of those sanctimonious sycophants.

I won’t fold.

I won’t bend the knee to men who have no idea of the hell I’ve been through.

Who couldn’t endure the same.

I’m sure. Could you feed Murph while I’m away?

Babe. I’m coming with you.

You can’t step away from your work. I’ll be fine. I’ve asked Evelyn.

Her dots dance and pause. Dance and pause.

It feels wrong not to be with you during this.

Throat thick, I push away what remains of the candy bar.I’ve found my family.These are the people who matter the most in the world to me. These are the people to whom I matter most.

It’ll comfort me to know you’re here when I get back.

I pause, unable to tap out the words.I love you. You’re so precious to me. I appreciate everything about you.The fear of rejection still has a chokehold on my relationships, and it makes me sad that I’m not in a place to push past that yet.

Thank you for everything.

I silence the phone and set it face down on the table.What a day.A fuckload to take in, and it’s only been a few hours. I ache to cocoon myself in a soft blanket, a cozy game lighting up the room, snacks at the ready beside me. I crave safety and security.

An image of Chaos leaning against my doorframe, arms folded over his inked chest, flashes to mind.The hell?That’s the first time a person has featured in my visualizations of calm and comfort.

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