Page 24 of (Un)Rivaled

I could feel Wade’s annoyance at my side. Despite an inner urge to soothe his worries, I couldn’t bring myself to focus on him, too consumed with watching my best friend and little sister playing a game of air hockey across the arcade. With one smooth move, Calla sank the puck into Gray’s goal and let out a loud whoop of victory. He moved to the other side of the table in three strides, pulling her up into his arms. Despite losing, he looked like he was having the time of his life.

Which was the complete opposite of how my evening was going.

“You’ve been watching them all night.”

I shook my head, forcing myself to look back at my boyfriend. Wade and I made things official at the end of last summer, and despite spending most of the year apart, our relationship continued through the school year. It was easy being with Wade. He was funny and kind, and he made me feel special in a way I hadn’t experienced before. But ever since I came back into town, something had felt off between us, and despite our best efforts to ignore it, it was continuing to grow.

Even tonight, when I should have been focused on him and enjoying our time together, I was too busy worrying about Gray and Calla to give him much thought.

I gave him my best fake smile and tucked my hand into his. “I’m sorry. I’m just trying to keep an eye on Calla.”

“Right,” he scoffed, pulling his hand away. He paused, letting out a long exhale before meeting my eyes again. “I don’t think I can do this anymore, Devy.”

“Don’t call me that,” I snapped, hating how it sounded coming from his lips. It sounded juvenile, like he was talking to a child instead of his girlfriend.

“That’s exactly the point.” He nodded across the arcade again, where Calla and Gray had moved to a new game. “You have no problem whenhecalls you Devy, but when I do it? You hate it.”

“It’s our thing,” I tried to explain, but the words felt hollow. He was right; Gray was the only one I let call me that. And because he was the one who started it, it felt like it was something special between us, something Wade couldn’t replicate, no matter how hard he tried.

“And that’s the problem, Devyn.” Wade sighed. “Whenwe first started hanging out, I thought I could handle the whole you and Gray thing. I knew I’d never be your first choice, but I was here, and I liked you, wanted to give you the world.” He shook his head, “But it’s never going to be enough, not while Gray’s around.”

“He’s my best friend,” I bit out defensively. “I’ve told you that so many times.”

“I keep waiting for you to really mean it,” Wade bit back. As if taken aback by his tone, he sank back in his seat and shook his head. “I’m sorry, Devyn, but I want to be with someone who seesme, who putsmefirst. Maybe you’re just friends with Gray, but he’s always going to come first. No one else has a chance.”

“He’s my best friend,” I repeated, but this time, my words were weak, lacking the force I usually put behind them. That simple label would never be enough to describe our relationship. Yes, Gray was my best friend, but he was also so much more. He was the voice in the back of my mind, the person I turned to whenever my world got too heavy. He was the first person I’d call with good news, bad news, and everything in between.

And while I loved him as a friend, there was a part of me that wanted so much more. For a long time, I could pretend it was nothing more than a crush. Objectively speaking, Gray was one of the most attractive guys I’d ever met. Of course, I’d notice that. But lately, it had shifted, no longer feeling so innocent. This light-hearted crush was harder to ignore, shifting from a slight ripple to a tidal wave, threatening to pull me under whenever we were in the same room.

Guilt threatened to consume me, and I hated myself for letting myself get carried away. Not only did I have a boyfriend I cared about, but Gray was officially datingCalla now. She’d come to me months ago and said they had gotten close, wanted to know if I’d be okay if they went out on a date. Of course I said yes. I just hadn’t expected it to feel like my heart was being ripped out whenever I saw them together.

I looked down at my hands, toying with the small silver ring on my thumb. “I’m sorry, Wade. I never meant to hurt you.”

He smiled sadly at me. “I know, Devy. I was willing to fight for you when I thought there was a chance, but there isn’t, is there?”

I stared into his hurt expression, wishing more than anything I could give him what he wanted. Wade was a good guy—one of the best—the kind of guy I should want to be with, the kind who looked perfect on paper.

But there was no spark between us, nothing like the fever that overcame me every time Gray smiled in my direction. While Wade made me feel safe and comforted, Gray set my whole soul on fire. As much as I wanted to settle for less than that, I knew I couldn’t.

“That’s what I thought. I’m going to head out.” Wade stood and turned to leave before looking back at me. “You should talk to him about this, Devyn. Think he’d want to know.” He chuckled dryly to himself. “And now that we’re broken up, maybe he’ll stop trying to kick my ass.”

I stared at him. “Why would he do that?”

“We both know the answer to that,” Wade chuckled. He squeezed my shoulder. “Tell him, Devyn. Before it’s too late.”

As Wade walked out of the arcade, I sat back in the booth, dragging my hands over my face as a ringing echoed in my ears. The rest of the arcade faded away, leaving me alone with my racing pulse. That was it. Wade and I wereover. And even though I knew it was coming, that it was best for both of us, I still hated this lingering ache in my chest. It wasn’t quite heartbreak—not that I knew what that felt like—but it was more like guilt, guilt for hurting someone I cared about, even if I never meant to.

I pushed a breath through my lips, forcing myself to sit up before anyone noticed me. In a place this small, gossip always traveled fast, and I didn’t want to be the talk of the town over breakfast tomorrow.

As I grabbed my purse and ran my fingers under my dry eyes, I felt something else slide in next to my guilt. Relief. God, did that make me a shitty person? That I was almost relieved my relationship was over when I should have been devastated?

My relief had nothing to do with Wade. He wasn’t a bad guy, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t fall for him. I didn’t think I’d ever forget his face when he told me he loved me for the first time and I couldn’t say it back. Ishouldhave loved him. Wade said everything right and did all the right things. But no matter how much I cared about him, I couldn’t bring myself to say the words.

I looked over my shoulder, watching Calla and Gray joke as they moved between games. They had an ease between them, one Wade and I never seemed to have, even when we were good. That was what they both deserved. My sister was the kindest person I’d ever met. She deserved to be loved by someone like Gray—two people who loved with their whole chest, unlike me.

That last thought struck a bolt of pain in my chest; I was unsure if I’d ever be able to love someone like that. I had barely said the words to anyone but Calla in years, unable to bring myself to open up. Not when my life was surrounded by people who always wanted something from me, whowanted to shape me in their image. Maybe it was a side effect of my mother’s toxic, loveless marriage. Watching her wither away in David’s shadow had already jaded me to most relationships, but maybe I’d sealed my heart off more than I thought.

With one last look at my sister smiling brightly at Gray, I turned to the door, needing to get away from here. I couldn’t go home, not while David was staying at the hotel for the weekend. It was hard enough living with him during the school year, but these summer months were supposed to be our safe place. Now, he’d invaded it, making himself all too comfortable in our home.

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