Page 31 of Cautious

“Come on, let’s get you home.” I tug her toward my car. Once I have the passenger door open, I lift her inside, all without her making a peep.

She doesn’t speak until I’m buckled in and pulling out of the driveway. “I thought you were going to give me some space.” Her voice is quiet and lacking its usual warmth.

“You were the one who wanted space, but I never agreed to that. Call me a dick, throw something at me, but don’t ask me tostay away from you. I feel you pulling away. If I give you space, I might never get you back.”

I might not be ready to analyze our relationship, but I know I’m in too deep to let her go. She’s dug her way under my skin and if I want to keep her there, I need to give a little more than what I’ve been taking. So, I start talking, surprising us both.

“The six of us were as close as brothers,” I begin, making her turn to look at me. I can feel her staring at my profile as I focus on the road, silently urging me to go on.

“It was our second tour. We were in an area that had been deemed safe, delivering medical and food supplies to one of the hospitals. We had been there a few times and there was this little boy, Malik, who I took a shine to. He was four years old and missing his left leg and right arm below the elbow, thanks to a landmine.”

“Oh god,” she whispers, reaching for my hand, linking our fingers together.

“I remember that day. It was a billion degrees. I’d been bitching about the heat and the sand all morning. Benny shoved me out of the Humvee with the first box of supplies, telling me to suck it up, buttercup. I flipped him off and dropped off the supplies but stopped in to see Malik before collecting any more. It’s what saved my life.”

Her hand squeezes mine tightly at that, but I carry on, forcing the words out before they become stuck in my throat.

“Insurgents came out of nowhere and opened fire, took out the Humvee and half the hospital with an RPG. I grabbed Malik and the four other kids in the room and hid in the storage cellar beneath the ground. Every fiber of me wanted to go help my brothers. I could hear the gunfire, telling me they were fighting back despite being outnumbered, but I couldn’t leave the babies unprotected.”

I turn to look at her with haunted eyes and see she has tears streaming down her face. “Oh god, Blake, I’m so sorry.”

I squeeze her hand and pull over to the side of the road, switching off the engine while I stare blankly ahead and finish my story.

“I listened as the gunfire grew less and less until there was nothing left but silence. I knew... I knew they were gone; everyone was dead, and I left them there. I’d left them to die. I could smell the blood in the air before I ever saw them. If I had?—”

Callie cuts me off, unclipping her seatbelt and climbing into my lap. She grabs my face with both hands, her wet eyes staring into mine, forcing me to hear her words.

“It was not your fault,” she whispers, her breath skating over my skin.

“If I had fought with them?—”

She kisses me hard, shutting me up, before pulling back. “You’d be dead. Malik would be dead, and so would those babies you saved. You’re not God, Blake. You can’t save the world. But you are a hero to those kids you saved, and your teammates who fought so valiantly would be so fucking proud of you. You mar their memory by wearing a guilt that’s not yours to carry. And if they were anything like you, they would kick your ass for blaming yourself,” she tells me, making me laugh through my tears.

“Thank you,” I whisper. I feel like a little of the weight has been lifted from my shoulders. It will take more than her words to get my head on straight, but knowing she isn’t casting blame on me or looking at me in disgust helps.

And she’s right. They would be so pissed at me right now.

“Thank you for sharing with me.” She kisses me softly. I grip her tightly, pouring every ounce of gratitude into it and leaving us both breathless.

“I really am sorry about earlier. My mouth tends to run away with me. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I know. Lucky for me, your runaway mouth is good at many other things, too.” She smiles against my lips.

“Oh really, and what might they be?” I query as she laughs and climbs back into the passenger seat.

“Oh, you know, the usual voodoo kisses and eating my cookie,” she casually throws out.

I bark out a surprised laugh, the tension and melancholy mood breaking around us.

“Will you forgive me if I promise to show you exactly what this mouth can do?” I ask with a smile, pulling back onto the quiet street.

“Hmm… that is a very tempting offer.” She pretends to contemplate it for a minute, tapping her thumb against her jaw before smiling. “Fine. I accept these terms.”

I reach over and snag her hand again and place it on my thigh, needing to feel her touch.

We sit quietly for a little while, listening to the radio play country music in the background before she speaks again.

“I get that you were only trying to help me, but you have no idea what happened, and I really don’t want to keep having this conversation with you until I’m ready. Can we just save it for now?”

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