Page 30 of Her Bossy Daddy

Lacey’s thrown herself into a full-blown panic attack. I couldn’t figure out what headspace she was in earlier, and I feared it was partly my fault for not knowing. She hadn’t been forthcoming with everything, but I should’ve recognized the pushback for what it was. Insecurity in either our relationship or internal issues and they troubled her both the same. I folded down the lip of a small paper bag and placed it over her nose and mouth.

“Breathe into the bag, love. Nice, even breaths.” I checked her pulse with my free hand, but it was not much better than it had been a few minutes ago.

“This isn’t working.” She handed the bag back to me. “I can’t breathe!”

If Lacey couldn’t breathe an ambulance would already be on the way. Talking meant she could breathe, but I’d seen enough anxiety attacks over the years to understand how scary the moment could be. The panic was real, and the attack threw your body into a bad state, mentally and physically.

“It’s all right. Let me breathe for you.” I pinched her nose and then covered her mouth with mine. I breathed in and out, similar to what I’d been trying to get her to do with the bag. Her pulse slowed went back to normal, and after a few more minutes her body fully relaxed. I pulled back from her face and wiped away tears. “You’re fine, love.”

“I’m far away from fine. You’re mad at me, and I just keep pushing for attention.”

“I thought I’d have figured out everything by now, but I haven’t. I’ve handled every situation, and I thought we were all right, but this isn’t anything like I expected. Doing this in person is much different. I adore and love you very much, but I’m questioning a lot of things.”

“Are you questioning us?”

“No, love. Not at all.” I pressed a kiss to her forehead. “We still have to work out the kinks. It’s not going to be all butterflies and roses, right?”

“You’re still mad at me though because I fucked it all up.”

“Please listen to what I’m saying, Lacey.” I wrapped an arm around her waist. “Relationships take a lot of work. We have run into these sort of things before, but we’ve always managed to persevere. Do you remember when you broke up with me six months ago?”

“Of course I remember. It was the best solution I could think of at the time. Looking back, it was stupid of me. Thanks for reminding me.”

“Jesus, you’re thick tonight. No, you weren’t being stupid.” I ran my hand through her hair, untangling little knots while gathering my thoughts. “We’d had a misunderstanding and you ended everything, but then what happened?”

“I realized I was stupid.”

“No, love.” I inhaled deeply, and let it out slowly. She tried my last nerve, but I found a reserve of patience and tapped into it. “You called me, and we talked through it, right? We got back together shortly after.”

“Like I said, stupid with a capital ‘S.’”

“What are you pushing for right now? It sounds like you want me to punish you so you can feel better, but fifteen minutes ago you fought every step of the correction. Use your words. Tell me what your angle is.”

“Just bring me home as you said you would, then you won’t have to worry about whatever the problem is.”

“Well, em, I’ve lost my keys somewhere, so you’re stuck here. What are you pushing for?”

“I’m not ready to tell you everything that has been bothering me. I don’t have the energy to explain it all. Can we just snuggle on the couch and watch a show? Then I’ll go to bed.”

“All right, we can do that, but in the morning I want you to write me a letter. Whatever has been on your mind. You don’t need to show me yet if you’re not ready, but I expect to see a full envelope after you’ve had coffee, right?”

“Yes, Sir.” Lacey kissed my lips. “Thank you for being so wonderful. I had a lot of fun today. I’m not purposefully trying to be difficult.” Her lip trembled as she spoke, and it tugged at my heartstrings. I wish I knew how to navigate around her needs better.

“I know.” I kissed her forehead, and we both got up. “Let’s go watch something, and then I’ll carry you to bed.” Her eyes sparkled at the idea and she nodded. At the very least she trusted me for my word. We still had lot to balance, but we were getting on the same path. For now.

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