Page 5 of Reverse

November 9, 2010, 9:00 p.m.

I know why you didn’t answer. I’m so sorry for anything those headlines might have made you feel. Running into Reid was completely unexpected. I don’t know if you want a single detail. I know I wouldn’t, but please know it wasn’t planned. I’m sure you will tell me not to feel guilty, but I fucking do. It hurts me so much to know you were probably blindsided by that picture. Please believe I don’t want any tension or resentment between us, but the sinking feeling inside me tells me it’s unavoidable. Nate, this is the first time in my life that I hate my profession and journalism as a whole. I never wanted to become any part of a headline, let alone one that could damage the two of us.

I’m sorry. I miss hearing from you and wish you would or felt like you could still talk to me.

Love,

Stella

Scrambling, I look up the headlines for November 9, 2010, and see a candid picture of Stella and Reid, tucked away and kissing on a side street in Seattle—and it’s no PG kiss. Not even close. Obviously, they thought they were hidden from view. The article goes on to identify Stella and speculate what this could mean for the Dead Sergeants’ notoriously single drummer. My heart sinks as I read my father’s reply.

Nate Butler

Re: Subject: I’m sorry

November 10,2010, 3:00 a.m.

Don’t be. Texas is no longer your home, and it’s evident. You’re making another life. I think we’ve always known what that would eventually include. Please don’t let your worry for me overshadow your happiness.

Always

Nate Butler

Editor in Chief, Austin Speak

According to the time stamp, he replied to her at three a.m. from his office. A vision of my dad sitting alone behind his desk while staring at the picture pops into my head as a burn begins in my throat. I can only imagine what he must have felt as he tried to devise the right response for her. In the end, even though I’m sure he felt destroyed, he took the high road and, not only that, attempted to relieve her of the burden.

Stella Emerson

Subject: Headlines

December 13, 2010, 7:00 p.m.

Nate,

We’re engaged, and it’s going to print tomorrow. I didn’t want you to hear it from anyone else but me. I wish things were different. I wish I still felt like I have the right to know you—and a large part of me is breaking right now knowing I’ve lost that right. I’m still going to make the case that I loathe that it’s happening and always will.

Love,

Stella

Nate Butler

RE: Subject: Headlines

December 14, 2010, 1:02 a.m.

Stella,

Have you forgotten all I’ve taught you? Any worthy newsman is aware of a national headline before the ink is laid. All I’ve ever wanted or will ever want for you is your happiness. Your engagement is already scheduled to print on page one in Austin Speak tomorrow. Congratulations.

Out of respect for your choice and for myself, this is goodbye, Stella.

Be happy.

Always,

Nate Butler

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