“No more bullshit,” she reminds me, warily eyeing Dad as he approaches.
“It will be,” I assure. In reply, she dips her chin noncommittally. Dad reaches us at the end of the walk before wordlessly and gently ushering Mom into the car. Hoping to create a small window of truce for tonight, for both their sakes, I speak up.
“Hey, Daddy?”
Dad tenses before dismissing the driver, who’s patiently holding the open door of the limo. When the driver’s out of earshot and Dad finally lifts his violet-blue eyes to mine, I find myself on the receiving end of a tattered stare. Inside it, it’s all there—the anger, the hurt, the betrayal, and the toll it’s taking.
“I just wanted to say congratulations,” I continue, “in case I didn’t get a chance to later.” He gives me a brief dip of his chin and stands in expectation, refusing to see all I’ve done to resume the role of the responsible adult he raised. Even as he stands impatiently waiting for me to join my mother in the car, I soak in his expression, knowing that no matter how much he’s accomplished or how well pleased he is by the occasion, I might have ruined this milestone for him.
“Daddy, I-I’m sorry I hurt you,” I stutter out sincerely. His expression falters slightly before his eyes glaze over.
Now is not the time, Natalie.
“Okay. That’s all I wanted to say.” Unable to handle any more of his disappointment, I slide into the long leather bench seat opposite Mom. Averting my eyes from hers, I opt to stare out of the window as Dad slides in beside her. Within a minute of the car speeding toward the downtown hotel, a motor whirs, and I glance over to see my mother closing the privacy partition before addressing both of us.
“Okay, enough is fucking enough. I don’t care what occasion this is, Nate. Your daughter is hurting, you’re hurting, and you’re hurtingher, and if you continue to ignore her pain, you won’t forgive yourself, and I won’t forgive you either. Look at her, damnit!”
“Mom—” I say, as Dad bites out at the same time.
“Addie, now is not the time.”
Clearing his throat, he unbuttons his jacket as Mom turns to him, digging her heels in.
“It’s the perfect time,” she snaps. “How in the hell are we supposed to celebrate anything as afamilywhen we have this much space between us? A space you continue to add to every time you ignore her pain for yours.”
Dad bites his lower lip as Mom turns and commands my attention.
“Look at me, Natalie.”
Eyes stinging, I look over to my mother. “Your father and I are okay, and we will continue to be okay. We’ve been through a lot. That’s marriage, but this . . .” she gestures between us, “this is unacceptable.”
Dad stares out the window, his frame vibrating with emotion before she speaks again. “Have I ever told you what your father said the minute I placed you in his arms?”
She doesn’t wait for me to answer as Dad rasps out a low, “Addie.”
“He said, ‘I’ve found the perfect love.’”
A strangled noise escapes Dad as his eyes redden, and I cup a hand over my mouth. She turns back to Dad, addressing him as if they’re alone.
“What in the hell are you doing, Nate?” Her voice shakes with emotion. “I did my part, but you’ve been molding our little girl since the first minute you held her, shaping her into a tiny replica of you. She’s just as willful and intelligent and loves just as fiercely as you do.” Dad grips his knees, his knuckles whitening. “But the more you punish her,” my mother urges, “the harder you make it for her to believe thatIcome insecond.”
Dad whips his head toward her as she grips his hand and runs her finger over his wedding ring, “But only toyour daughter.”
Raw ache seeps through his gaze as he looks over at her, and she speaks up in a plea for both of us. “Look at her, Nate.”
Dad’s watery eyes drift to mine. “That baby needs you right now.” His expression falters as a fast tear forms and falls, trailing slowly down his cheek. My own tears begin to blind me. “She needs you more than ever, and you’re hurting her. So, I’m asking you, again, what the hell are you doing, Nate?”
Dad’s expression crumbles as I bury my head in my hands and let out a guttural cry. In the next second, I’m whisked into his arms as he encases me fully. His love surrounds me as I shake with grief, completely overwhelmed while he holds me to his chest.
“Daddy,” I croak, just as he does.
“I’m sorry, too. I’m so sorry, Natalie,” he rasps out. “You’re my life, and there’s nothing,nothing,on this earth you could do that could erase an ounce of my love for you.”
Doing my best to catch my sobs, I fail when I feel my mother’s palm run down my back as Dad continues to whisper to me. “I’m sorry I’ve been such a bastard. It ends now.” I feel him shift his focus to Mom. “I’m sorry, baby.”
I continue to cry in his arms as he speaks to me in broken whispers. “I just . . . I thought we were closer than that.”
“We were, we are,” I croak.