Page 36 of Dollface

“This way, Mr. Whiskers. It seems a bigger needle is needed to fix this mess,” her voice trails up the stairs as the sound of a door opens then closes, her footsteps quickly fading away.She’s heading into the basement.I quietly descend the stairs, purposely avoiding the known squeaky steps, and step onto the first floor. I need to be careful, to avoid her hearing me coming.

Kill the doll.

It’s all I hear in my head, the voice sounding like Havoc’s, but it’s not. It’s a morphed, tainted with a ghastly voice that I both know yet can’t pinpoint. All I know is, the command is more than a command. It’s as though my body is out of my control, like I’m watching myself head to the basement from outside of my body and am physically unable to stop myself. A shell.

Kill the doll.

I hush my feet, patiently moving to the old basement door, twisting the brass knob as I gently swing it open, only a faint creak coming from the hinges. The stairs are dark, a flickering light dances at the bottom.

There you are.

The trance haunting my mind carries me deeper, the door silently shutting behind me as I walk further, stepping into the ominent space. The sound of her shuffling around as she talks to her stuffed rodent drowns out the small sounds of the creaking staircase as I finally step onto the basement floor and see her. She’s scurrying around with a single lit candle, searching shelves of stuffed animals and jars, brushing aside odd taxidermy tools and dust while murmuring to herself and that stupid rat—completely unaware of her surroundings. I quietly approach the long wooden table, noticing her rodent, its arm hanging loosely from its body. She must be down here in hopes of repairing that stupid fucking rat. A soft chuckle escapes me, and it’s so effortless, unlike anything I’ve felt since being in the treehouse with Havoc. I can’t help it though, the ridiculous amount of fondness she has for that dead thing is... adorable.

Blue whirls around, surprised to see me, her candle flickering as she remains frozen, taken back by my appearance in my suit. “F-Firefly?” she whimpers, unsure of how to feel. Her eyes fall to my hand, watching as I squeeze my knife tight. “W-what’re you doing?”

I tilt my head, my mind stuck in a loop of the same command, consuming my being:Kill the doll. I step toward her, a rumble vibrating in my chest as I prepare my stance, ready to strike. Something deep inside my soul starts to pound against my chest, fighting my motions.

Kill the doll.

This isn’t right. I don’t want to do this. I can’t do this.

“Firefly,” she softly cries, and she must realize what I’m about to do, as the color drains from her beautiful face.

Blue steps back, her hand shaking as it holds the candle, causing the flame to quiver as shadows jolt around us, her eyes searching for a way out. There is none, as I purposely positioned my body and blocked her way to the basement door. “T-this isn’tyou.” Her words tremble. I raise my knife, pointing it directly at her, a voice whispering around in my head as my own suddenly appears, telling it to stop.

Kill the doll. Kill the doll!

No, don’t listen. Don’t do this. You can’t do this to her!

My neck jerks as I twitch, trying to force them both aside and focus. “Please,” she cries, fear and betrayal soaking her voice, it’s a vice around my heart. “Don’t do this.”

The voices grow louder, arguing in my ears as I struggle to concentrate, groaning as my head is consumed with pain. “I-I don’t have a choice,” I grunt, my eyes beginning to burn, my face on fire from the mental war raging inside my brain. I rip my mask from my head, the instant relief of cold air hitting my face as I inhale, breathing it in. Sweat rolls down my face as I stare at her, my arm now trembling as I begin to realize what’s happening. I glare at my hand, still holding my knife out and tremble at the reality.

This isn’t me.

“S-she got to me,” I whisper in astonishment. “She’s got to me, Blue. And I-I can’t stop her.” Hissing scratches my brain as I toss my head around, groaning aloud, struggling to hear Blue’s words through the voices.

“Firefly... ” She sets the candle down, stepping in my direction.

“Stay back!” I lunge without thought, barely missing her. “Don’t come any closer, Blue! I-I can’t stop myself.” My words are drenched in absolute torment. My body is shaking; all I want is to run away from her and yet my body refuses to move. All I can do is continue to fight to stand still, a fight that I’m quickly losing.

“Listen to me, Firefly. This isn’t you. You wouldn’t hurt me.”

“Wouldn’t I?” I strain, my body moving closer to her despite my protest. “I’m the Boogeyman, remember? I kill people.Creations.”Kill the doll. My head burns, aching from fighting her voice. “Her claws are here,” I tap at my temple. “They’re in my brain, her needles sinking into me, tearing it apart. I-I can’t stop her, Blue.” A tear, something I haven’t experienced since the night the Creator forced herself on me, rolls down my cheek.

“She can’t control you anymore, Firefly. You’re free.” She steps closer, risking her safety to comfort me.

Fucking Christ, Blue. Please stop. Please stop moving toward me. Run the other way.I don’t deserve her love. I don’t deserve her devotion, her trust... I don’t deserve her.

“Stop,” I plead, fighting with all my strength. “She’s going to make me kill you. I don’t want to but... I-I have no control. Please, I don’t want to do this. Please...” She ignores my desperate warning, moving closer. My arm tenses, swinging a second time without my control, my knife slicing Blue’s arm. She gasps, grabbing her flesh as blood begins to seep down her skin. “Blue!” I cry out, reaching for her, watching as she stumbles back away from me, the look of pure terror on her face... this moment will be what haunts my nightmares until my heart stops. If there is a hell beyond this one, her look of betrayal will be on a constant loop, driving my soul mad for all eternity.

She glances up at me, gripping her arm, her eyes filled with terror and brimming with tears. “I’m so sorry,” I choke out. Seeing her hurt, by me—terrified—it’s my breaking point. It shatters something inside me, freeing me from whatever trance had haunted me as I’m suddenly able to take a breath on my own.

My heart jolts at the sight of Blue before me. Whatever hold or spell the Spinster had over me, is ripped away as I fall to my knees, dropping my knife at Blue’s feet. It’s an instant relief, feeling her vanish from my being. My body feels lighter, darkness clearing from my heart and leaving nothing but fear behind.She was able to reach me.

“Forgive me,” I whisper, dropping my head in absolute shame for what I’ve done to Blue. “I’m weak.” The truth falls from my lips, taking the air from my lungs as I remain there, humbled by the realization that even here, in Nightmare, I am not out of her grasp. She can always find me. There’s no winning the game, and she knows it. She knew I’d never win and yet still toyed with me, all these years, playing me like the fool I was.

Blue’s hand touches my chin, raising it as I look up at her, my eyes stinging from regret and hatred for myself. For hurting her. “Firefly,” she says my name with absolute innocence and serenity, her voice like an angel pulling me from the darkness. I’m unworthy; she should turn and leave me in this darkness. I am no Firefly. That man is nothing but a fantasy.

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