Page 9 of Baby on Board

“Did you talk to Scarlett today about being the Godmother?” Rafe asks while slinging a knife around like a master chef.

“She said yes. What about Jacob?”

“He pretty much said if it gets him a spot next to your pretty friend at the christening, he’s in for Godfather.”

I laugh. “Scarlett would die to hear that. She thinks Jacob is too much man for her.”

Rafe throws a kitchen towel over his shoulder and approaches me. He puts his hands to the couch around me and leans in. I remember when you thought the same about me.” He pecks my cheeks and takes off back to the kitchen area.

“That was before I knew you could cook,” I throw in.

Dinner is ready in half an hour, and I’m starved for it. Rafe has a way of making things just the way I like them, a bit on the dry side with lots of extra spice. I clear my plate quickly, partly because eating for two has turned me into a pig at the table, and somewhat because I can’t wait another second to see what he’s spent the entire day creating.

He’s at my back, his arms reaching around me to the curtain. “You sure you’re ready for this?”

I slap playfully at his arm. “You’ve been making me wait all day. It’s not nice to play with pregnant women.”

“Okay.” he laughs. “But keep in mind anything you don’t like can be changed. I can return it all and start over if I need too.”

“I’m sure I’ll love it. Now, hurry up and show me.” I’m giddy with excitement. Rafe has made this pregnancy something to be happy about. He’s bought clothing and diapers for after he/she is born. He’s researched the best bottles and how to swaddle, and even checked out pediatricians in the area. I can tell by the searches on his phone every time I borrow it after I’ve killed my battery doing the same.

“Okay,” he says, and his arms pull back. The curtain slides to the side, and my next breath freezes in my chest.

An assortment of animals in muted shades of yellows, pinks, and blues parade along the back wall and match the zoo of creatures hanging from a mobile over a crisp white crib. Rafe added a crib sheet and small area rug in the same yellow as the curtain and a gliding chair covered in a fabric that matches the parading animals.

I can’t catch my breath, and I’m not sure why. My chest hurts, and I clutch my hand over it and bend forward. The nursery is perfect. It’s precisely how I would have decorated one in my own apartment if I’d been able to stay. But something is wrong. Something I can’t put my finger on, but it’s making my heart race and my knees weak.

“Jade.” I hear the concern in Rafe’s voice, and it cuts me. I want to tell him what a wonderful job he’s done. I want to give him the praise I know he’s waiting for, but the words won’t come. “Sit down, Princess.” He leads me to the glider, and I sink into the chair. “Jade? What’s the matter? Is it the baby?”

“No,” I manage through my tight chest. “It isn’t the baby.” It’s me. It’s all hitting me at once, and I can’t breathe from it.

I don’t know this man. He’s opened his home to me, put a ring on my finger, created the most fantastic nursery I’m sure any studio apartment in NYC has ever seen, but I don’t know him. Not enough to raise a kid with anyway. My parents were together for years before they had me, and they didn’t last until my fifth birthday. Rafe hasn’t talked much about his past, but I know from what he hasn’t said his mom wasn’t a part of his life.

“What are we doing?” I mouth.

Rafe is on his knees in front of me. He’s holding my hand in my lap, and his eyes are watching mine unyieldingly. I’m trapped. Oh, so trapped. I want to run. I don’t need anything from Rafe’s apartment except my clothes and money, what there is of it. But then I look at Rafe and see the concern in his eyes and I want to hold him and tell him everything is fine.

I’m so conflicted, and my heart is pounding against my ribs so steadily I’m afraid it might break one.

“I need air,” I finally squeak out.

“I’ll open and window.” Rafe moves to the row of floor to ceiling windows along the far wall, and I take my first deep breath in minutes. “Jade, you’re scaring me. Is something wrong? Do we need to go to the hospital?”

I force myself to smile at him even though I know it’s a weak effort, and he sees it. “I’m fine. Just a little anxiety. That’s all.”

“Anxiety?” he repeats, and he’s back on his knees in front of me, and I can’t breathe again.

What the hell am I going to do? Baby X is due in a month, and I’m suddenly scared to death I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life marrying this man.

How do I tell Rafe I can’t be married to him anymore without breaking his heart?

Rafe

I’m so fucking confused I can’t think straight. Five minutes ago we were eating dinner and laughing at crazy baby name’s Jade had looked up online, and now she’s hyperventilating and looks scared to death I’ll touch her.

Over the last few weeks, Jade has become my world. My reason for living. My everything. I haven’t needed sleep or food or even beer to keep going day in and day out with extra shifts and putting in double time at the bar because I’ve been driven by her.

Did I miss something in the time I was away working? Did I fuck something up so royally she’s scared to be touched by me?

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