Page 39 of Derick

I hated that my stutter was back. I usually didn’t have one with Toby. Ha, I almost let a laugh free at what I realized. I wondered if my stutter had to do with how comfortable and safe I felt with a person.

“Yeah, right,” Toby scoffed. “Those romance books you read have come to bite you on your arse.”

“I don’t know, Tobs. They’re th…the sweetest people I’ve e…ever m…met. I don’t get the sick feeling I h…have around the gan?—”

“Not a gang, Ruby rare, it’s a club.”

I hated it when he corrected me about the gang our father was in. Waving what he was saying off, I continued. “I like the Silverman family. They tr…treat me like I’m someone. They know I’m no…nothing like him.” I didn’t hold back the bitterness in my voice when I talked about our father. “I’m nothing like any o…of them. I never will be.” I was shouting now, letting my anger and frustration out. I was sick of holding it all in. My therapist said I shouldn’t keep my feelings switched off or what I’d been through bottled up. “Why? Why, Toby?” I went to him and pushed him on his chest with all my might, but he was solid and didn’t budge. “Why didn’t you help me get away and hide?”

He backed up, and a look I’d never seen came over his face. He darted his gaze around to see that the McDonald’s was pretty much empty and only the bodyguards were close. Most of the customers had left. I had a feeling that more guards were around than I thought, and the McDonald’s was emptying because of them.

Toby’s eyes became haunted, and it seemed like his thoughts were far away. The corners of his eyes crinkled, and his lips thinned so much I couldn’t really see them. His big body was stoic, and he opened his mouth once, twice, and then closed his eyes. “I…” His eyes snapped open, but he tried to avoid my gaze. “I’ve been selfish. I...I’ve been expecting this…” Toby turned his back on me for a moment before turning back and looking me straight in the eyes. “I should have gotten you away long before what happened with Hope, but…” He blinked a couple of times, and I didn’t miss how hard it was for him to keep his gaze on me. He closed his eyes again. “I needed you.” His eyes fluttered open, and he scrubbed his face with his hand. “I needed you.” Herepeated it like he had to make it clear. “You kept me sane. You kept me from becoming like them.”

My heart felt like it had just been ripped from my chest, stomped on, and then put back into my body. “Oh Tobs, y…you’ve never been anything li…like them.” I knew he was talking about our father and his gang, and I fought to hold in a sob as I let the tears slide down my cheeks.

His chest rose and his whole body shook. For the first time ever, it looked like my brother was scared. “I’ve done things, to keep you safe… No, I…” He shook his head as if he were clearing it. “When you were born, my whole world changed. Your mother wasn’t always the drugged-out club girl she became. Our dad and my mother turned her into what she is now.” The faraway look came into his gaze again. He moved closer to me. “Your mother was kind of my nanny at first, and until she fell pregnant with you, she was nice and treated me like the mother I always dreamed of. She kept it together while she was pregnant and begged me to keep you safe the day she went into labor.” He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around me. “I was ten, but as soon as I saw you, I knew you would be the best thing to ever happen to me.” He bopped my nose, like he used to do before I told him off when I became a teen. “I never got close to the others.” I knew he was talking about the other brothers and sisters we have. He squeezed me tighter and kissed my forehead. “I didn’t dare get close to any others, because I am only one man. My power is, and has always been, limited. I did what I could for you, but I was a kid myself, Ruby.” His chuckle was hollow. “I chose your name, you know. From the moment I laid eyes on you and your mother placed you in my arms, I just knew you were a precious jewel, and my favorite is ruby. You are my Ruby rare.”

Tears fell from my eyes and slid down my cheeks. I didn’t brush them away. I was shocked by what I’d just learned. Whyhad I never asked before? Why hadn’t he told me? “I…I always thought…my…m... mum hated me.”

Toby brushed the wetness from my cheeks. “She got postpartum depression I think, and then my mother found out about you, got jealous like she does, and started your mum on the drugs. She just got worse from then on, and when our dad lost interest, your mum lost herself completely. By then you were a toddler, and I hid you the best I could.” He scrubbed his face. “As soon as I turned eighteen, I got you out of the compound. I thought you were safe. Hidden. When ‘he’ sent me on a trip, I didn’t think ‘he’ would do what ‘he’ did.”

A tear slid down his cheek and fell onto his chest, and I gasped at the sight. I’d never seen my brother cry. Toby’s hold on me tightened so much I knew I’d have bruises, but I didn’t care. I wanted to find out more. I needed to. The bitterness in his voice was sharp every time he referred to our father as ‘he’.

“I didn’t think ‘he’ knew you were helping the girls escape. If I’d known, I would never have left. I should have stopped yo?—”

“No. You did th…the right thing. I…I don’t regret h…helping anyone. I would do it all the s…same if it helped those g…girls again.” I kissed his cheek. “Well, maybe I would do s…some things different. A…as for what happened for m…me to have Hope, I don’t know if I could ev…ever live through th…that again, but Hope is the best thing to ev…ever happen to me. For the lon…longest tt…time Hope was the reason I got out of bbb…bed in the morning. The reason I ch…choose to live and see the positive in everything I…I could.”

I kissed his cheek again and hugged him tightly.

“I’m sorry. I sh…shouldn’t have blamed you. You were just a k…kid. It was nev...never your f…fault.” I eased away. “I know I’ve r…rushed in with Derick and his ff…family, but this is right. I feel it here.” I pointed to my heart. “I feel tr…truly safe for the first time in my life. I sleep all nnn…night long, and it’s properREM sleep.” I nodded like one of those dashboard bobbleheads, and I knew I was smiling. I didn’t even know what REM sleep was before my therapist had explained it to me when I told her I’d never felt so rested. I wanted—no, needed Toby to know how good I felt. “I…I didn’t know what sleep w…was until I moved here. I mean, Hope and I are…are, lll…looked after better than ever. You just need to gaze around t…to see the security to see that.”

“I worry about you. The Silverman family doesn’t like us, and I don’t blame them, Ruby rare. I just don’t want you to get hurt.” He tucked some of my hair behind my ear.

“I don’t want to get hur…hurt either.”

My brother loved me. I knew now how I felt about my brother. What Dr. Heather had asked me to think about became clear. I needed to process my feelings instead of keeping them bottled up, and there are always ‘what ifs’ and I need to focus on moving on and live in the now.

“When you m…meet Derick and see how he tr…treats not just Hope but me too, I promise you won’t worry any…anymore.”

He studied me, bopped my nose again, and tugged on my hair. “I like the different blues. When did you get this done?” He played with strands of my hair. I relaxed, knowing our big talk was over and we were still good.

“I will never have his hair ever again. I dd…did it the day after we arrived at the s…safe house.” I growled, angry at just the thought of having anything the same as my dickhead father. I could be angry now. I always had to be careful with what I gave away, but now I was free and could let whatever I felt or wanted to say free.

“I understand, Ruby rare. I wish I’d known before now, but I’m not leaving you until I meet him, and know you’re safe where you’re staying.”

I didn’t even bother arguing. After what I’d learned, I knew Toby needed me just as much as I needed him.

Derick

I was behindwith my university work. My name gave me leeway, but I knew that even that wouldn’t get me out of the shithole I’d dug if I didn’t catch up on work. I’d been at the top of my class, and I’d never missed a lecture before I’d met Ruby. Now all I wanted to do was spend time with her and my daughter. I now understood why the men in my family were so possessive and never wanted to be apart from their woman.

Ruby was meeting with her brother today and had begged me to let her go by herself. I’d wanted to be there when she saw her brother again, not just to meet him, but to keep her safe. I knew she said her brother kept her safe, but if he’d really done the job right, Ruby wouldn’t have had Hope or been through even half the things she had. I’d given in as she promised to take security and have at least one with her all the time.

I couldn’t concentrate on my work. I’d tried reading, doing an assignment, and even talking to one of my lecturers, but all I could think of was Ruby. I worried about how their first face-to-face was going since SWAT had raided their father’s clubhouse and how Toby was taking Ruby moving in with my family, not to even mention the news that we were now engaged.

“Derick, honey?”

I turned from staring at my laptop to my mother. Living with my parents again wasn’t something I ever thought I would do. Not because I didn’t love them, but because I wanted to be independent. My parents loved me and had both been amazing,but I’d been ready for some freedom. I’d loved my apartment in the city, but I had to take things slow with Ruby, and even if she hadn’t been through what she had, my apartment wasn’t really kid-friendly, so I’d moved back in with my parents to be close to Ruby. They’d moved to Queensland when my brother and I had moved here for university.

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