Page 30 of Derick

Hope shook her head. “Butts Mummmys, I wants us to plays. Yous nevers plays any mored. Yous bussy.”

Ruby’s whole demeaner changed. Her eyes became dull, almost grey, and I could see the tears filling them. Her mouth wobbled, and she rushed forward. I eased Hope down, and before her feet even touched the ground, Ruby held her in her embrace.

Ruby gave a choked sob. “Baby girl, I’m so sorry.” She caressed Hope’s face and peppered her with kisses. “All you have to do is ask and I promise I will always try to stop what I’m doing so I can be with you.” She kissed Hope on the forehead, lingering for a moment. “Mummy is sorry she’s been so busy lately. How about today, we have a special day, just you and me playing together all day. You can even sleep with Mummy in her bed.” She placed Hope back on the floor.

I opened my mouth to say Ruby was sleeping with me tonight, but she must have eyes in the back of her head, because she stood, and her gaze captured mine, almost like she dared me to contradict her, because if I did, she’d cut off something that I was very fond of. My daughter, though, had my back. She grabbed her mother’s hand, and Ruby looked back at Hope.

“Oktay Mummy, butts will Daddy fits in bed with us, cos isa big girls and yous says I hogs the bed.” I resisted the urge to laugh as she placed her hands on her hips and raised one brow, mimicking her mother moments before.

Before Ruby could deny or try to keep me out, I replied, “The bed is big. I promise we’ll fit, princess.”

Hope studied me and then her mother before she nodded, sighed, and started picking up teddies.

Ruby started tidying too. I debated if I should remind her that we have a cleaner but decided against it. Going to Ruby, I noticed tears were sliding down her cheeks. Gathering her into my embrace, I hugged her, but for the first time ever, she’s stiff in my hold. I hoped we hadn’t just taken ten steps back.

Ruby

I was the worst mother.I was selfish. Right now, I didn’t feel like I deserved my beautiful angel. I loved my daughter. She was usually my whole universe. The last couple of months had been chaos. At the recovery house I still only had Hope. The only time she hadn’t been with me was when she or I spoke to the therapists and counselors. Since moving in with the Silverman family so much had changed.

Hope spent more time away from me than she ever had. For her whole life it had only been me and sometimes my brother. Before moving in with the Silverman family she still slept in the same bed as me. Hope had only started sleeping in a bed of her own in the recovery house, but most nights ended up in bed with me. Now she had her own room.

I thought Hope was enjoying the freedom she was having from me and all the attention she got from everyone else, but I should have known she was missing me. I felt awful for being so caught up with myself. I was too busy making the world revolve around myself, with school and making friends. Guilt assaulted me. I hated being away from her, but I thought she was thriving and needed to be more independent and expand her world, meeting new people.

My heart still hurt from when she’d told me earlier that I didn’t play with her anymore, because it was true. I used to play with Hope all the time: drawing, dolls, having tea parties, and going to the park almost every day to play chase. She loved the park for all the equipment. The slides were her favorite, and she would have me push her for hours on the swings if she could.

This coming week was a big one. Not only was Toby coming home, but it was Hope’s birthday Friday and the teachers were having a strike mid-week. I’d been debating if I should take the day off TAFE, but after what she’d just said there was no doubt I was going to be with her all day on her birthday.

Hope and I were at our favorite park. We’d been here now for almost two hours. I was sure Hope would be hungry soon. We’d cleaned her room up before coming here, and I promised we would have a tea party when we got home. We’d been having a great time. I’d brought a ball, and we’d kicked it back and forth to each other as Hope told me about everything she thought I’d missed, which was what she’d been dreaming about the last couple of nights, and that she was upset with one of Derick’s cousins as he had made one of her daycare teachers cry.

This was Hope’s favorite teacher, and Daddy had to help calm his cousin because he tried to take her over his shoulder away with them when they left. Hope told me about her day when I picked her up from daycare and when she spent the day with Derick’s parents, but she hadn’t gone this in depth, and she definitely didn’t tell me about this incident. I needed to have a chat with Derick and find out why he hadn’t told me about this. I was grateful that the Silvermans owned the daycare and I wouldn’t have to worry about the trouble caused.

“Mummy, higher,” Hope cried as I pushed her on the swing.

I gazed around as tingles traveled up and down my back and the hairs on my skin stood on end. I spotted three bodyguards, but it wasn’t them watching that made me feel uneasy. I hadn’t felt this creepy feeling since the SWAT team had rescued me and Hope. It had been nice feeling safe and comfortable. But now, something didn’t feel right.

I studied my surroundings. On the riding, walking, and jogging paths I saw a flash of black leather jackets, and a stocky build and a shorter, scruffier one. I would know those vestsanywhere. I gazed over to the security and then back to where I saw the leather jackets, but when I looked back no one was there.

Shaking off the unease. I gathered Hope and decided it was time for us to leave. I hoped I was just feeling off because of how guilty I felt about spending less time with Hope and that my father’s gang wasn’t trying to hurt me again.

Derick hadn’t leftmy side since I’d come back from the park unless I went to TAFE. Something was up, and we needed to have a talk. He was missing university, and I didn’t want him to mess with his education. It had been three days since the park, and I kept getting the bad feeling, but now it was only when I was at TAFE. That was the only place I’d left the house for though.

I should have had a talk with Derick sooner, but I was annoyed with myself and still felt guilty over Hope and spending less time with her. She had slept with Derick and I for the last couple of nights, snuggled into me, and then Derick usually settled behind me, spooning. His arm would rest around both of us, and I loved how cared for I felt. I think Hope could feel I was off and something wasn’t feeling right, and that’s why she wasn’t sleeping in her own room.

“I just got a reply from the last two kids in her class.” Derick came into the rumpus room and sat on the chair opposite me. He picked up a teacup and pretended to drink. Teddies took up two other seats, and Hope sat at the head. She had been telling us about how fun her party was going to be.

Who knew a three-year-old’s party could be so big? Last week we handed out the invitations, and I was surprised I’d already heard back from all the parents but two in her class saying theirchild would be attending. Evelin was going all out. I had given up on even trying to curb her.

“Yaayyyy!” Hope squealed. “Everybos’ is comings.” She slid off the chair and did a wiggle dance, her fist pumped in the air and her hips shook. It was utterly adorable. She stopped suddenly and came to me. “Mummys, whats ’bout Miss Jasmine and Miss Soph’?”

Jasmine and Sophie were her favorite teachers at the school. Jasmine had started teaching at the daycare the same day Hope started. Hope loved that her name was the same as a Disney princess, and she seemed to like Disney movies just as much as Hope. Sophie was an intern who was doing childcare as part of her high school certificate. She was sixteen, and from what I’d seen, she was a sweet girl, very quiet, so much so she reminded me a little of myself before I met the Silverman family. She only worked at the daycare center one full day and a half day as she was in school. Hope adored her.

“Baby girl, Miss Jasmine and Miss Sophie have adult things I’m sure they want to do on a Friday afternoon.” I brushed her hair from her face and leaned down and kissed her cheek.

She pushed at me and glared at not just me but Derick. “Naha, Daddy, yous tells Mummy hows they loves me.” She straightened and rolled back her shoulders and placed her hands on her hips, making sure we knew who was in charge. “Iza askedd ifs they’d comes, butts they don’ts cos yous forgots theirs invites.” She shook her head in disappointment. Her eyes blazed golden and her lips turned down in a frown as she stared at me and Derick. He laughed but I resisted, barely. “I tells thems I gives tomorrow.”

I didn’t think a sixteen-year-old and a woman who was maybe a year or so older than me wanted to spend their Friday night with a bunch of two-and three-year-olds, when they’d either been with them all week or had been at school. I didn’tthink my daughter would understand that though. So I tried another tactic. “Princess, we can’t just invite two teachers from daycare. That would be unfair to the other teachers.”

She went over to Derick and climbed onto his lap. I felt a little jealous when she went to him and not me and whispered in his ear, albeit very loudly, “Cans I invites them allz?”

---