Page 67 of April

“Yeah. I know I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I knew it that night, too.”

“Okay, butdidyou, really?” Linden asked.

They’d left the restaurant and were walking toward the art gallery, where Bryce had to pick something up for Sophie.

“Did I really what? Believe that she’s the one for me?”

“Yeah. That night, you just met her and knew?”

“Yes,” Bryce said with a nod.

“But how? You didn’t even know her.”

“I just saw her and knew. Then, I held her, too, and I knew. And when I kissed her, it was just like, yes, this is it; this is all I want forever,” Bryce said, sounding wistful.

“But that just makes it a really good kiss, right? Maybe the best first date ever, but not a relationship.”

“I don’t know how to describe it.”

“You better. You’re writing a script about it.”

“I think, if you’ve never felt it, it’s probably hard to understand or imagine that it can be real.”

“Love at first sight?”

“Yeah. It’s like… I’ve never been struck by lightning, for example, so I canimaginea little about how it might feel, but I’ll never really know unless it happens to me. I assume that it’s never happened to you, which is why you’re asking.”

“I dated men for decades, so no.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why did you date men when you knew you were gay? Was it something with your family?”

“This will sound bad, but I wish,” Linden said. “I don’t, really, but no. We never talked about people being gay, straight, or anything else when I was growing up, but I never had any reason to believe they’d have a problem with me being gay.”

“But you still didn’t come out?”

Linden shook her head, and they turned the corner.

“I think part of it was something I had to accept about myself first. That took me a really long time. I kept trying to convince myself that I was bisexual or, really, anything but a lesbian, and as long as that was true, I didn’t need to tell anyone because I was dating men anyway.”

“I thought you knew that you were gay since you were a teenager.”

“I did, but I tried to tell myself that I wasn’t. I grew up here.” Linden motioned around. “Yes, parts of the city can be welcoming to gay tourists, but where I grew up, there were no gay people that I knew of. Like I said, we didn’t talk about it at home or anything, and no one at school was gay that I knew of, so I was scared when I was younger. After that, it just didn’t seem worth it.”

“But you were unhappy,” Bryce argued.

“I’ve been single a lot, and I was okay when that was the case. I have a great job. I’ve had the best best friend for the past decade or so, and I was good with that. I think I used to get into relationships with men because they would flirt or ask me out, and it seemed like something Ishouldbe doing, but I got to this point where I just couldn’t do it anymore. I knew I was gay. I just needed to admit it and be out. I started the process, and here I am.”

“And are you happier now?”

“Definitely,” Linden replied. “I’m no longer having sex with men.” She laughed.

“Women just do it better, don’t they?” Bryce laughed, too.

Linden didn’t actually know how to respond to that because, yes, sex with women was better for her, but she was gay, so that made a lot of sense. She’d also had a few orgasms, at least, with men over the years, and she’d had nights where the women she’d been with hadn’t been able to make her come. It was a mixed bag, really, and she didn’t think she had ever had that thing she imagined Bryce was talking about.

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