Page 36 of The Summer House

She’d left her purse in the car, so she shoved her car keys into her shorts pocket, then motioned to the house.

“Want to go inside?” she asked.

“Sure.”

He let her lead the way.

She came to a stop in the center of the massive foyer. After a second she thought about moving to the living room, but figured she was too nervous to sit just now. Instead she folded her arms over her chest and faced him.

He looked serious. No humor glinted in his eyes; his mouth was pulled in a straight line.

Perfect, she thought grimly. This was so not how she wanted to declare her feelings. She sucked in a breath.

“I’d like to go first, if that’s okay.”

He nodded. Nothing in his expression gave away his thoughts. Her stomach flopped over.

“So,” she said, her voice sounding strained. “The past couple of weeks have showed me that we have more than unfinished business between us. At least that’s true for me.” She dropped her arms to her sides, then slid her hands into her back pockets.

“We talked about wanting closure. At first I believed that was possible, but now I don’t. Mostly because—” she shifted her weight “—I don’t think closure happens when one of the parties is still in love with the other.” No, that wasn’t right.

“Maybe notstillin love,” she amended. “Maybe back in love again. Or still. I don’t know.”

Nothing. He didn’t say a word and he didn’t get any more readable. She sighed.

“Okay. So here it is. I’m in love with you. I don’t know how much has always been there and how much is new. I just know that’s how I feel.”

She pressed her lips together and waited. Rick didn’t budge. He continued to watch her, without saying a word. Her stomach flopped again, then twisted into a knot. Somehow she’d had the fantasy that he would want to sweep her up in his arms, declare that his feelings were the same, and that they would live happily ever after. Or some variation on that theme.

“It sounds really great,” he said at last. “But what happens when things get tough? How long is it going to take you to run away again?”

Ouch. That one hurt. “I’m not like that anymore,” she said. “I’ve changed. Just like you’re not the same person you were eight years ago.”

“How do I know that? How do I know you won’t take off at the first sign of trouble?”

She told herself that the fact he was worried about it was a good thing. It wasn’t as if he’d told her he wasn’t interested and then had showed her the door. Right?

“You’ll have to trust me for now, then see what happens when things get difficult.”

“That’s not good enough,” he told her.

She glared at him. “Oh, right. Because you want a sure thing. So while we’re talking about people changing, what about you? You’re willing to take plenty of risks in your work, but not in your personal life. You want everything to be a certain way. You want to know the outcome in advance. Well, guess what? This is life, not some laboratory experiment. You don’t get a sure thing and you don’t get to know the outcome in advance. You have to take a few things on faith. Waiting for the sure thing is only an excuse not to try.”

He didn’t respond. Her words seemed to echo in the two-story entrance. They reverberated, then crashed back in on Mandy.

She felt as if a lightbulb had just gone off inside her head. Of course. She was guilty of what she’d accused Rick of doing. She’d been using the excuse of not being sure she would get it right to keep herself from trying. The pointwasn’tto get it right, the point was to give a hundred percent. To love fully, to take risks and do the best she could.

That’s what had been going on with Eva. Of course she wasn’t going to get it right all the time. No one would. But she could love her and be there for her, offering her a stable home and a secure environment.

A calm settled over her as she realized she’d finally gotten it right.

“Life isn’t an experiment,” she told Rick. “You won’t be able to predict the outcome on this one. You have to be willing to risk it. I understand that’s scary. Especially with me. We’ve already failed once. But wouldn’t it be amazing if we made it this time?”

He didn’t answer. Which was an answer in itself. Maybe he loved her, maybe he didn’t. Either way, he wasn’t willing to put his feelings on the line.

She turned to leave.

“Already running away?” he taunted.

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